Best friends pregnancy

[M1RR0R]

Yes it’s sex, yes it’s called a gender reveal party.

My best friend is having her gender reveal party on Saturday. She did say they were going to find out at the scan though so I know she already knows. The issue is that I’ve had quite difficult gender disappointment to the point where two people I know having girls while I was pregnant made me cry (I know it’s absolutely pathetic, please don’t make me feel worse). I love my 3 beautiful boys to bits BUT I don’t want to flinch or show any negatively if it’s a lovely girl for her.

I feel like I’m over it, but a small fraction of me thinks I’ll be a little upset - it’s her first baby. I’m thinking of asking to know beforehand but is that really selfish? Or maybe saying I’m sick ?

She’s my best friend and I’m so excited for her & to meet my godchild in 20 weeks, I KNOW I’ll be absolutely fine but it might be an initial reaction that I may not be able to help.

What would you do? She has no idea of my gender disappointment, even my DH doesn’t know the extent of it.

If you think you won't be able to hide your reaction probably best if you don't go. I doubt your friend will appreciate you making her party all about you.

Don’t ask. That puts her in a really awkward position.

I would avoid the party if you think you might get upset. Convenient covid symptoms are a good excuse at the moment.

If you cry, can you say it's tears of happiness?

Assume it's a girl and prepare your fake happy face. Hugs.

Absolutely no intention of making anything about me, but she’s my best friend. She’ll be upset if I’m not there, but yes covid symptoms are a good ‘get out’.

I think it’s going to have to be a happy face on, nip to the toilet if need be… Happy tears (I did cry happy tears when she told me so not unlike me).

As the mother of 4 sons I always felt a slight inward pang of envy when someone had a little girl. I never made it obvious though. Things have turned round now and I have 3 gorgeous granddaughters 😍😍

Glad you understand how I feel @Georgeskitchen - I’ve never told anyone in RL. But cannot help my feelings as much as I’d like.

Lovely to hear about your granddaughters 💙

When did gender reveal parties become a thing?? I think it’s too much pressure over something that shouldn’t even be a reason for a party. I find it bizarre. If I was you, I’d develop COVID symptoms today and say “hi hon. I’m really sick today and just wanted to let you know as I think I’ve got some sort of tummy bug. I might not make it on Saturday” prepare her now. A good friend won’t mind you not being there

I wouldn’t have one myself @moremoony but each to their own I guess, it is indeed a thing.
I feel like I should be there for her, but also selfishly really don’t want to go

"Sorry I can't make it - COVID" and then process the news later at your own pace.

((Hugs))

I'm sorry but I think as her best friends and baby future godmother - you need to but your big girl pants on and deal with it.

I would also just fake a cold or something and then find out at a time when you can process the news in private.

I have never had gender disappointment but I can imagine it is tough so go easy on yourself. At this point its a 50/50 chance either way.

I think you will just be getting some Covid symptoms and you haven't got the results back in time. Sadly you will miss the party. The negative results will arrive the day after the party.

Go and be happy for her. See it that you were meant to have boys. I know it is disappointing but you need to manage that privately. Be grateful for successful pregnancies and healthy babies.

Go and be happy for her.

If only it were that easy.

I just want to point out I’m not ‘not happy for her’ - I’m bloody over the moon for her! I just don’t want to ‘make it about me’ & possibly have an awkward fake reaction if it’s a girl. I want some time to process in my own space alone.
But I will go, I will plaster on a big smile & hopefully not make it at all look like I’m feeling a little pained. I know I’m lucky to have my boys, but it doesn’t change the fact I’d also love a little girl.

Anyway, Thankyou. I’ve decided I’ve got to put her first.

My sil did cry and walked away when I told her I was expecting a boy - she had three and I'm not sure why she was so upset (she and her husband were not close to us, so it's not like she had a lot of stake in it). She really wanted a girl (and was told it was at her third pregnancy 20 week scan - so nothings fail safe), but still don't know why she was so invested in my child. I felt it was really odd - this wasn't at a reveal party (think they are ridiculous) but at another family occasion.
So 'happy' tears but you have to get over it - her kid's sex has nothing to do with you.

I just don’t want to ‘make it about me’ & possibly have an awkward fake reaction if it’s a girl.

If you can, try stand near the back or near a doorway that you can step out for a second if you need to. Also, in your mind, decide now that it is going to be a girl and that should emotionally help it not be a shock and not have to fake anything, because you already knew!

Have you considered therapy for this? You shouldn't be crying and flinching at the news someone is having a girl. It's quite an extreme reaction and is impacting your ability to do things like attend a party without issue.

@driftcompatible oh I absolutely need therapy for this but no I won’t be getting it. I’ll get over it as long as I never get pregnant again as that’s when it was extreme. Luckily hasn’t stopped me bonding with DS3 or my older sons.

Enough people remind me everyday that I should try again for a girl so I can’t imagine it’s that uncommon to be honest.

What’s she having @M1RR0R? Hope you had a good time

She’s having a girl @Forensicpsych - we had a nice day Thank-you. I was prepared, I had a little cry the next day alone but I was fine overall.

Counting my blessings & looking forward to newborn snuggles (& finally buying some pink )