Is this social anxiety?

[LikeALeadBalloon]

How do I stop talking shit when I'm with people I don't know? I'm not very good at making or keeping friends, I keep people at arms length and so we never get to that next stage and it's been like that for so long I would feel out of my comfort zone doing anything other than a few texts and a chat. For years I've relied on work colleagues and a few texts to get commitment free socialising and chat out of my system however my world is more insular than it's ever been. As much as I would love to make friends on paper, I just don't put the effort in long term and I can't keep things casual as I'm pretty sure I make conversations awkward and weird. My mind goes blank and utter shit comes out. I can't stop it as the alternative is hideous silence or simpering over what they've said, so instead I make cringey chat and then genuinely feel self loathing afterwards.

I don't know how to do casual and enjoyable chat and I'm feeling very lonely 😭 is there something that can cure me for 2022? I've not done a self help book but I've read some stuff and putting it into practice is in possible.

I have two and a half hours to rectify this problem in order to have a fabulous 2022! No one learned to feel comfortable in their own skin and stem the bullshit that pours out when making conversation?

I've become more social awkward since Covid.

Sometimes when I am getting ready to meet a friend, I will make a list in my head of the things I want to chat to them about.

It stops me spouting so much shit 🤣

I'm not sure if this is strange, but you could try it?

I scan very much relate to what you’ve said. I’m similar and get so anxious and scared in any social occasion. Like eggs has said I too think of things to say to someone I’m going to meet, about those work/hobbies etc.
I do find that many people love to talk about themselves, so asking them questions means you don’t have to say very much!

@LizzieSiddal

I scan very much relate to what you’ve said. I’m similar and get so anxious and scared in any social occasion. Like eggs has said I too think of things to say to someone I’m going to meet, about those work/hobbies etc. I do find that many people love to talk about themselves, so asking them questions means you don’t have to say very much!

Agreed, people love to talk about themselves. So a generic list of questions about work, family, holidays is also a fab suggestion

Do you think that you could be neurodivergent? Finding the right people to talk to might help?

Yes I do entire conversations beforehand, it's a great help when chat goes that way but often it doesn't and then it goes wrong

I'm not sure to be honest bothofus, I'm fine in very familiar company so I believe it's more a confidence thing. Ive thought about how I was raised and it was quite insular really. Always had the belief that mixing with others wasnt necessary. Sounds snobby but it was more a grumpiness built in to me and I'm sure it's had an impact on me in terms of not trying, who needs friends etc and then I met my partner very young and carried that on. So I guess I'm just always out my comfort zone and zone has just got smaller as my world has the last two years.

So I try rehearsing conversations, but I think I may set them up too much as I have loads of funny things to say and the opportunities never crop up to show off my wit

Ive also read about trying to force yourself to do something each day and it gets easier but this is so hard in practice. Chatting to someone in a shop and I don't even get chance to think, oh let's give this a try, before the exchange is over.

I honestly fell into a rabbit hole on microdosing mushrooms one night as I believed it would help me I need practical real life advice