Where are my feelings?

[SleepingStandingUp]

My Mom just called to say my aunt has died. We hadn't seen her much for years, dementia and poor relationships with her siblings etc. But she was a great Aunty, saw her lots when we were younger etc. I feel nothing. Like I know it's sad but there's just... emptiness. My sister is inconsolable for contrast.
Yet last night when my toddlers wouldn't sleep I felt so full of rage (they're perfectly safe I just felt so angry with the world).
I just feel so out of sync and like there's something wrong with me

I think it's very normal at the moment to be out of sync with your feelings. We've just spent two years of utter madness, everyone cut off from the world or scared. I've noticed people are more aggressive on the roads and in the street or numb.
Take it easy on yourself. xx

I'm just so tired, I think it's all just mushed under exhaustion and other than sleep I don't know how to fix that but I can't get more sleep because my kids won't. I just feel like there a kernel of sad somewhere, buried. I've lost no one to corona, missed no funerals or last minutes with anyone. I have no rights to be sad about the corona vros