Is anyone awake? OH's dad just died. I can't go be with him

[oldermam]

So I'm sat home alone, I had a burst ovarian cyst yesterday so I'm still in pain and feeling rotten, so he wouldn't let me drive him to the hospital. Feeling a little lost,

FIL has been poorly for a while, they said on Xmas eve they have stopped all treatment as fils request, OH has sat with him day and night since, except today, he came home early because his dad was a bit brighter and he wanted to look after me too. 😩 he passed away about 2am.

Sorry to hear this OlderMam - what a sad night for you all.

Aw. That's sad.

Sorry to hear about this. I’ve had an ovarian cyst before and it was so painful. And having family tragedies when feeling ill is the worst.

So sorry to hear this. It’s a difficult time of year for so many people. It sounds like your husband has really tried to be there for everyone. I hope you’re feeling better soon and that your husband manages to deal with his sad loss.

I'm so sorry op thinking of you all

I had a nurse telling me once that in their experience people who are about to die sometimes wait until their relatives have left and then they die.

So don't feel guilty that your OH couldn't be there when it happened.

He was with him a large part of his final journey.

All the best ❤️

I’m so sorry to hear this and sad that your Dh wasn’t with him, sending you both love and strength xx

I am so sorry. I lost my mum a few weeks ago. Its truly awful. Sending you both my love

@teaandchocolate1

I had a nurse telling me once that in their experience people who are about to die sometimes wait until their relatives have left and then they die.

So don't feel guilty that your OH couldn't be there when it happened.

He was with him a large part of his final journey.

All the best ❤️

This is the same thing that happened to DMIL, everyone sat around her bedside for a few days and when they left to use toilets/ go for showers etc she passed away. DFIL was the same but he only had nurses around him in last few days as no one could visit due to COVID. When she left to do handover he passed away. We were told this often happens, and your DH has been there the rest of the time so he shouldn’t feel bad about that. You both haven’t sympathies OP, what a sad time for you and your family x

So sorry OP

So sorry for your and your family's loss, @oldermam.

My friend's mum recently passed away in hospital. My friend and her sister had sat with their mum day and night for several days. As soon as their mum seemed a bit stronger they left to go home to see their children and have a shower etc but within a few short hours of them leaving, their mum passed away. My friend is struggling with what she calls 'guilt' for not being there for her mum, but I suspect it happens this way for a reason, unbeknown to us. The replies on this thread confirm that for me.

Sending you strength to get through the coming days and weeks.

Your dh was with him when it mattered and fil felt loved. Don’t feel guilty that you can’t be with dh right now op, you would if you could and when he’s home you can hug him. Dh will need you to hold his hand over the next few months and you will be there for him them. I’m sorry you are having such a tough time

I'm so sorry

That happened to me too. Sat for days at my dad's bedside then the day I went home for a shower etc, my oldest l brother went to see a friend near the hospital and my other brother was at home, he died with just mum and a nurse there. I don't think he wanted his children there, my youngest brother was a teen and had been home alone.

Same with me and my dad. Sat in the hospice for the best part of a week. Died 90 mins after I left.

Same here for me and my late DMum. I sat with her for 3 days, left to go and put my DS's to bed, 40 miles away. I'd just got in and took the call to say she had just passed away
I like to think that was the way she chose to go
It's very common, so he mustn't feel guilty.
sending my thoughts