I feel like a horrible person and I'm ashamed of myself

[soguiltridden]

I feel like a horrible person and I can't look at myself the same way for this.

We have an elderly relative who has always had really poor table manners. Even when they were much younger and more able, they would eat a full dinner in around 5 minutes. It wasn't pleasant to watch; they had just never been taught or learnt how to eat normally with a knife and a fork, chew with mouth closed, etc. Now they are elderly, bless them but it has gotten worse and food gets everywhere.

I am quite squeamish when it comes to food, I don't know why but I even get grossed out seeing a toddler making a mess with a biscuit, let alone having a full meal everywhere. (I don't have children yet). My family say Im a 'neat freak', during lockdown it nearly developed into compulsive handwashing and compulsive showering and impacted my mental health a lot, so I have precedent for being obsessive about cleanliness.

I was supposed to be joining my family for a meal with this relative, but I really can't stomach the idea of sitting around the small table with them whilst eating. I feel absolutely awful and ashamed of myself. I was going to leave before the meal to avoid doing so.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this, I feel really guilty :( I know they can't help it

No idea, but I have similar, I’m not that keen on eating in front of people to start with, and any food mess turns my stomach. I went to lunch with a friend and she was picking food out of her teeth. She was being discreet but I knew what she was doing. It took a lot of strength to carry on eating my food.

One tip I have is sit alongside them rather than opposite them. You get less of a view.

I don’t think you should be ashamed of yourself though, you can’t help having a weak stomach.

Pretend you're at the zoo watching the monkeys have their tea.

If you're lucky, a baby one might come along with a biscuit and they'll start throwing shit at each other. And you.

Sit as far away from them as you reasonably can if they make a mess, and avoid looking in their direction. It should make it easier that they eat so quickly. Or make an excuse for the first few minutes of the meal (such as popping to the loo) but insist that everyone starts anyway because you will be right back. You could take your plate and pop it in the microwave to "keep it warm" if you are worried about mess getting onto your plate. Thats what I would do but it really depends on how your family does things