I have name changed to post this as this could be outing.
My son (tween) called me absolutely hysterical asking to be picked up from his father’s and threatened to walk to mine if I didn’t pick him up (late at night so dark - after 11). I called my ex to try to find out what had happened basically according to ex he was told “no” to a request he had made and was just having a tantrum. My son kept calling me and I spoke to him where he again threatened to walk as he had already left the house and my ex hadn’t stopped him in the expectation he would be back and left door open for him.
I went to see son as I didn’t want him to do anything silly and intent was to talk, find out why so upset as couldn’t be just cos told “no”. Son explained he was upset but because ex and been verbally aggressive and made motions to hit but “pretend” always “pretends” but doesn’t follow through and had been shouting at son.
Whilst I was trying to calm son down ex came storming up to us and kept yelling at son to get back in house with son refusing. I was trying to act as mediator to calm situation and convince son to stay. Ex was mocking me for my “soft” approach and cutting me off. He was furious with me as he felt I was undermining his parenting. I could not convince son to stay and frankly I was concerned for him.
Ex came back to car and asked son if staying or going. Son said going so ex stormed off.
I got home to some missed calls and when I did answer he was rude and mocking me again and insisted I bring son back. There were more calls and lots of sms accusing me of undermining his parenting. I explained it was super late son still upset and let me calm him down and bring him back in morning. He kept asking I bring back now ignoring what I was saying not seeing that how he handles things with son always causes escalation.
Son already feels his sibling is ex’s favourite and that he gets yelled at more and the kind of yelling involves gritted teeth and in your face shouting.
I’m hoping to have another chat with son with the view of taking him back but how do I deal with the ex? It is truly because of how he handles son (very authoritarian approach) that causes so much escalation over minor things and it was certainly not my intent to undermine but I could not stand to hear my child so distressed he was sobbing on phone.
We have court orders in place which ex kept alluding to as well as repeating same phrase over and over being his house his rules. Ex was rude to me by mocking me and hanging up on me but I ignored as situation was about child not me.