Feeling suffocated by toddlers. Worse Mom ever.

[SleepingStandingUp]

I come to bed and immediately one wakes up, needs water, needs touching til they fall asleep. Last night we had one each, mine had to lie across my shoulder because it was the only way he'd stop crying. I felt so hot and sick but if I moved him he cried and screamed. I got him down at 1 am (about two hours) then he needed resettling at 4.30. 7 am the 6 yo comes in, I tell him he can't and I'll come to him (DH had put other toddler in with us and he'd actually slept) so he doesn't listen and tries to climb over me, hurting me by accident. I get him in his room and toddler wakes. Get 6 yo to settle and try to settle toddler in our bed. DH wakes and takes I'm down stairs so 6 yo gets in my bed for 10 then goes down with DH who leaves me to sleep (by now it's nearly 8).
I have food and the toddlers are THERE on my lap trying to share. They pay no heed of DH with identical food. Mince pie today, I got half way through, one stole the other half then fed me cream off his fingers he'd licked.

I just feel like if I could sleep through it might feel less suffocating but it's roughly every three hours. 5 hours the uther night felt miraculous.

And I feel so guilty. I have these lovely kids who love me but sometimes the sleep thing feels so personal. Even if I come up earlier, they'll just do their first wake. I'm such a terrible Mom to resent their needs

Sorry please can you clarify how many kids you have and their ages? You’ve been talking about “toddlers” but it sounds like you only have one toddler, a 2 year old, and the other child is 6? Do you think of the 6 year old as a toddler? If so that might be part of the issue.

Thanks @washablevelvet, I'll take a look. The problem will letting them just have a good cry in the night is they share a room. There's no other option and they wouldn't want to be split (my best sleeps are when they peacefully coexist in one bed together) which wakes up the other and then they both scream. I do try and cuddle them in their beds and ours is a last resort because of waking twin or my sanity.

@LapinR0se you aren't working but it's much more complex in a small room with two kids who will wake up their twin either by cry or NG or blundering around the small room or climbing into their twins bed for comfort

Sorry cross posted I see you have two year old twins and a 6 year old. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I take my hat off to you, if you’re all fed and dressed and alive every day then you’re winning. Sorry it’s tough.

@Newnews

Sorry please can you clarify how many kids you have and their ages? You’ve been talking about “toddlers” but it sounds like you only have one toddler, a 2 year old, and the other child is 6? Do you think of the 6 year old as a toddler? If so that might be part of the issue.

She's got two year old twins and a six year old.

Stuck thats a very difficult situation- could you post it again in a separate thread of its own?

@Mittenmob 💐

trust me @BlueShirtGuy, conversation was had! He wandered out his room at midnight bless him having had a bad dream last night but easily went back to bed, I cuddled him and he fell asleep. Didn't come back till 6 🙄😴. He's struggling with adapting to twins. It was easy in the early days but now they demand more of my time and he's at school (😕 his face re school) I think he "needs" those morning cuddles to feel settled for the day. But absolutely not allowed to wake the bloody baby!!!!

Sleep train. They don't come into your bed (unless sick etc) and they don't eat off your plate. Stand up for yourself. You're not a bad mum, but being a good mum doesn't mean giving them every single thing they want, 24/7.

@MrsJBaptiste

Have you got twins OP? Or do you have a 6 year old and two smaller children?

6yo and 2 yo twins

@Newnews

Sorry please can you clarify how many kids you have and their ages? You’ve been talking about “toddlers” but it sounds like you only have one toddler, a 2 year old, and the other child is 6? Do you think of the 6 year old as a toddler? If so that might be part of the issue.

No he's def not a toddler and he isn't granted as such. Sorry to be confusing.

I missed Stucks post?

Yes @PermanentTemporary. Sorry. Thought I’d created a new thread.

@SleepingStandingUp. Sorry. Was completely not connected to your post. I thought I’d started a new thread.
I obviously can’t navigate Mumsnet very well.

All the best.x

Xx

That makes sense. Fwiw the article I posted didn’t involve any crying for us, just tonnes of role playing which I loathe 😂

Oh OP don't be hard on yourself. You're knackered. I'm tired just hearing about it. Kids are relentless and we don't have endless energy.
Hang in there, you're doing a great job.

We're often taught growing up that we should feel a certain way and that if our actions don't match our feelings, the actions are worth nothing. (To me this is quite a Christian viewpoint and a lot of our culture is still culturally Christian even though very few people are religious - I'm not). In fact, to be a good parent you often have to overcome difficult feelings and still act like a good parent. So you can be feeling inside that this is boring, that nobody should have to be this tired and still function, that it's not fair, that you're miserable, that you're angry. And still you get on with it, speak gently to your children, decide on fair treatment, give them what they need, sometimes what they want, work out the differences between the two. And that's good parenting. The feelings not being ideal do NOT make you a bad parent, not if you recognise them and still act right. Training your children to recognise and control their own feelings is important and can't really be done unless you accept your own.