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Can I just download a massive rant? Feeling really overwhelmed and want to scream.

4 replies

sadpapercourtesan · 04/01/2022 15:22

I can't let any of this out IRL, so am just going to dump it here in a massive pile of AAARRRGH. If anyone wants to join me in an incoherent impotent rant, please feel free!

DH, I, 19 and 17yo sons and my 81yo Dad all tested positive on Boxing Day and three of us are still positive now. The arrangement for Christmas is usually that Dad (who has Alzheimers and is quite frail) comes for Christmas on 21st December, then his partner goes to her daughter's for Christmas and joins us here on 27th, then drives Dad home on 31st. They live 200 miles away.

So this year Dad's partner went home instead of coming here, because we were all infected. We've been in touch every day, doing LFTs and hoping we'll be negative and she can come down. I'm still ill, lungs are awful and everything tastes of burnt fish, plus massive fatigue. Nobody else still has symptoms.

My teenagers are sharing a room because Dad is in DS2's, DS2 starts college tomorrow and has exams, so he's moaning about not having his room back. Dad is in the "silent period" of Alzheimers, he's always been a fiercely intelligent, forceful, feisty person but now he just sits for hours and I'm struggling massively with it. I want to spend time with him and connect with him and I just can't, he's still mostly lucid albeit with memory problems, but our rapport and shared sense of humour seems to have gone and I feel like I'm letting him down. DH is now back working from home, both kids are studying for exams and it's just me trying to keep Dad happy and constantly feeling guilty for not engaging with him better, I have ASD and find it hard to constantly have to initiate everything and guess what he might be thinking/wanting.

Had a message from Dad's partner this morning, she hasn't slept worrying about coming down and said "don't prepare any special meals for me, Christmas is over." I feel so rotten that she's basically spent a week at home on her own, not been with Dad over Christmas, and I feel responsible even though it's not my fault we all caught Covid. She's nowcoming on Thursday for 2 nights and I think she feels like an unwanted guest which is awful and I don't know how to make it better. DH will be working in the dining room, both teens will be both working and grumpy because they're still sharing a room and they've had a shit Christmas without their friends. I still feel rubbish with Covid and will have to cater to a houseful of grumpy pissed-off people. They will leave on Saturday, and then on Sunday DS1 is going back to uni which I already feel tearful about.

Just feel like everything has gone to shit Sad

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 04/01/2022 15:28

That is all utter shit, OP :( I am so sorry, it must have knackered your Christmas/NY.

All I can suggest is that you DO have a nice special meal when your Dad's DP comes, even if not everyone wants to partake you can still try to get some post-Christmas cheer out of this rubbish situation!

Hope you're all feeling better soon, especially you. Flowers

Mischance · 04/01/2022 15:31

I think a rant is definitely called for!

CeleriacOfTheNight · 04/01/2022 15:35

I think you definitely qualify for a rant

Cake Wine

Hang in there

sadpapercourtesan · 04/01/2022 16:01

Thank you Flowers I do feel better for the rant. And my 19yo has just given me a huge hug and told me he loves me, which helped enormously. It's just been such a shit Christmas, none of us feels like we've really had a holiday. And I think I'm just struggling more with Dad's decline than I thought I was. He nearly died of cancer a few years ago, so all this time with him is a bonus, and I feel like I'm wasting it because I can't connect with him the way I always have.

OP posts:
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