christmas cracker jokes please...

[bea]

once again me dd and i have been entrusted with making the crakers this eyar and we need lots of corny cracker jokes...

not too rude (as there will be 5 yr olds and oldies to make laugh)... so nothing too rude please...

i'll start off...

what do you call a french sandal? Phillipe Folop.. hee hee! simlar vein please...
the family thank you in anticipation (for their split sides!!!)

how do elves get from floor to floor

an elvevator

Doctor, I am terrified of Father Christmas

Doctor: Oh, I'm sure you must be CLAUStrophobic

Well...you asked!!

What do you get if you swallow xmas decorations?

Tinselitis.

WHAT KIND OF BISCUITS FLY?

wee plain ones

1. What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

1. On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

The outside.

1. What kind of paper likes music?

(W)rapping paper.

1. What's white and goes up?

A confused snowflake.

1. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Annette.

1. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?

It blew away.

1. What's furry and minty?

A polo bear.

1. How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle.

1. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

10. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

Lost.

hee hee hee! keep 'em coming!

Why did Tigger put his head down the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

Two fish were in a tank,one fish says to the other "Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?...

Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
He had no body to go with!

There was a big list of them in the paper today here

thank you all! Ace! the rellys will be rolling in the aisles... now all i've got to do is get the loo rools out and make the wretched things!