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Original poster

Weird Male behaviour

43 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 27/12/2021 22:25

I'm not really sure why I am posting here- but i dont know what to think about this.
I have a very good friend , who has an uncle - he is single and about 10 years older than me. (I'm 47)
I probably see this man about 5 times a year maximum at various events, but also at things like helping people move in the family etc I've chatted to him, and been part of his life for many years. Hes always spiky and every time I see him, he makes a big over dramatic deal of 'not remembering' me/my name/who I am. It's not done as a joke, it used to really disarm me but in recent events, I've busied myself talking to the kids and pretending I havent noticed or heard him.
I had put him down as a bit of a knob - then after a family gathering yesterday , today another member of the family contacted me to say that he had confessed to having feelings for me and was I available. This is definitely not a prank or anything like that, it's just so so bizarre. He's been so rude to me for as long as I have known him!

OP posts:

TheWeeDonkey · 28/12/2021 09:39

Bossy, rude, petty and entitled.

Its a wonder why this man is single and twice divorced. He sounds like a real catch.

Afonavon · 28/12/2021 09:45

Is this what the youngun’s call negging? It is a weird concept that only signposts a dickhead in my oppinion.

Avoid like the plague!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/12/2021 09:47

@ElftonWednesday

I'd take the piss out of him back in front of everyone for "forgetting" who I was. "Well, you've known me for [x]. Is it alcohol or old age? Oh dear 🤣!"

Stupid twat.

This, or whatever variation you're comfortable with. You've put up with this long enough. Assert yourself, and put your foot down (with a firm hand).

Ibane · 28/12/2021 09:50

OP, it’s depressing that you actually sound flattered by this ridiculous situation with the pseudo-amnesiac ‘alpha uncle’ who ‘tells people what cars to use’.

The proper response to being told he fancied you would have been ‘Who? Oh, the bad-tempered little man with the glitchy memory? Eww.’

Onlinedilema · 28/12/2021 10:00

I was going to post a similar thing to Ibane
Reply "Which one is that?"
Then when the reply comes say "This is a joke right? He's far too old for me and besides I'm not single."
I would also make your friend aware of this and how much it has creeped you out, just so they are fully aware of the facts and uncle Spikey can't belittle you again.

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:03

@Ibane

OP, it’s depressing that you actually sound flattered by this ridiculous situation with the pseudo-amnesiac ‘alpha uncle’ who ‘tells people what cars to use’.

The proper response to being told he fancied you would have been ‘Who? Oh, the bad-tempered little man with the glitchy memory? Eww.’

Not at all!!! Look at my 2nd post which says I'm definitely not interested and my first post which says I've always thought he was a knob. Also, how disarming I have found him and how I have had to avoid his nastiness by talking to the kids. Not. At. All. Flattered.

OP posts:

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:04

@Afonavon

Is this what the youngun’s call negging? It is a weird concept that only signposts a dickhead in my oppinion.

Avoid like the plague!

Just googled. Sounds like it!

OP posts:

Ibane · 28/12/2021 10:18

Well, you are coming across as flattered, with all that stuff about him being the ‘alpha uncle’ who tells everyone what to do and is revered and looked up to by everyone — apart from you, whom he unflatteringly appeared never to remember from one meeting to the next, only now it turns out he was only being mean because he Had Feelings.

Also, you keep saying he ‘disarmed’ you or you found him ‘disarming’, when you’re misusing this term — if someone disarms you metaphorically, it means they charmed you or made you like them against your will.

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:33

Ibane I was answering a poster who asked me to explain what I meant by 'alpha'
By disarmed, I meant taking away my confidence and power.
I find this treatment upsetting and I do not like him at all. I have been very clear if you read the full thread or even just this post.

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/12/2021 10:37

@crochetmonkey74. Don't let him take away your power then. Take it back, by being assertive, and showing your are having no more of it. You know what he's like by now, practice the response you want to make, if there's a next time.

SirYawnsAlot · 28/12/2021 10:40

I think some people are being deliberately obtuse and not reading words in context (like Uncle Spiky).
Anyway, this man sounds like a twonk.

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:41

[quote SpongeBobJudgeyPants]@crochetmonkey74. Don't let him take away your power then. Take it back, by being assertive, and showing your are having no more of it. You know what he's like by now, practice the response you want to make, if there's a next time.[/quote]
Definitely will do this. Family member has said to him I'm seeing someone and I have mentioned to her that he's rude to me often and i find it horrible.
I don't think I'll see him at anything now until well into the year as he is not doing the family new year stuff. So I will definitely have a good think and practice at how I can get the power back for myself.

OP posts:

MushMonster · 28/12/2021 10:42

Run! Fast!

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:43

@SirYawnsAlot

I think some people are being deliberately obtuse and not reading words in context (like Uncle Spiky). Anyway, this man sounds like a twonk.

Loads of threads have gone like this recently. I've been on here for ages and this seems to be a new pattern.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2021 10:44

Wrt taking the power back. Can you not just appear unbothered and aloof? So essentially just don't engage at all - don't be drawn into any kind of interaction and if he does do the 'Who are you routine' don't rise to it. Just a casual 'that's nice' and keep it moving if you have to. I've found with people who do things like this are after a reaction.

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 10:49

@VladmirsPoutine

Yeah been doing this by appearing distracted with kids etc but I think I could up the ante by starting talking to others while he is mid routine etc. I can work out a way to deal with him definitely, I was just more aghast that he might think any of this has been ok and I might be 'available' to him after how he has treated me!!

OP posts:

Ibane · 28/12/2021 11:18

@crochetmonkey74

Ibane I was answering a poster who asked me to explain what I meant by 'alpha' By disarmed, I meant taking away my confidence and power. I find this treatment upsetting and I do not like him at all. I have been very clear if you read the full thread or even just this post.

Yes, I’ve read all your posts. As well as calling him spiky and saying you found his pretence of forgetting you upsetting, you’ve also emphasised his power, and how revered and loved he is by all the family. (I think their behaviour is deeply odd, incidentally — if my uncle suddenly confessed to being attracted to a much younger, attached family friend, I’d tell him to cop himself on, not trot off and relay it to the friend, as if she might legitimately be dying to go out with a man who is a decade older and rude to her. How did you respond?)

Original poster

crochetmonkey74 · 28/12/2021 11:25

I responded by telling her he is always rude to me, I'm not interested and I'm seeing someone.
He is the head of their family, and they do defer to him for decisions etc. Things are not always black and white are they? He has been a rock for the family in many ways - they are not all idiots or odd for relying on him. This thread was more about how strange he has been to me and how shocked I was by how he could think that was ok.

OP posts:

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