Do you hold a Professional qualification but ‘under employed’?

[WhatNowBernadette]

Hi all, I’m a regular but name changed. Might be a bit serious for ‘chat’ but here goes.

Background:
I have two DC aged 17 and 20 who have had significant MH challenges over the past five years, despite having (on paper) a great start in life. Issues have involved (teenage) sexual trauma, earring disorder, self harm and overdoses.

I’m late forties and have not worked for six months since resigning when my DC took an overdose. They are now doing well and on paper I feel I should be ready to apply for new jobs.

However, whether it’s peri menopause or some sort of burn out from the above, I now feel absolutely terrified and overwhelmed by the thought of applying for a job with a high level of responsibility. It’s as if even the idea of work stress is stressing me out! I have three postgraduate qualifications and am professionally qualified within two fields but I just feel that I can’t cope with the stress or the worry of having to abandon a caseload of clients if something went wrong with my DC again.

The only jobs I feel even slightly drawn to are really badly paid jobs in social care. However, I am really struggling with feelings of professional failure and associated low self esteem linked to taking a minimum wage job. I feel simultaneously furious with society for undervaluing these jobs and also annoyed with myself for feeling this way about applying for these roles myself.

Has anyone made their peace with leaving their profession for a much lower paid job or got any advice?

Tia x

Similar age and a ton of qualifications and experience PRE-kids.

However I have since been diagnosed with autism and am a lone parent to 2 SEN children. I coped in my 20s and 30s by having next to zero outside responsibility.

There are a shit-ton of jobs in my industry right now and on some level I feel I should go for it - but think I’d feel overwhelmed after 2 days.

I got rejected from a PT admin roll a few months ago. They said I was over-qualified and this was only a junior role … which is kind of what I wanted. 2 days/week opening post and typing.

Feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I do a bit of freelance consultancy- but more often than not, the deadline coincides with a crisis a child is having.

Hi @WhatNowBernadette

1. Sort out the perimenopause, confidence wobbles are a massive symptom. You'll be gutted if you change your income and pension capacity for something it later turns out could have been sorted with HRT.

2 get help for yourself to support you in dealing with your children's MH issues. Therapy and/or meds. But something. They will come through this but you need to ensure you also come out the other end with your own MH and future intact

3 think about a Civil Service role if you have any transferrable skills whatsoever. Flexible hours, understanding of family life, no expectations that you should be doing a particular job due to your qualifications, excellent pensions. The way they recruit means your previous qualifications and experience are irrelevant (unless you're applying for particular professions). CS experience is really good if you decide to go back into your old field as it has really good applicability to many other areas.
4 think very hard about your pension In the thick of perimenopause, unwell children and Covid it is easy to decide that you never needed much to live on, it an adequate pension anyway. You will feel completely different in a few years when the children have moved on and out and you are staring at retirement on limited funds. (Obviously irrelevant if you already have adequate provision)
5 Is there a spouse to consider? Are you getting enough support with the children? Will your decision affect their lifestyle in the medium term, and after retirement?

I've been exactly where you are, it is bewildering but can be an exciting fresh start.

I dont think we have civil service roles near me. Are they mainly london/big cities. When Ive looked its only a prison/army base mules away!

I agree with Celia's points. Can you afford it, pension wise, mentally, long term?

Im v worried about my lack of pension. But there isnt a range of appropiate jobs out there without retraining. So much is entry level

I'm a qualified chartered accountant with my own small practice. I've decided to give up tax work and "downgrade" my business to basic book-keeping only.

Dealing with HMRC was bad before covid, but during the past couple of years, it's been very hard work and exhausting trying to get them to do anything, as they've so many staff "working" from home, and diverted so many staff to WTC/UC and dealing with covid support etc. I've got clients who've been waiting 1 or 2 years for desperately needed tax refunds, where I've had to involve their MPs due to HMRC simply not answering letters, not processing tax returns, etc.

I've had enough of it. It's been mentally draining, not only trying to get HMRC to do their job, but having clients constantly on my back, blaming me when there's nothing I can do to speed up HMRC or get HMRC to stop making mistakes.

It means a massive reduction in income, but it's worth it for a simpler life and not having to deal with HMRC ever again!!

I have a professional degree which would typically put me in one type of patient facing role. About 11 years ago I was suffering burnout and couldn't cope, I was damaging all the relationships I had in life but I couldn't see it. I found a similar part time job in a non-patient facing role about 6 months later and I've been doing it ever since!

I took a large pay cut, but also cut my hours by a third and only work 4 days a week rather than 5 and a half. Mentally it was the best thing I ever did, professionally it was very damaging. I look at where I was and the opportunities that I could have taken up if I was in the previous job are things I would really have liked to do, but my actual life would be completely different and I think I would have definitely not have had my DS or still have my DP. These things are more important to me. I now work to live, not live to work.

@DameCelia thank you for taking the time for posting such detailed advice. Points number 1 and 2 definitely need to be sorted. I’m starting to feel like my own MH is at risk with impending empty nest feelings at the same time as loss of career (and associated sense of identity).
DH is amazingly supportive and earns well. I’m utterly ashamed to admit that in my current negative mindset, our financial security almost contributes to my sense of purposelessness. And yes, I have applied to do some voluntary work but keeping myself faux busy is quite depressing. I realise that I probably do need a shake. We may not have money worries (currently) but we certainly have plenty of other issues.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and sorry not to acknowledge everyone individually.

Sort of...

I went to a genuinely impressive uni, and got a degree in a proper subject and now I'm a waitress! I love it. We can afford for me to do it. I'm not saying I'll do it forever, but it's a lot better for my family and me than when I worked in a high stress office job. I can't see myself ever going back to a traditional, corporate office. It was my personal hell.

If you can afford it, I'd do what makes you happy. Also consider your pension, but I wonder if you're a bit older than I am (based on dc ages) so you probably have something sorted there already

I was a qualified nurse for a long time and then had a mental breakdown, depression and menopause and just couldnt do it any longer. I'm now a dog walker and pet carer and I earn very little, but I'm happy and have no stress. I just think that some things in your life must end and you need to accept the next stage and not look back. A working life is about more than qualifications and mental and physical health need to be factored in as well. A wise person knows when to prioritise their personal needs and to be at peace with their limitations.

The other thing for me is that being a waitress, I get 'free' exercise. I actually get paid to run around and I do feel it keeps me fit. Need to find a restaurant with more stairs I think

I did understand your OP but thought I'd add in the part about career progression just because what PP said about women being wary of applying for jobs they're under qualified for rings so true, especially for me!
@2orangey two teachers both call centre roles, just goes to show how stressful teaching can be

User149 I agree that dealing with HMRC has been shocking, worse in covid. Their service is disgraceful.

I’ve got a PhD and various professional qualifications not my job is really stressful. I would love to work in a shop or cafe. That’s my dream, I just can’t afford to. I would care not one hit that I was ‘wasting’ my qualifications. If the money isn’t an issue than find a job you’d like.

I worry that you are swapping high paid stress for low paid stress by looking at care work. I think that kind of option is not meeting either of your needs at the moment which might be why you're hesitant.
I think you need to make a clear decision about valuing and choosing a low stress option at the moment (which I think is the right thing to do). Not just different/easier entry but low stress, not taxing, end when the day ends, is maybe process-based, has no one's wellbeing relying on you - you have enough of that.
Remember nothing is permeant - you can try roles and go back into your field later if you feel you would like to.
I would remember even applying is not making a decision, you can leave the process at any time depending on how you feel about it. Some jobs I haven't known I've wanted/not wanted until after the application process/offer etc.
You could maybe look upon it as a gap year for the soul. Instead of earning money to go travelling/for uni you're earning some calm to take you into the future better equipped.
Well done for being a support for your DC during their rocky times.

I have a PhD and have had the same job for 25 years- you don't need post-grad qualifications to do it!

I’ve a couple of post grad quals. In my professional role I hadn’t had a pay rise for a decade so took on a cleaning job as well to make ends meet. Then I was made redundant during Covid and so now I’m a cleaner! Stress-free!

If you don't need the money, what about a voluntary role for a real sense of satisfaction?

Alternatively though, I took a couple of years out from my career when I hit burnout (due to bereavements). I worked as a library assistant and absolutely loved it. I loved chatting to people about books, making displays and finding new books I wanted to read. And my colleagues were mainly all vastly overqualified too and very interesting to talk to.

However it was a shock to be treated like worthless stupid rubbish my a decent percentage of rhe public. I never found that easy. The realisation some people saw me as "less" than them just because of the role I did.

It was the right thing for me though, and then after a couple of years something clicked in me when talking to a former colleague and I knew I was ready to re-enter my profession.

Think about how you tweak your CV to emphasise the skills and experience the relevant job requires. I didn't hide my previous career but emphasised the elements of it that would make me a good library assistant.

This is me! I took a 'career break' just under a year ago (not officially but my company has made it clear they hope I come back to the same role) from a postgrad-required, technical, specialist role, because post-covid (which meant WFH, no travel) I found it a mixture of boring and stressful, and when I looked at my life critically, my work was the only part that I was not happy about.

I now have three very part-time jobs, all £9.50 ph or less, one which is 'well-respected' despite being minimum wage (museum/library assistant) where all my colleagues are similarly over-qualified and I'm treated well by the public, one job as a cleaner at a National Trust holiday cottage, and one job at a children's play farm (customer facing). I also have an income from a commercial property. I do find I am looked down on/spoken down to in the cleaning/farm job (by customers and colleagues), which I find amusing more than anything else.

I’m utterly ashamed to admit that in my current negative mindset, our financial security almost contributes to my sense of purposelessness.

I can SO relate to this - that was a big contributing factor to leaving my previous job. I have a strong work ethic (evidenced by me having three part-time jobs even though our household income means I don't need to work at all) but I found it increasingly difficult to 'justify' putting myself through a stressful job I didn't enjoy, when we didn't 'need' the money I made (I would earn in a year what my DH would forget to mention he'd received as an ad-hoc bonus one month). If we'd needed my income, I would have felt enormously grateful to have a job that is well-paid, family-friendly, loads of flexibility and nice colleagues, as objectively it really wasn't 'that bad'.

I also relate to the comments about feeling that I am 'wasting' my skills/experience and qualifications. This has become more acute now, as realistically, if I'm ever going to go back to my old employer, I need to do it this year. Looking ahead and thinking aged 47 might be the year I effectively 'retired' from my career, does not make me feel good. I don't miss the job, and I no longer have that feeling of dread the night before work, I don't have any stress about whether I've made a mistake that a client will pick up on, so I think I'm happier overall, but all life's other problems are still the same, so it's not been quite as 'life-affirming' as I thought it would be. Also slight concerns that when DC leave home I might wish I still had my previous job to "get my teeth into".

I definitely feel I've 'lost' some of my status. E.g. when telling people what I do at a party I find myself prefacing it by telling them what I used to do and that I'm on a sabbatical! I don't know why I can't say what I do, without telling them what I used to do! Guess that's the same as SAHMs.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation that sounds like a huge change after facing a very tough situation. All the best to you x

@Trodonplug omg yes to feeling compelled telling people what I used to do, before my current career break!! Why does status bother me so much? I read something on another thread yesterday about Core Beliefs and think this may be at play here.
It’s really hard to explain to people without it coming across as judging other people’s jobs. I 100% don’t look down in cleaners, waitresses etc at all but would see this as a personal failure for myself somehow.
@Kudupoo interesting point about swapping high test for low paid stress… so my idea working in a children’s home idea might not be such a good idea…

• high stress- not test

Yes - it gives me the time and opportunity to do other things outside work as it's not all encompassing. I study and started my own company, both of which give me great pleasure / fulfilment for different reasons.

I think you may be naieve if you think that another job is necessarily the answer. There are pros and cons of both.

Or rather what kind of stress affects you. The stress of your old job is one kind of stress, but Like Trodon says taking a lower job brings 3 minor different kind of stresses: 1)apart from volunteering for free, in paid work most of us want a reasonable rate, reflective of our worth. Not to be paid less than NMW. 2)Being talked down to by customers is just not nice. Even if we stamp our feet as a cleaner and say don't talk to me like that, I've got a phd don't you know, the next day it happens again. 3) Job satisfaction, contributing to the household income, our general sense of self worth is a complex issue. If you are 47, with 20 years work still till retirement, the old job may not be right, but are you sure this is, rather than a job similar to your old but a tiny bit less stress?

I have never had a professional level job and the responsibility that brings, so I can't really compare in terms of stress, but, social care (especially at the moment) is stressful, though probably in a different way to you're used to.
It can of course be very rewarding but for me that's just the 'core' of the job iyswim? The other pressures of the expected free work, to constantly be available, impossible work load (which you're very aware affects the people you look after perhaps more than it affects yourself), poor training (but high level of standards expected) and the almost stigma of the status of the job eat away at your self esteem and undermine confidence, especially if you do really care, and you do take it home with you too, in the form of phonecalls and texts about covering shifts and thinking about incidents/worrying about certain people or things that have happened during the shift.
If you're already feeling burned out and like a low paid job in care would be you failing personally, then having it directed at you every day by the lack of respect you're treated with in SC through wages, conditions and attitudes won't help I don't think.

@WhatNowBernadette

Sorry not read the whole thread but what you’ve written has really struck a cord with me.

I’m a qualified ‘professional’ with 2 postgrad additional specialist qualifications. I have a DC with additional needs.

I am dreading going back to work. Dreading the stress. The hours of unpaid work. The responsibility. People looking to me to answer their exceedingly complex problems.

I want out.

But in the 2 weeks before Christmas I was offered 3 lots of additional work on top of my PT job and I could really progress if I wanted. And the 20 something me would have been horrified at my lack of motivation to be promoted.

All I want to do is work in the local care home. I worked in care to pay my way through uni and loved it. But the pay is crap and the conflict of dropping my career wouldn’t be something I can do.