Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Can a five-year-old know if they're gay?

56 replies

DorothyLNaySayers · 03/01/2022 13:12

Yesterday my five-year-old asked me "Can girls like girls?" which I thought was a bit odd since she's already "best friends" with two girls. Obviously, I assured her they can, and girls can like boys and boys can like boys etc. But I couldn't get her to explain why she asked the question.

Might she be questioning if she's gay, or is this just a typical off-the-wall five-year-old question? I'm not at all bothered either way, just really curious.

I don't think we've ever really talked to her about romantic relationships or marriage etc, but I have described her Dad/my DP as my "best friend".

OP posts:

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 03/01/2022 14:24

I don't think my 5 year old has any idea what sexuality he is. I don't think he's given it any thought!
He had lots of girl friends and boy friends. His best friend is a boy outside of a school and a girl inside of school.

HumunaHey · 03/01/2022 14:26

Maybe it's something she learned in school. Schools are really driving awareness around homosexuality, etc lately.

RockinHorseShit · 03/01/2022 14:28

Perfectly normal 5yo question. Don't over think it, she will be what she will be when the time comes & your response just told her that anything she is, is just fine. Well done

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Behaviour & development

HandScreen · 03/01/2022 14:30

Yes, at 5, I 100% knew I was straight - I really fancied boys.

pastypirate · 03/01/2022 14:32

Dd2 and her Besty who are 9 have been telling us they are getting married and buying a baby together for about 5 years now...

Scarby9 · 03/01/2022 14:37

5 year olds in school over the years have told me they are going to marry or live with:

each other (random pairings of either gender
their mum or dad (again, irrelevant of whether they themselves are m or f)
me!

ldontWanna · 03/01/2022 14:38

@Scarby9

5 year olds in school over the years have told me they are going to marry or live with:

each other (random pairings of either gender
their mum or dad (again, irrelevant of whether they themselves are m or f)
me!

Ohh I had a marriage proposal at work. Cutest thing ever, I had to let them down gently of course.

Ellowyn · 03/01/2022 14:48

When my son was little I'd ask him who he was going to marry and he'd always shout, "You"! He's and adult now and has no interest in marrying me.

voldr · 03/01/2022 14:54

@stingofthebutterfly

She'll have seen or heard something, somewhere. Not a chance in hell that she's questioning her sexuality.

I don't think she necessarily must have heard it somewhere, it seems like a perfectly natural question for a child to ask. If she sees men and women in relationships and getting married, it makes sense for her to wonder if it works that way for two men and two women.

Nailsbythesea · 03/01/2022 14:55

Depend how you bring them up. I've always brought mine up to say you can love boys or girls or both -that's your choice.
A friend's son aged 8 asked him who he was going to marry and he said 'I don't know maybe a boy maybe a girl' friend's son responded with 'yuck, boys should marry girls' my son repeated he will marry who he loves.........

Same as him asking can boys have babies -or do you have to be a girl to have a baby.

I try and answer them as honestly as I can eg. most of the time ........this happens, then you get ....... and this happens.............. etc but very simplified. Then some people adopt...... etc

I never make any situation black and white there are many grey areas.

The latest discussion in this house is IF an estate has to be left to the NEXT MALE can the eldest female claim it by self ID as male to inherit the estate. ............good question!!

friedeggandsauce · 03/01/2022 14:56

When my youngest was 5 she wanted to marry honey 🤷🏼‍♀️

WonderfulYou · 03/01/2022 15:04

I’d say being gay means being deeply attracted/having sexual feelings towards the same sex.

When you’re that age you don’t have those feelings but love your friends and say you’ll marry them when you’re older and stuff but it’s not ‘gay’.

I had a female lesbian couple and a gay male couple as neighbours when my DD was little so there was never any questions about being in same sex relationships they were just normal to her.
Maybe your DD hasn’t seen that before you thought they were just friends so didn’t really think about it.

Silversun83 · 03/01/2022 15:06

No, they don't have any idea about what sexuality is. Just probably has mainly seen males and females married or together and wondered.

DD is 5 and previously has wanted to marry me or her brother but I've said that she can't marry someone she is already related to so she is now marrying her best (female) friend and having babies with her. But the only thing she knows is that she wants to marry the person she likes the most.

I found it quite enlightening the other day when her two female barbies kissed and "now they are married" as she has no preconceptions and everything is at face value... I think I would have only married male and female characters at that age as think I would have had it ingrained in me that only a man and woman could be together.

Lweji · 03/01/2022 15:10

Don't overthink it.

macnougat · 03/01/2022 15:26

Depend how you bring them up. I've always brought mine up to say you can love boys or girls or both -that's your choice.

it's not though.

BlissfullyIgnorant · 03/01/2022 15:37

I don't know if they know, but for sure I knew DS was when he was about 3 or 4. Maybe because I grew up with a gay sibling, I don't know. When DS came out I was so relieved! I thought he was going to tell me he was about to get expelled

elliejjtiny · 03/01/2022 15:42

Normal at this age. My 7 year-old wants to marry me!

Bunnycat101 · 03/01/2022 16:14

Totally normal. My 5yo is going to marry her best friend but knows enough that she’d need a boy to have a baby. She has decided the appropriate solution is to pretend marry a boy to have a baby and then tell him he can’t play with them anymore. She wants 10 babies so she has an order of which boys she’d pretend marry which sounds quite mercenary really. I wouldn’t take anything they come out with too seriously at that age!

Alisae · 03/01/2022 17:14

@Nailsbythesea

Depend how you bring them up. I've always brought mine up to say you can love boys or girls or both -that's your choice. A friend's son aged 8 asked him who he was going to marry and he said 'I don't know maybe a boy maybe a girl' friend's son responded with 'yuck, boys should marry girls' my son repeated he will marry who he loves.........

Same as him asking can boys have babies -or do you have to be a girl to have a baby.

I try and answer them as honestly as I can eg. most of the time ........this happens, then you get ....... and this happens.............. etc but very simplified. Then some people adopt...... etc

I never make any situation black and white there are many grey areas.

The latest discussion in this house is IF an estate has to be left to the NEXT MALE can the eldest female claim it by self ID as male to inherit the estate. ............good question!!

@Nailsbythesea I don’t see a problem with acknowledging that in the future they could love either a boy or girl (though I do disagree that it is a ‘choice’)

But saying that ‘boys’ can have babies is just lying/setting them up for future disappointment. Unless you meant adoption/surrogacy?

HumunaHey · 03/01/2022 17:20

@BlissfullyIgnorant Howdid you know when he was 3 or 4?

gabsdot45 · 03/01/2022 17:25

I knew I was straight when I was 5. I had a crush on a bit called David and tried to kiss him in the school Wendy house. I was always boy mad.
I think it's possible that very young children can have an attractive to the same sex.

imamearcat · 03/01/2022 18:06

Yeah my five year old DS (actually he's 5 in a few weeks), said the other day that if he can't marry his sister then he's going to marry a boy.

GrendelsGrandma · 03/01/2022 18:15

Can a five year old know they're straight?

I think you should be talking to her about same sex relationships, at some point she'll meet a kid with two mums or two dads and it's not fair to make the child educate yours!

Allthepickles · 03/01/2022 18:29

When I was 5 and for many years after I had ‘crushes’ on boys.
It doesn’t mean anything, I’m a lesbian.

Bellsandsnow · 03/01/2022 19:18

No. Absolutely not.

Flip

1 2 3