Feeling crap about 4yo's birthday today

[desperate4spring]

We spent Xmas with my parents and so thought it would be nice to go straight from there to my in-laws for birthday celebrations. MIL said she would 'do a party' for DD and it's been RUBBISH.

We did nothing this morning (mostly because BIL and gf don't get out of bed until midday) then we went for a walk to feed the ducks which we do every time we're here. The rest of the day we have literally been sitting around doing nothing and my DC have been bored out of their brains.
I'd have organised to do something else but was holding out for the 'party' this afternoon which has just been and gone.
They had made a pass-the-parcel which was randomly 'wrapped' up in tatty used Amazon packaging which was literally falling apart. One of my other DDs had M&Ms as her prize which would have been nice if she wasn't allergic to milk!

And that was it.

Oh and they wrapped dd's present in Xmas wrapping paper which doesn't bother me too much but I know from friends who have birthdays around Xmas that this is a big no-no. Thankfully DD is too young to notice really, but I already felt sad that she couldn't have a party with her friends from nursery and I had hoped for a nice day with family. It's just felt really crap and like no thought or effort has gone into it at all ..

That’s a bit shit if they said they’d do it.
I probably would have checked and taken more control of the situation though.
Did you ask what was planned? Are there other kids to organise some games with. Musical statues etc. Is there cake?
Lesson learnt, if you want something doing, you have to do it yourself!!

You'll know what to do next time then?

Yeah, I obviously thought that more had been planned. I'll know to sort it myself in future!
One of my other dds had a vomiting bug on Xmas day too so it's been a bit of a flop all-round this year 🤦🏻‍♀️

My df used to say if you want a job done, do it yourself

I mean this kindly but are you sure that your expectations were realistic and reasonable? I know where you’re coming from, my DD has her birthday this week and we were meant to have a big family party but literally about 90% of our extended family have Covid right now. So it will just be me, DD, her sister, DH and my DM. I said to my mum that I felt awful that her “birthday party” will just be the 5 of us at our house having a “birthday tea”, with some balloons and I’ll get her a cake and we will probably play musical statues. That’s it. And my mum said well what do you think we did on your birthdays?! Apparently every single birthday until we were about 8 was just a “birthday tea” with the immediate family, once we were at school we would also invite one friend home too. My mum would make a cake and we’d have little sandwiches and party rings and whatever. And maybe play a game but sometimes just play with any new toys. That was the entire treat! And you know what, I remember them and I loved my birthdays.

So what I’m trying to say is, maybe you expected a “party” to mean something else but your ILs think that’s sufficient. And it probably is to be fair, did your DD enjoy it? That’s the main thing. We all go way overboard with stuff now and feel like we have to spend loads but maybe a simple party was just right.

Also I know it’s not Instagram-friendly but your DD probably did not care at all that the pass the parcel was wrapped in old Amazon packaging. If it was all just going to be thrown away then it’s a waste to use brand new wrapping paper! As long as she enjoyed the game she won’t care what the paper looked like.

Take her to do something she really likes at the weekend and make that her 'birthday treat day'. Once she's further on in school she will get used to having a party a bit later on when term starts anyway - all the kids I know with Christmas holiday time birthdays do this. Plus you've learned early on not to let them control party arrangements! It's all recoverable.

Is she upset about it though?
My ds can't remember any birthday parties before about age 7 so unless she's actually upset I'd let this slide and make a mental note for next year.

Also, how about arranging a general fun day/party for late spring?

Just a bouncy castle, food and a few friends. Covid shouldn't be an issue by then and planning it with your dds will help you to feel better.

I don't think I'd trust anyone to do one of my children's birthday parties apart from me and DH. I'd say that's a parent's responsibility.

It sounds like you and your MIL had very different expectations and that the plans hadn't been discussed at all.

At least your DD is young enough not to be too bothered, especially if you do something for her birthday tomorrow At least you know better now if you're in the same position again.

My DG has her birthday mid December…she is only 2 …am taking notes!! I hope your daughter enjoyed her day despite everything that upset you 🎁💐

It has to be better than last year. My sun's birthday is in August, so luckily he had his party in the park last year. So many children couldn't even have that because it was the wrong time of year. Presumably your DD was one of them.

*son

YANBU they could have sorted a cake and a few balloons. You could have taken the children out to do something mid morning. Just don't stop there next year. Maybe suggest birthday treat this weekend.