How important are friends to you, and how do you show them you care?

[Notdoingthis]

I do try to actively include my friends. The way I reach out is to phone, text, arrange to see them, invite them to things.
But as I get older I realise that many people have very little time for friends. I do absolutely understand that people have to put their family and responsibilities first. But I wonder if it is important to people to have friends and treat them well. Or if that is not important for some people. Or if there are better ways to be a good friend? Thanks for your thoughts.

My friends are really important to me. I show this by remembering things they're doing like a job interview, hospital appointment and make sure to text and ask about it, give thoughtful gifts for birthdays, support them if they're having problems. I wasn't always such a good friend because I was a binge drinker who only cared about herself and having a good time, and a huge part of giving up alcohol for good has been building really strong friendships which I wasnt able to do before. I found if you give, you often receive and my friends will ask after me, think about me etc. But I don't do it for what I get back, I enjoy caring for people and showing them I care. But I know what you mean- some of my friends aren't fussed about having friends because they have a partner etc and they don't feel they need more people to be close to. I think you can never have too many people that you love and who love you back.

I love my friends. I have 5 that I'm in regular contact with and see often. I message between daily and every few days and call when I can. They have been with me through my darkest days, cheered me on when I've doubted myself and celebrated my achievements and little victories. I am the person I am because of their beautiful souls. I try to remember important dates/appointments and contact them ahead to say I'm thinking of them. I offer to help or do things for them and they do same for me. More often than not, its just a listening ear that they want. I remember their birthdays (and their partners and children's when I can). But we tend to send cards/flowers etc on occasions other people wouldn't think are that important such as new job, promotion, getting good news etc. Friends are not valued enough from what I've seen. My friends are my world and I appreciate them more since lockdown because I missed their energy and company so much. Out of interest OP, what is the reasoning for your post? Its a very interesting one

Im 43 by the way and my friends are similar ages. Ive known them all through work at different places over the last 18-5 years

I would like more friends but find it tricky for some reason. I'm a friendly acquaintance to many but actual friend to very few.
I message people a lot, regularly checking in, remember birthdays, events, leave voice notes. Send cards and occasional random gifts.
Unfortunately I've yet to really get this back in the same way. I don't care about gifts, I want to be able to share things with someone and for them to care. It would be nice to go out for a walk or coffee sometimes but that doesn't happen.
Unfortunately I've become agoraphobic since covid began which isn't exactly helpful in being able to get out there and meet new people so my world is very small indeed, just my partner and children and elderly parents.

Thank you for sharing these. I realise I could do better by remembering things like interviews and appointments, easily forgotten when you are wrapped up in your own life. Birthdays are easier as they can go on a calender.

My friends are incredibly important to me. I've had cancer this year which involved a lot of really horrible treatment, and my friends have been an amazing support and I feel very lucky. It's made me feel very conscious of the energy I put into my friendships. I must be doing something right to have all these brilliant people in my life at 42. For me it's about making an effort to spend time together - I have my friends to stay for the weekend for example or overnight, make an effort to cook for them, to buy nice gifts for their birthdays/their children, but also making sure I'm there for them to listen to what is going on in their lives.

My friends are important to me. They've always been important to me but there have been times when they've had a more central role in my life than perhaps now, when I have a husband, dd, family commitments and trying to build up a freelance business. That's not to say my friends matter less, but the time I have to dedicate to them is less. There are also friends I have had to relegate to 'occasional meet ups the odd keep in touch text' because that's the level of input I get back and don't have time to chase people who are less interested in keeping up a closer friendship.

I show care by messaging, phonecalls, travelling to meet up with those who live further away when we can, taking interest in their lives and what's important to them, offering a shoulder to cry on or rant at where necessary, sending little cards/ notes or gifts sometimes, offering practical help eg lifts or babysitting etc. I also make an effort to match the level of contact/ effort the other person seems comfortable with - my best friend definitely seems to value more regular contact, meet ups etc than I'd necessarily go for left to my own devices but I try to match it, I have other good friends who would find that much contact overwhelming and we find our own level if that makes sense?

I work with vulnerable teens and actually thinking about it I do some of these things with them to build a trusting relationship. They're always really surprised but pleased when I ask them about something they've previously told me is happening. I guess it doesn't just apply to friends, its generally being outward facing and thinking of others,showing a genuine interest. I think a lot of people are really lacking that in their lives sadly.

Very important.
I'm a bit guilty of being a bit passive and not making enough effort, as I have a busy life, we all do.
But I have to remind myself that they are a constant and will be around (hopefully) for the rest of my life. They are a group of mums I met through the local nursery

Yes I think it is lacking too. I fell out with a friend once who never visited, messaged or phoned as she said she just didn't do these things for anyone. But she said when I visited her I didn't ask many questions. Sp we were both at fault.
Do you interact with facebook posts if you go on facebook? I always think that is an easy way to show interest.

Not doing well with friends, haven't socialised for a couple of years. Keep in touch by msgs but not one for the phone. DH doesn't really socialise at all, despite being a nice bloke. No push to see people.

I do worry about this but no clue how to meet new people. Most women my age have DC &/or socialise with their long-term friend groups.

I try and listen if they've got a problem and always follow up to check if they're ok, anything I can do. Also, I keep in touch with all my friends on what I think is a regular basis, if only a jokey text every couple of weeks. Also, just telling them you appreciate them. I'm in a group of five and I was honest and told them I love them all, and value their support and friendship just before xmas - sound soppy I know but it was the right thing and we all went around giving eachother hugs.

Do you stay friends with people who live far away? Or does it require too much effort? Or is it worth it? Or is it more important to be present for the people near you?

In terms of making friends. I don't make friends easily as I am shy, but I have a lot of friends because I am loyal. I make friends by joining things. Choir, PTA, walking groups.. there is always someone to talk to. I don't really have friends at work because I find there is too little time to get to know each other.

My friendship world has pared down massively because of covid as people have revealed their true colours. I do have some good friends but no "soulmate" type friends. I'm afraid I've been stung too often and I'm just too mistrustful. This year I'll meet up, be friendly and enjoy the time i spend with them but have detached emotionally and won't reattach. In 2022 my world is about me and the DC's.

Most of my friends live 200 miles away....we see each other about 3-4 times a year in normal times.
I have 4 or 5 locally.
I dropped people who made no effort by never organising anything but were happy for me to.

I have a small group of my best best friends. We are constantly in contact via Whatsapp etc, however I am in work 50 hours a week and use my weekends to recover. so we see each other every few months or so. I feel pressure to see other friends (not best friends) as they find it hard to understand that I don't have a lot of time at home to rest and spend time with my fiance, which puts me off using what precious time I have off to see them as they work a lot less than I ,and I'm an introvert and they put pressure on me to go out and about to socialise. I am always putting in an effort to send flowers to them etc and are there when they need me, but not in person. Hopefully one day when I am part time I will have more daylight hours to see friends for lunch etc.

My friends are very important to me.
My best friend I have known since primary school. When my dd died suddenly she was abroad on Holiday. She flew home immediately to be at my side.
I have 4 close friends who I see every week phone and text daily and always make time for them.
I can't imagine my life without friends.

Oh so important.

I have a very very carefully gathered small group of outstanding, amazing people that I have been friends with for 15 years plus. One 33 years friendship.

They are my absolute rock. They have my back, know me inside out and love me just the same.

We have lives, families, very busy work lives but make time for each other.

I think we would probably all be very lost without each other.

We share the same sense of humour, outlook on life, are all easy going , kind natured personalities. Not one of us are divas or dramatic, or do anything to cause any issues.

I bloody love my friends.

Such a range of answers. It is sad when you can't make time for friends, and they probably feel sad about it too, but we all have limited time. I also find it really sad when people cut out friends.

WhatsApp is good for me to keep in touch and arrange things. Most members take the initiative to meet up, but no pressure to do so. I would like to meet up more but we're all busy, so think that when the teens have left for Uni etc, we probably will.
Good for my local friends and for keeping in touch with my Uni group.

Most of my friends are granny's now and are always doing something with them which I fully understand. But I only had one child and he passed away 2 years ago never having any children so as much as I understood that family comes first I do miss out girlfriend time together

I could have more friends than I have but life has given me trust issues. The only real friend I have lives about 200 miles away. We stay in touch, but accept that we each have our own lives.

I go with the friends ‘for a reason, a season or a lifetime’. We live a long way from the vast majority of our ‘lifetime’ friends and I miss them. And we’re nearly all in the thick of small DC. But I can get back in contact after a year and we still love each other as much. I would be slightly spooked by birthday presents…it’s simply not done in any of my friendship circles. I might get a text but if not it’s simply that they’re busy, not that they care any the less about me.

I do miss when we were all pre DC and there was lots of visiting but that’s life…they’re not any less my friends for that.