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Original poster

Bloody ornament

26 replies

Ballstothewall · 04/01/2022 08:35

I split a while ago with someone after a good but short relationship. He gave me an ornament that had been his mum's. She sadly died not long before we met. When we split, I offered to post it back. He said he would really like me to keep it as a reminder of our relationship.

It's nice but I don't really want to keep it as a reminder. Things didn't end well, thanks to an issue coming from him. Nothing awful. Plus I have enough stuff and it's not tiny.

would you offer again to return it as it was his mum's, saying you're having a clear out?

He doesn't live nearby so I can't really just drop it round. It would feel melodramatic just posting it after he's said to keep it, but I also feel awkward asking again. He kind of just cut me dead at the end and wouldn't really discuss the issue so it would feel a bit like I was pestering him hence wanting opinions!

He'll probably never know if I do donate it, it's the principle as he was very close to his mum. I don't know if he meant 'I want you to have it but only if you're keeping it' or 'i don't want it and it would've gone to the charity shop if not you, but it's a bit churlish to say that'. Not hugely valuable or an heirloom.

OP posts:
dudsville · 04/01/2022 08:36

I'd return it, but offer to return it, just return it.

Pumpkintopf · 04/01/2022 08:39

I'd just post it back to him. He can then decide what he does with it. Send a note with it to say you don't feel comfortable keeping it now you're no longer together, if you feel the need to explain.

dudsville · 04/01/2022 08:41

Sorry my "but" is a typo for "not". I agree, with pp, "thanks for the offer but it doesn't feel right".

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 08:43

I agree. Send it back with a note. Make it clear you don't want it and don't leave it open to interpretation.

MushMonster · 04/01/2022 08:47

Post it back to him

AnotherMansCause · 04/01/2022 08:47

I agree with PPs. Don't discuss it with him, just post it back. You don't need to discuss it & he evidently doesn't want to.

Blossomtoes · 04/01/2022 08:52

Why spend money on postage when he’s been clear as crystal that he doesn’t want it back? Drop it into the nearest charity shop and forget about it.

Original poster
Ballstothewall · 04/01/2022 09:10

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Just realised my OP isn't very clear here: He kind of just cut me dead at the end and wouldn't really discuss the issue I meant he wouldn't discuss the issue that led to us splitting, not the ornament.

OP posts:
BleuJay · 04/01/2022 11:22

Put it in a box and leave it on a random doorstep. Make someone’s day with your surprise gift. Or not.

Theunamedcat · 04/01/2022 11:25

Just send it back to him no note no need to explain

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable charity shopping something that belonged to someone's dead mother

Orgasmagorical · 04/01/2022 11:28

He said he would really like me to keep it as a reminder of our relationship.

Well if he cut you dead you can do what you like with it, who'd want to be reminded of him and his apron strings?

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 11:31

I’d definitely send it back explaining you feel it’s way more appropriate for him to have it given the sentimental value

Theunamedcat · 04/01/2022 11:33

Sounds like toolbox man he left his toolbox at her house he didn't need the stuff anymore except he did a few months later and used it as an excuse to contact her again she told him to remove it get rid stop calling she ended up paying to deliver it to his address to shut down the constant contact

Slicedbread · 04/01/2022 11:42

Send it to him. Make sure to wrap it carefully with lots of bubble wrap and layers, so that it doesn't break on the way. Don't include a note, just send it on its own.

I did something similar once with a piece of jewellery. I'm so glad I did it, as it meant I no longer had anything to connect me to the guy, no longer had anything hanging around the house that would remind me of him.

SnoopyLights · 04/01/2022 11:44

I would post it back with a short note to say that you felt you should return it since it belonged to his mother.

He can do what he wants with it then but you won't be stuck with it and there's no need for any future contact if he decides he wants it back, six months after you've given it to charity or whatever.

Babyvenusplant · 04/01/2022 11:55

I just have this funny image of him desperately trying to get rid of it and he thought giving it to you would finally do it, then you post it back 😂

MrsTophamHat · 04/01/2022 12:13

It sounds quite an arrogant thing to end a relationship with someone, but want them to be reminded of you by an ornament with sentimental value.

I would definitely return it via post

Original poster
Ballstothewall · 04/01/2022 12:46

@Babyvenusplant

I just have this funny image of him desperately trying to get rid of it and he thought giving it to you would finally do it, then you post it back 😂
Grin that's made me smile!

I'm not actually sure if he just thought of me when clearing the house or if it was an item he would have kept anyway so you could well be right!!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 04/01/2022 12:47

@Theunamedcat

Just send it back to him no note no need to explain

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable charity shopping something that belonged to someone's dead mother

You wouldn’t know. Half the stock in charity shops has come from homes of deceased people. I had Oxfam begging for mercy when my mum died.
ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 04/01/2022 12:51

I would contact him once and say 'I sadly don't have room to keep your mum's ornament any more. Would you like me to post it to you, otherwise I will give it to charity?'

Give him a reasonable chance to reply and then donate it with a clear conscience unless he asks for it back.

Tropicaltutu · 04/01/2022 12:57

Agreed with the toolbox man, he’s left it so he can come back. Return it signed delivery otherwise he’ll be round as soon as he thinks you have forgotten why you broke up.

cookiemonster2468 · 04/01/2022 13:03

@MrsTophamHat

It sounds quite an arrogant thing to end a relationship with someone, but want them to be reminded of you by an ornament with sentimental value.

I would definitely return it via post

This. It is weird that you split up but he wants you to have a "reminder". Why would you want it?

I'd either throw it away or post it back.

BusterGonad · 04/01/2022 13:52

Just return it. Do not ask him if he wants it do not ask if he's happy for you to give it to a charity shop. It leaves too much if an open end. Just send it back with a note saying you no longer want it. End of ornament, end of any ties to this man.

BleuJay · 04/01/2022 16:09

Try a social experiment and leave it in a prominent public place, making sure you superglue it to the floor or wherever you have placed.

Go and sit nearby with dark sunglasses on and watch and see how many people try to nick it.

Bonus points if you can film them and upload it here.

Original poster
Ballstothewall · 04/01/2022 16:13

@BleuJay

Try a social experiment and leave it in a prominent public place, making sure you superglue it to the floor or wherever you have placed.

Go and sit nearby with dark sunglasses on and watch and see how many people try to nick it.

Bonus points if you can film them and upload it here.

Grin we could make this interesting and open up a little sweepstake on how long it takes!
OP posts: