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Original poster

Need a hand hold, Husband in hospital

31 replies

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 11:23

Husband is in hospital waiting to find out if he needs surgery on his penis. He injured it yesterday morning whilst doing sports.

His penis is basically one big ballooned blood blister now.
He's due to have an MRI today to work out if all the blood is coming from a burst vessel which isn't serious and would just heal on its own. Or whether
one of the 2 tubes (can't remember the actual name) that carry blood to cause an errection has been fractured. If it's the later he would need surgery but still may struggle with erections.

I can't visit him due to covid.

I know he wants me to support him by reassuring him and all the usual supportive stuff. He has a tendancy to panic and think the worst.

This is so difficult because we have been having discussuons / arguments recently about our relationship. Basically he thinks that for our relationship to work I need to change...by talking about my feelings more. My natural response to any negative feeling is to withdraw. I can see how talking more would help and I'm willing to try. But I feel so rejected by it. I feel like his love and commitment to our mariage is conditional on me changing.

Any support is appreciated. I'm just on edge waiting by my phone for updates while I'm with one of our sons.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 12:50

They can't do MRI now due to some complication. He has to go for surgery but it will be difficult to work out if the tube is damaged due to all the blood/ blood clots.

This is awful. It seems like he will have permanent erectile dysfunction.

I feel like this is something that I could love with but his mental health, self esteem would take an absolute bashing which I dont know how we would get through.

I want to pull my hair out & cry. But not have to collect other son.

OP posts:

Sewingmachinesssss · 29/12/2021 12:56

If you're struggling to communicate then marriage counseling may help you to learn to communicate better. But now's not the time to really worry about that in the middle of this emergency.

SNUG2022 · 29/12/2021 12:56

Oh op, this is awful. Try and wait until you have the facts, try not to let your mind run away.

Interested in this thread?

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General health

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/12/2021 12:58

MrsLargeEmbodied · 29/12/2021 13:02

they will manage op, they know what they are doing

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 13:13

Thanks so much for your replies.

@Sewingmachinesssss yep. It probs would help. But you're right all the other stuff is taking a back seat. Since the last call all I can think about is the dread he must have about the worst outcome.

@SNUG2022 thats exactly what I've been advising him. I feel like I have to prepare for the worst because honestly the worst seems like a very real and likely possible outcome.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 13:14

@MrsLargeEmbodied @MrsElijahMikaelson1 thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 13:46

He's just gone in for the op. No idea how long it will take. I can't talk to people about it as it is such a sensitive topic and obvs he doesn't want people knowing about it.

OP posts:

tootiredtospeak · 29/12/2021 13:47

Just focus on one thing at a time him getting better and home and then you can address what needs to change in your relationship. Get some counselling together pr apart to help communicate better. It is rarely all one sided there will be faults both sides I am sure.

HighlandCowbag · 29/12/2021 13:50

Fuck OP this sounds so difficult. Concentrate on the injury first. Then deal with other stuff as it happens.

My now dh had to have a stoma fitted 10 years ago due to a perforated bowel. So sort of a similar 'embarrassing' body function. It was difficult for a while but we did get through it.

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 14:29

The worry is awful. @HighlandCowbag thanks for sharing.

@tootiredtospeak yeah I can't even think about the other stuff now.

OP posts:

Blossomandbee · 29/12/2021 14:34

So sorry and really hope he's ok.

All I can say is just take this one step at a time, try not to jump to the worst case scenario. They can do wonderful things these days to help with many disabilities so there will be options to you both I'm sure. Try and keep strong

CovidCorvid · 29/12/2021 14:39

Hopefully it’s an easier surgery and recovery than the worst case. But if he does struggle afterwards there is likely stuff which can be done to help. Hoping you get good new soon.

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 14:40

Found out that op should take an hour, and I think it started at 2:20pm. I wonder how long it will be until he can call me. Aaahhhhhh.

OP posts:

CovidCorvid · 29/12/2021 14:42

If it’s under a GA he could be too groggy to ring for a few hours after he comes round.

andysgirl22 · 29/12/2021 14:48

Couldn't read and run op, just a handhold, thinking of you x

MandUs · 29/12/2021 14:50

What sort of sport was this he was doing? Sounds very suspicious to me.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 29/12/2021 14:53

How worrying, will someone from the hospital be able to ring you once the surgery is finished?

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 14:53

@MandUs I'm not one bit suspicious. I know exactly how it happened, who he was with, where he was. I've been vague as it's outing.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 14:56

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair yeah I guess. I really should have asked him for the ward he's in. I only know the hospital and the point I dropped him off at. I'm sure I could work it out if I haven't heard from him by tomorrow.

OP posts:

sunflowerroses · 29/12/2021 14:59

I had surgery recently that took an hour. I messaged my husband at 10:30 that I was going to theatre and messaged him again at 1:15 saying it was ok. Surgery started around 10:45 so was 2.5 hours after that by time they'd done the op, recovery, back to ward (and my phone!).

I really hope he and you doing ok. Horrible not being able to be there.

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 15:14

Thanks @andysgirl22. I feel like this is one of those posts that makes other people feel better about their lives since it's not as shit as this

@sunflowerroses that's helpful to know thanks.

OP posts:

andysgirl22 · 29/12/2021 15:43

@MarmaladeCloud sadly true!!
Genuinely feel for you and in truth have nothing of use to actually say to you. Try to distract yourself lovely and keep a calm head. Once you know the facts you can deal with them. I did not mean that in a minimising way x

Original poster

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 17:27

He messaged me about 20 mins ago, saying he still feels pissed after the anaesthetics! (So spot on with the timing @sunflowerroses ) He doesn't know the full details yet but they found the fracture in the tube and repaired it.

So worst case scenario is out now as that would have been not finding a fracture but there being a fracture.

I had a cry once he messaged me after keeping it in all day. And I asked him what ward he is in on as I felt stupid and unprepared for not having another way to contact him.

OP posts:

SNUG2022 · 29/12/2021 17:45

Fingers crossed 🤞

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