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Original poster

Does anyone ever genuinely have nothing to do?

57 replies

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 15:54

I feel like I have a huge backlog of things that need to be done. I’ve had up and down mental health issues for years and during the down stages things slide and I barely manage to exist. During the up stages I try and catch up but it’s never ending. I feel like I’m trying to dig through a mountain with a teaspoon. When I do sit down to watch tv or go on MN or whatever I’m constantly thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I don’t relax. I keep feeling like I will feel good again when I get things back to zero. When I had my first baby things were at zero. I was working, maintaining my home very well, I could genuinely relax in the evenings as there wasn’t anything more to do. I haven’t felt like that in a long long time. Is it hopeless to think I can get back there?

OP posts:
SantiagoSky · 28/12/2021 17:30

Where did all that clutter come from? Can you find a way to stop accumulating things?

ufucoffee · 28/12/2021 17:30

No never. Even if I thought there was nothing to do, there would be. A house is like the Forth bridge.

rrhuth · 28/12/2021 17:31

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

The things that need doing in my life do need doing. Otherwise the garden is unuseable, like the dining room currently is, and the car is filthy, etc. It all needs regular maintenance.
I would bet my mortgage that some of your targets could be reduced.
ufucoffee · 28/12/2021 17:31

Just to add I'm not in the slightest bit bothered about ignoring things that need doing.

FinallyMrsE · 28/12/2021 17:33

Can you write a list of 10 things every day, 7 ‘regular jobs’ (load of laundry/ironing 10 items/getting stuff ready for the week) and 3 ‘extra jobs’ (clearing a drawer/a tip run/packing away seasonal clothes) and tick them off as you go and stop when you’ve done, over the course of a week that’s a lot of jobs, but not overwhelming (one of the regular jobs could be maintaining the spaces you’ve already done)

It might take some time but if you know you’re doing it every day then when the jobs are done you can sit and relax guilt free as you will know there is a plan for the other stuff.

Tippexy · 28/12/2021 17:35

Stuff I have been meaning to sell for the last few years

Bag it up and take it to the tip. Draw a line under it and move on. If you haven't sorted it out in the last few years, then you're not going to, and that's ok. Get rid.

Original poster
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 17:36

@SantiagoSky

Where did all that clutter come from? Can you find a way to stop accumulating things?
It’s a mix of hoarding behaviours from when my mental health was very bad and the usual accumulation of clothes and toys and stuff that comes with having DC. We also moved from a much larger house to a smaller house and had to take some of the furniture I couldn’t offload in time before the move. I’ve been on top of the hoarding for a while now so there is no more accumulating on that front. Some I have managed to get rid of but it’s a slow process. I can’t even afford a skip to bin it all. And tbh some of the furniture and things are worth money that I really could use to pay off debts so am loathed to dump or give it away.
OP posts:
rrhuth · 28/12/2021 17:38

@Tippexy

Stuff I have been meaning to sell for the last few years

Bag it up and take it to the tip. Draw a line under it and move on. If you haven't sorted it out in the last few years, then you're not going to, and that's ok. Get rid.

If it is saleable it can go to charity. One trip = end of issue.
Original poster
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 17:38

@Tippexy

Stuff I have been meaning to sell for the last few years

Bag it up and take it to the tip. Draw a line under it and move on. If you haven't sorted it out in the last few years, then you're not going to, and that's ok. Get rid.

I do this periodically, but just not often or consistently enough. There’s always something else to grab my attention.
OP posts:
rrhuth · 28/12/2021 17:40

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

That's all fine but you just need to accept you are making the choices you are.

Others choose to reduce the amount they have to do despite the cost trade offs.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 28/12/2021 17:44

You are never gonna realistically sell the stuff though are you 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 17:48

@Fupoffyagrasshole

You are never gonna realistically sell the stuff though are you 🤷‍♀️
I’m not sure why you think that.
OP posts:
Original poster
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 17:51

Regardless of whether I sell the stuff or donate or dump it, it’s still a massive job that I have to do. Which is my point of this thread. The stuff doesn’t just disappear if I decide it won’t get sold. It’s still there needing something to be done to get rid.

OP posts:
MrsSiba · 28/12/2021 17:51

The art of decluttering is a lesson I aim to teach my children from a young age!!! I wish I was better at it. I find it so hard to let things go.

I would concentrate on completing one thing .. So if you bag up clothes for the charity shop, put the bag in the car then drop it off (or walk there). Get there job done. The point is leaving those bags on the hallway/boot will mean you will lose momentum, they will move back into your room, you will end up re-sorting. Better to make multiple trips and get rid. Event if that is the only thing you do that day.

Good luck.

rrhuth · 28/12/2021 17:54

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Regardless of whether I sell the stuff or donate or dump it, it’s still a massive job that I have to do. Which is my point of this thread. The stuff doesn’t just disappear if I decide it won’t get sold. It’s still there needing something to be done to get rid.
Logically it takes far less time to drive to the tip/charity shop than list and sell.

What would you like from this thread? Help to reduce the amount you have to do, or sympathy/solidarity for the amount you have to do?

Original poster
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 28/12/2021 17:58

What would you like from this thread? Help to reduce the amount you have to do, or sympathy/solidarity for the amount you have to do?

I don’t know Grin I think I just needed to hear that it was possible to get back to that point of feeling I could sit down in the evening and relax knowing everything was done. I realise it sounds like I’m making excuses and maybe I am, it just feelings like the longest slog ever, like I’ve permanently been tackling this overwhelming mountain of a to do list. Like I’ve been treading water for years despite feeling like I’m always trying to fix it.

OP posts:
RomComPhooey · 28/12/2021 18:02

In my experience when you have young children you need to radically scale back your expectations about getting stuff done, learn to let the small stuff (the “I really should…”) go and focus on the must do. Simplify, streamline, let go. So what if you only dust every 8 weeks, not once a fortnight? Life’s too short. Something has to give, especially if you work.

MammaGnomes · 28/12/2021 18:08

Have you tried or heard of TOMM? I think it could really help you, it's basically 30 mins a day, a different room each day and then Friday is focused on a particular room so even though your only doing a little bit at a time your ploughing through it eventually. The idea is that it keeps your weekends free of housework because you are keeping on top of it everyday, however if you felt like you needed to you could set yourself tasks at the weekend to focus on another room to clear the clutter. There is a boot camp that you can do to start it off but I found that a bit overwhelming, like I'd never finish it so I just jumped right it.

I have zero guilt sitting down to watch tv now as I know I have done my 30 mins and the house is relatively tidy

MindTheChristmasGap · 28/12/2021 18:12

One thing if you have teens is make sure they are doing something.
The washing up , the vacuuming, getting sine shopping, cooking a meal. Whatever you can get a result with quickly that suits your family.
Then expand this.
In the time they are doing one of these tasks you go do a declutter.

Animood · 28/12/2021 18:26

Another approach to the mountain of stuff could be a teeny tiny bit every day rather than blitz it in one weekend.

Just speaking for myself here but I find it easier to chip away at things every day. If I make something into one big task I find it too overwhelming and put it off.

Why not try and put ONE thing on eBay. The next day, take one thing to the charity shop. Keep going and going. Eventually it will be gone.

Animood · 28/12/2021 18:28

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

What would you like from this thread? Help to reduce the amount you have to do, or sympathy/solidarity for the amount you have to do?

I don’t know Grin I think I just needed to hear that it was possible to get back to that point of feeling I could sit down in the evening and relax knowing everything was done. I realise it sounds like I’m making excuses and maybe I am, it just feelings like the longest slog ever, like I’ve permanently been tackling this overwhelming mountain of a to do list. Like I’ve been treading water for years despite feeling like I’m always trying to fix it.

Do you have anyone who can help you? I'd happily help a friend or family member with this.
ReadtheFT · 28/12/2021 18:31

Just been reading a book about habits. No point deep cleaning the car every so often if it becomes a dump again in tot weeks. Rather, work on how/why it becomes a dump smelly mess and install good habits, for example take all rubbish with you when u park up at home, that kind of things.
Keep the expensive stuff to sell, rest go to charity/recycling centre. Laundry is done daily so doesnt build up, shed once uncluttered needs to be clear on what can go in there, and so on. If habits dont change, result doesnt change either, and you will be at the same point again.
The people I know that have always their house in order and their life organised i noticed that they do things as soon as needed rather then letting stuff build up.
Hope this helps.

ToooOldForThis · 28/12/2021 18:35

I found TOMM helpful to a point, it was 30 mins a day on top of the basics, and sometimes I didn't even have time to do the basics!

LeonoraFlorence · 28/12/2021 18:36

I understand the endless cycle. We have a large house but also lots of things. We have 5 little DDs and the books/toys/clothes etc. That come along with them.
My best advice is get a skip and get rid. You know you won’t get round to selling these things, you say yourself you haven’t yet. It will clear your mind and spur you on.

Bumpsadaisie · 28/12/2021 18:44

The simple trick is to make sitting down and allowing yourself a recharge one of the things on your to do list.

It will also help you achieve all the other things on the list more efficiently.

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