If you are not a natural host and/or introverted, how do you cope with visitors?

[Claymorekick]

I am both very introverted and not a natural host so find having visitors really stressful - I stress about what to feed people, what to talk about for hours and can manage about 3 hours before I want them to leave and I can retreat back to my own world

In contrast, my sister always has an open and welcoming house, entertaining comes very naturally to her, will have people over all the time for days on end and it blows my mind this also means she does the bulk of entertaining when our parents/other family (me and my sister live 15 mins apart whereas our parents/other siblings live at least 90 mins away) come over which makes me feel guilty

Clearly I cannot change my personality but any tips to make it easier/more enjoyable?

I'm quite introverted and a little anxious so find social events tiring, but generally I do enjoy company. My kind of people that is. I try to make an effort having family and friends over (in small doses) as my DC enjoy it and I want them to have good memories - not of a miserable mum who hated people coming over!

My DM has an open house and growing up we had people in and out all day. I loved it, but when I needed my quiet time I disappeared to my room.

Sorry in answer to your question, I usually plan short visits. I find most people are busy anyway and don't have time. I can't deal with sleepovers at all so don't encourage them with the DC. Thank God for covid they haven't asked in ages. I like to ensure I have plenty of snacks and drinks and I feel less anxious when visitors turn up unannounced. I rarely do full on meals for guests as I'm a crap cook so we order food if need be.

I'm an introvert and quite like hosting because, as others have said, I am in control and can also retreat to my room for a bit of peace if needs be. That said, I am on day 6 of immediate family staying, and although it has been lovely, they should have gone home today rather than tomorrow. My dad wanted to stay until Wednesday but I only have a small house and frankly I want some time to myself before going back to work, so I said no, and I didn't feel guilty. This may be the only break I get for a while, and I want to see friends.

I've also decided, after a fairly disastrous visit from a friend a few months ago, that non-family guests are limited to two nights, with a few notable exceptions.

It’s so nice to read about people who aren’t happy to spend days hosting! I’ve managed to avoid having anyone to the house for over a year now. But I’ve invited friends round for New Years Eve and already regretting it. Was hoping that restrictions would mean we had to cancel but sadly not! I’m hoping that lots of board games will make it bearable for me

No-one ever stays over at ours because there's no reason to do so (everyone lives within a 30-45 min drive, if not closer) which makes it easier. It also means people can drop in whenever they want and I can do that with them too. In turn, this means I'm more relaxed in their company because I know them better and any quiet bits feel less awkward. I suppose, because they drop in fairly regularly, they don't stay as long and we don't usually have to prepare any food for them. I find that conversation just flows from one thing to another and I don't feel I have to mentally prepare a list of topics. I usually just ask about their work and tell them about mine (because we all seem to have jobs where we work here, there and everywhere, no two days are the same so there's plenty of things to talk about). Visitors are welcome to pour their own tea (we have a massive teapot on the go almost all the time) or make their own instant coffee and there's usually crisps, chocolate or other crap available for them to nibble on should they choose too. We're not drinkers and don't have alcohol in the house so don't have any of the fighting that my family are so good at when they've had a few too many drinks and it also means everyone can easily make their own way home when they've had enough.

I love having people over to my house. At Christmas, we had 18 adults and 12 children for dinner.
I think I'm a laid back host. As long as I have plenty food and drink to offer you I'm happy to chat away.
I love having friends over for dinner/takeaways and they stay overnight it's more relaxed.
I'm also happy having dd's friends for play dates and dinner.
I like chatting with people and getting to know them.

GreensQueen22

I’m thinking about leaving my husband, we’ve been married 11 years and have two children. I think really I’ve just out grown him. I was attracted to him for many reasons but mainly I knew he wouldn’t abuse me or be unfaithful - he was safe. And I’d had a history of bad relationships. Looking back I probably over looked some key things which were missing in our relationship. I’m now too wise and unwilling to do so. He’s never been able to talk about his emotions, his desires, worries, wants or even just what makes him happy. He never tells me he loves me, kisses me, touches me or shows he cares! He does rub my feet at night and always brings this up when I talk about how I feel. He knows I’m unhappy. But really he can’t talk about anything other than maybe feeding the cats or what’s on TV with me. He doesn’t talk to his friends and has minimal contact with family.
He also never comes to bed or wakes at the same time as me, something that’s bothered me for 11 years. Ive tried in the past to encourage compromise eg. coming to bed with me 1 night a week. It’s never worked, he’s not really interested. He now doesn’t want sex and I’m at the end of the line trying to hold things together. He never wants to spend time with me, and again I’ve given up trying with date night last etc. It’s exhausting after being the only one for so long.
He leaves all finance, admin, arranging diy, children’s clubs, children’s clothes, school stuff, bills, pensions, cars to me. I’ve always been the main earner and for the last 18 months he’s been unemployed. During his time unemployed he struggled to buy shopping on a regular basis and never really got into a routine. He can cook though if I plan the meals. He has a job now and will start in January. I’ve been diagnosed with anemia and have been struggling with fatigue and I think feeling low. It’s at times like this when I feel so alone. I feel tearful and so in need of support. I wasn’t diagnosed anemic for months and basically struggled on till I was on my knees. Feel like he could maybe have noticed? I was wrung out but didn’t know how bad till my boss made me stop work. I’m really anxious about going back to work, I’ve been signed off for 4 weeks. My girls cuddle me when I’m upset he doesn’t seem to notice or care.
His mum is ill and in a care home. She’s been in the home almost a year and he’s visited a handful of times. He ever talks about her and rarely contacts his brother. To be honest his family are not communicators. He doesn’t dislike them it’s just a dysfunctional relationship - although he won’t admit it.
I feel bad leaving cause hes not really changed it’s just I’ve woken up a bit. We’ve had some good times over the years and my girls will be devastated but lately we can barely have a conversation without arguing and they are starting to feel the complete lack of love between us. I don’t want them to be affected by this long term.
He’s always struggled to show he cared and in the past has forgotten or not bothered with my birthday or Christmas presents, recently I’ve insisted he buys me even just a card or a small thing to set an example to our children. He’s managed to do this but I always dread birthdays as I know I’ll ultimately get nothing and have to put a brave face on. Now that I’ve written this I feel it’s obvious that I’ve been fighting to save the relationship all along and I’ve just given up now and got really angry. I would say I’ve no respect for him and struggle to contain my anger at times. We’ve had a bit of counselling in the past. It was then I realised that he genuinely couldn’t talk about his feelings. I thought he just refused to talk to annoy me but he told the counsellor he didn’t know what to say and he feared sounding silly?! So he just said nothing. I’ve tried talking to him and he says he doesn’t feel like talking. I’ve asked if he ever will talk and he said he will just not now?
Is it fair to leave him?