I’ve been through a lot the past few years and am now profoundly depressed and depleted. I don’t want to feel this way but I honestly don’t know how to get back on track. I am exhausted all of the time and have no motivation to do anything other than the basics. I am managing to work but I am doing the minimum I can get away with. I used to be great at my job and always go above and beyond. I was promoted this year but I have just stopped caring and am making stupid mistakes. I am meeting my son’s needs at a basic level but not no effort in to playing with him or making things fun. I have just given up on self care. Sometimes I go days without brushing my teeth or washing my face as I just don’t have the energy.
There’s not one thing that has caused me to be this way, it’s just been trauma on top of trauma for years. The pain of infertility. Then going through the adoption process, where we have faced hurdle after hurdle. Our social worker says we are the unluckiest adopters she’s ever met. We were matched with our son 2 years ago and he ended up having significantly greater needs than we were prepared for. He completely rejected me and was violent. My husband experienced post adoption depression and was suicidal. It’s only in recent months he’s started to bond with our son at all. I feel like I’ve had to hold the family together and love my son enough for both of us, which was really difficult when he wanted nothing to do with me. Add to this a house move (relocation to a new area 100 miles away where we know no one apart from my in laws), my mum dying and of course, a global pandemic, and I just feel like too much has happened for me to process it and get better. I don’t even know why I’m posting. I guess I just wanted to get it all out. I’d welcome any advice from anyone who’s experienced a difficult few years and has managed to come out the other side. I’m already on antidepressants but not sure they are helping much.