Thoughts on attending friends baby shower 6 weeks postpartum?

[WilliamsJess]

One of my best friends fell pregnant roughly 3 months after I did - she’s due in May whereas I’m due in February. She’s arranged to have a baby shower in March, which means if my little girl comes on her due date, she will only be about 6 weeks old.
Of course I wouldn’t want to miss my best friends baby shower, however she has invited A LOT of people, and the house she is having the shower isn’t very big. With my baby being so little, I wouldn’t feel comfortable in leaving her when she’s that young, not that I don’t trust my partner or anything, it’s just the new Mum brain kicking in. I’m also very cautious about taking my newborn when there’s going to be so many people there, a lot of whom I don’t know, on top of covid still being around.

What are everyone’s thoughts?

I would be checking with your friend first whether or not she's okay with you bringing the baby. Some people are fine with that, others aren't. If it's her first, she's likely to be less keen.

At 6 weeks, assuming your friend lives relatively locally, I'd have no concerns about leaving the baby with your partner for a few hours. Unless this is an unusual baby shower, it's likely to be a day time event, low drinking etc so it's not like you'd be disappearing at the point at which the baby is used to cluster feeding etc. If you're exclusively breastfeeding, you may need to either go for less time or explain to your friend you can only come if you bring the baby.

Covid is a different issue and I'd take a view on that nearer the time. eg, is the host asking people to take lateral flow tests? Is there going to be plenty of open windows/sitting in the garden? What are the numbers/ risks like at that point?

You are seriously overthinking this - you haven't even had the baby yet!

I don't think you can make a decision just yet. March is a long way off in Covid terms. From that perspective things could be very different by then.

As for leaving your baby with DH, you really don't know how you'll feel by then. Your baby could be 6 weeks old, but could be a couple of months or just a few weeks. You might welcome the opportunity for a break by then or may feel you can't .

Too many variables to be able to decide right now I'd say.

Non covid times and my 2 kids as babies. Absolutely I’d have attended a local baby shower at 6 weeks. Baby would have slept through it probably, and would’ve been fine to either bring with me and be cooed over, or leave with DH for a few hours as they both took bottles as well as bf.

Obviously you don’t know how your baby will be. Some are very unsettled. And I think covid is a valid concern right now. I’d just tell your friend you’d love to come, but I’m sure she will understand you can’t say for certain right now!

Honestly I’d sat wait and see how you feel. You may welcome a break from the house and enjoy a social event or you may still be new mum bubble land and want to stay home.

Baby showers are shit anyway imo.

Is it such an event that you have to commit now as to whether you’re going? I would wait and see how you feel.

And if it’s local just try and pop in for a short time.

Sounds like you don't want to go which is fine. Just accept the invitation for the time being and then pull out of need be nearer the time, citing what you have said here plus breastfeeding struggles etc.
You might surprise yourself and want to go though.

Does she live close enough for you to pop in for an hour? That's what I'd do.

If it's just at her house then surely you don't need to give an answer right now? Just see how you feel nearer the time

I wouldn't go without the baby at that age, but I would happily go with a baby (as long as Covid under control)
Can you say to her you'll see how you feel nearer the time? Maybe Covid will have calmed down by then (I am hoping it will..)

I was invited to one when DC1 was a few days old. Would have been fine to go, I felt fine and had no issue with breastfeeding etc. But I took it as the perfect excuse not to go. Never used DC to get out of anything else but baby showers sound excruciating.

Actually snuck past the pub it was in to go to a different one for lunch.

It’s not at her house, it is at her sisters house which is easily a 1 hour commute for me.

When they are that young they sleep a lot so he actually slept through the service and the disco later 😂

@HAB86 that’s just reminded me of a wonderful afternoon when DS was about 4 weeks old. I’d been dreading the logistics of it and the potential for feeding in public, but he nodded off as soon as I left the house and we went into the city on the train, met a friend for lunch at a nice restaurant then walked around the shops for a little while and I caught the train home again. He woke and started to cry just as I turned into my street. Magic.

@MelonTits - Bless them sometimes they do time things well!

A baby shower seems like the perfect low-key, no-stress first social event after having your own baby.

@anonanonanon123

I'm planning on going to a really close friends wedding at the start of June, I'm due mid April. And DP too which means my 6 week old will be going to my mum. Maybe I'm mad for thinking this will be possible 😂😂

That will be fine.....I looked after my GD at 3 weeks whilst my DD attended her best mates wedding

I understand some people might be happy to leave their young babies with family members, but not everyone will be comfortable with that, especially when they’re still so young

The baby’s dad is not a ‘family member’ !!!!

@WilliamsJess I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine for hours at that age either. If she's a good friend she'll understand you just can't commit yet. If baby is two weeks late and c sec you won't even be driving for example. And at 6 weeks I was at my lowest, I probably couldn't have mustered up the journey, feeling on show etc.

So I'd wait and see. You might be totally in the swing of it with a chill baby, numbers of covid cases might be low, and it might feel OK.

Don't feel shamed for not wanting to leave baby at home or cart them out for hours to a random house

If she’s one of your best friends then you should go, at 6 week pp you’ll probably want a little break and it would be kinda nice to let your hair down and have a catch up with friends x