Does anyone purposely act fake with certain people?

[Realeyescocoa]

I think people do this a lot in the workplace to further themselves. I’m planning to do it with specific family members as a coping mechanism to deal with their difficult behaviours but I’m finding it really hard because I’m actually trying to live my life as authentically as possible. Just wondered how people even do this? I witness others do it on a daily basis but it just appears to be part of their personality to be fake.

Do you mean pretend to be friendly with people you dislike? Because I think that's quite common, especially in work situations, as it avoids outright conflict.

What do you mean by be/act “fake”?

Yeah I'm intrigued, what does "acting fake" mean? Is it pretending to be someone you're not etc?

I know someone that does it but she's more likely to be sweet to your face then slag you off behind your back, which to me is simply being two-faced.

Yes what on Earth do you mean OP?

I think I mean if you’re in the company of someone you dislike and they’re talking absolute shit but you feign interest. You smile, hug them, act like you care about them and their life but in your head you’re thinking what an absolute ! Sounds weird I know

I don't think many of us can realistically "be ourselves" at all times. Odds are you'd have a much more difficult life if you didn't at least moderate yourself a bit for different situations.

It’s not so much part of someone’s personality to be fake but more they don’t want to share their actual personality with certain people.
I can be lovely with customers at work, it’s fake! I don’t like them! They irritate me , bore the arse off me banging on about themselves thinking I care about their problems and health issues , spouting their ill informed opinions and generally holding me up. Im probably too good at it tho as they all think I’m lovely.
Just pretend to be someone else, someone nicer😁

There are two versions of that behaviour (at least).

The self preservation version. You do it to get through the day, not to cause an atmosphere at work. It doesn't matter because they are colleagues and doing ti is an act of professionalism.

The nasty gobshite version: You do it because you will then spend time telling people how fake that person is and how much better than them you are because you can rise above it. It is a form of bullying and can be really effective. It does matter as it always mpacts on the work atmosphere and is uaually unpleasant for more than just the 'victim'

And it can happen out of work too. It is just as nasty then!

I have often done the former, never the latter.

I can't do fakeness so I've decided to keep quiet as much as I can as other I work with do this and seem to get respect.

For example in meetings nod at the right places. Or say 'I'll come back to you on that '

@Realeyescocoa

I think I mean if you’re in the company of someone you dislike and they’re talking absolute shit but you feign interest. You smile, hug them, act like you care about them and their life but in your head you’re thinking what an absolute **! Sounds weird I know

I distance myself from anyone I really don't like and I can be friendly to those who I don't like but have to deal with.

Also there are few people I dislike even those family or colleagues who I am forced to spend time with and don't have much in common initially can grow on me after time. Most people have some good points.

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

There are two versions of that behaviour (at least).

The self preservation version. You do it to get through the day, not to cause an atmosphere at work. It doesn't matter because they are colleagues and doing ti is an act of professionalism.

The nasty gobshite version: You do it because you will then spend time telling people how fake that person is and how much better than them you are because you can rise above it. It is a form of bullying and can be really effective. It does matter as it always mpacts on the work atmosphere and is uaually unpleasant for more than just the 'victim'

And it can happen out of work too. It is just as nasty then!

I have often done the former, never the latter.

This. The former often makes sense to do. You aren't always going to like your work colleagues, but putting that aside and being pleasant to people is part of being professional.

@statetrooperstacey

It’s not so much part of someone’s personality to be fake but more they don’t want to share their actual personality with certain people. I can be lovely with customers at work, it’s fake! I don’t like them! They irritate me , bore the arse off me banging on about themselves thinking I care about their problems and health issues , spouting their ill informed opinions and generally holding me up. Im probably too good at it tho as they all think I’m lovely. Just pretend to be someone else, someone nicer😁

Haha customer services is great for teaching you how to be sweetness and light to people you'd actually quite like to slap 😂

@Realeyescocoa

I think I mean if you’re in the company of someone you dislike and they’re talking absolute shit but you feign interest. You smile, hug them, act like you care about them and their life but in your head you’re thinking what an absolute **! Sounds weird I know

I don't think I've ever hugged anyone in any of my workplaces, apart from someone who'd just returned after her husband's funeral, or colleagues who were actually my friends out of work.

I don't seek out conflict and am generally civil to all colleagues, regardless of whether I like them or not, but I'm not sure what you mean by 'acting like you care about them' and feigning interest. I'm more 'Hope everyone had a good weekend' and getting started with the meeting.

I kind of know what you mean. There is one woman, like a frenemy who I saw when our kids were smaller
I would always put on a show for her, talk about things as though they were better than they were
I can't explain why.

I think a lot of people are fake in the sense that they feign friendliness and are polite even if they don't like someone especially at work.

I didn't realise until relatively recently how many people do that. I think a lot do. I think it's good to help you get ahead.

The OP's asking about family members though rather than work colleagues. I think you can go too far OP. No need to be all gushy and huggy and overly complimentary if it's fake. That can be noticeable and uncomfortable. Normal civil and polite interest would be better imo though there's a fine line between civil and frosty which I admit may be hard to tread.

I think you can go too far OP. No need to be all gushy and huggy and overly complimentary if it's fake. That can be noticeable and uncomfortable

I agree with this but I think people do it in more distant family relationships too eg cousins or in laws you don't see often.

@longestlurkerever

The OP's asking about family members though rather than work colleagues. I think you can go too far OP. No need to be all gushy and huggy and overly complimentary if it's fake. That can be noticeable and uncomfortable. Normal civil and polite interest would be better imo though there's a fine line between civil and frosty which I admit may be hard to tread.

But she says she's noticed it a lot in the workplace, done by people who want to further themselves. I don't think I've seen the kind of thing she talks about though -- academia probably doesn't lend itself to it as readily as other forms of job.

I agree, though -- you can be civil and take a polite interest without catapulting yourself at people in fake hugs and manifesting a flattering but entirely ficititious interest in their every word and deed.