I don't think I can do it any more

[QuestionableMouse]

Sorry, this might be long and no one has to reply. I just need to get it out somewhere.

My mum caught Covid in early September and spent almost nine weeks in hospital, then a couple weeks in a care home for rehab.

A week after she came home, she collapsed on the morning with what the docs thought was a TIA. They sent her home from the hospital the same day, she "fell" later on on the night and we had to get the carers out to get her back up. About midnight the same day, she started having seizures and was taken back to hospital where she was admitted for a week.

She only has one working lung (fucking Covid) and was very wheezy at the start of last week. On Tue night, I ended up driving her through to A&E because she couldn't breathe properly. I spent the night there with her until she was admitted to a ward. She had a chest infection and what they think is COPD. I visited on the Wed and she was convinced that she was dying- to the point where she was crying and telling me what she wanted for the funeral. She came home on Christmas day and still wasn't quite right.

She was worse again today and I basically had to force her to phone the ward - they were no help and told her to ring 111. After an hour on hold with them, she hung up and wasn't going to do anything until I essentially bullied her into getting my dad to drive her to the hospital.

I just can't take it any more- it's always me who has to make the call of phoning ambulances or driving her to the hospital. I'm fucking terrified all the time that she's not going to recover from whatever the next thing is... But I'm also getting angry because she won't help herself - it took over an hour for them to leave the house for the hospital today when in reality she could have been there at 11 or 12 am if dad had just taken her rather than all the pissing around.

I'm so anxious all the time, I'm considering asking the doc for some medication. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I want from this thread but just needed to get it all out. I genuinely feel like packing my shit in the car and running away so someone else has to take the load for a while, but there's no one who can. My dad is useless - he just switches off and does nothing and my sister has two young kids and no real help as she's just split from her husband and his side of the family aren't willing to help.

I dunno where to turn or what do do next.

Sounds awful OP. I genuinely don't know what to suggest. Probably visit your GP and ask to be sign posted to places to support you (carers groups etc).

You poor thing, sounds so awful, no wonder you are stressed out of your brain. Do you or your Mum have the funds to get a live in nurse for a while to give you a break?

Oh bloody Hell, I empathise with you. I also have a very poorly parent (Dad) who seems to be close to the end of his life.

The anxiety is so extreme that I fear that the level of cortisol is continually too high and will be causing me lasting damage.

I don’t have advice, just a hand hold and acknowledgement that it is excruciating.

Thanks. No funds for a nurse, unfortunately, unless there's something funded that I don't know about atm.

I'm sorry about your dad, @Afonavon, it's so fucking horrible. I hope you get some peace. I've been referred for tests for a possible stomach ulcer and I'm sure it's all down to the stress.

Of course you're worried.

I have a terminally ill parent so totally get that.

That aren't will also delay being admitted for hours on end at times.

But look at it from their POV. Weeks and weeks in hospital. It's hardly the nicest place at the best of times but very restrictive due to covid.

If you'd spent weeks and weeks in hospital and could delay going back by an hour or so - wouldn't you?

Providing they are both competent and able to make decisions you have to accept your mum can make decisions about her own health.

@itsgettingweird

Of course you're worried.

I have a terminally ill parent so totally get that.

That aren't will also delay being admitted for hours on end at times.

But look at it from their POV. Weeks and weeks in hospital. It's hardly the nicest place at the best of times but very restrictive due to covid.

If you'd spent weeks and weeks in hospital and could delay going back by an hour or so - wouldn't you?

Providing they are both competent and able to make decisions you have to accept your mum can make decisions about her own health.

Oh I know all that. ☹️🤷🏻‍♀️☹️ It's just she leaves everything until its an emergency and it's always me who has to deal with it and honestly I'm at the end of my rope.

@LittleOverWhelmed

Sending you

No real advice, I had similar with my mum, but my dad was no longer here and I was effectively an only child (it is complicated…). I just hung in there and - to be perfectly honest - compartmentalised my life and detached a fair amount: I just had to.

Agree with trying to get some support. Get it from your partner (assuming you have one) and your sister should still help (even though she has young kids). Hopefully the GP can suggest some support organisations. I felt thoroughly unsupported and it really sucked.

Hang in there.

[flowers]

Thank you. I'm sorry you had to deal with it too. It sucks so much. I'm going to contact her GP once they reopen and see what's available.