Mistake at work - panic

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

I have made a mistake at work and am panicking.

I suffer from depression and have been sectioned in the past. My mind tends to go to dark places and I can blow things up in my head where I feel the only way out is to self harm.

I’m in a bad headspace at the moment anyway.
I struggled looking after my toddler alone and haven’t been resting and generally down.

In terms of the mistake I made, I am a solicitor and my research has shown that what I have done (unintentionally disclosing a court document I shouldn’t have) is contempt of court and could result in imprisonment.

It’s unlikely it will be discovered but it could be at any point in my career. It hasn’t caused any harm to anyone but procedurally it’s something that shouldn’t have been done.

I’m going to speak to a barrister who was working on the case with me but until then I am panicking.

The strange thing is I realised this a few weeks ago but it didn’t seem a big deal. Now in my head it is massive and when that happens it means I can’t see an end. The fact I am in the dark and it’s night makes things seem worse.

I don’t know why I am posting. To vent I guess. But I often think my toddler would be better off with another mum who isn’t so depressed.

Oh bless you. Please don’t worry. Try to put it into perspective- everyone makes mistakes and no one has died.

@eyesbiggerthanstomach

How have things gone the past few days?

I’m a Risk and Compliance partner (accountancy rather than law), please speak to your team. There is very little that we can’t mitigate. I won’t say solve, as we can’t always do that, but we can help.

Also, any of us can make an error. I recently sent documents to the wrong solicitor, realised immediately, asked the recipient to delete and reported the data breach to the DPO. (What’s worse, I used to be the DPO!)

Men make mistakes too, I think they are less likely to realise and they certainly don’t catastrophise and punish themselves like we do.

Be kind to yourself.

Thanks everyone for all your comments. It has been a great source of support. I have felt much better with time.

It is interesting that comments have been made that men don’t have the same anxiety that women do and I certainly notice it with my colleagues.

It is also interesting that so many solicitors on here feel the same.

Thanks again all

@eyesbiggerthanstomach glad things are looking up for you.

Didn't see this thr first time, but saw your update. I'm a solicitor too and could really feel the fear in your post - litigation can really be stomach churning at times.

Interesting point about male solicitors everyone.

Thank you. Stomach churning is just the right phrase!

I understand this feeling. I was a litigation solicitor but left a year ago, one of the reasons being the constant stress I felt to avoid slipping up. I'd love to know whether all areas of law are like this. I do hope that the situation feels more manageable now.

@eyesbiggerthanstomach

Did you own up to your mistake? What happened?

Glad you are feeling better xx