Want to run away (PMDD related)

[ChristmasAdam]

Currently at in-laws for Christmas which is fine, they are amazing with the kids and do a lot for us. However I am all out of energy and feeling incredibly low. It's about the right time in my cycle for my mood to drop off (I have PMDD) and I just want to run away from DH, kids and family and never come back. I'm paranoid he is going to leave me or is cheating on me and I'm fixating on suicide too. I would never act on this, it's just a feeling of wanting to disappear and that life for my loved ones would be better without me.

I've let things slip for the past two months as I had been using lifestyle changes (exercise, no caffeine or alcohol) to ward off the strong symptoms effectively. Theres a lot of stress at home mostly due to moving house as well.

I don't know why I'm posting this really, I don't have anyone I want to talk to about it. DH doesn't really understand the sudden mood swings and extreme intrusive thoughts. I'm fed up of it every single month. The only silver lining is that it does stop once my period comes!

A bit of a rant here but I just need to come back and be 'myself' somehow

Hi @ChristmasAdam
ive just come across your post above but I’m really hoping you see this message as I’ve come on here for help.
it sounds like I myself could have written your post!!!! But I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet. I want to visit my gp as im convinced I have PMDD. It’s come back since my periods have returned after 3rd baby. It’s debilitating but will a normal gp be able to diagnose or will I need to go To a specialist? How did you get a diagnosis?

i hope you are ok?

Hi @Busylizzymumma I have pmdd, I went to my doctor and told her I think I have pmdd I told her how I was feeling I broke down crying as I really needed to tell someone how bad it was.
I found writing down how I felt at the time helped because as soon as I got my period I felt like myself again and couldn't really remember how bad it had got. I would convince myself if it happens again I'll know what to do. It doesn't work that way though.

Please go speak to your doctor or your partner. I was very good at hiding it, my DH didn't have a clue. For me the anger I felt scared me, and the thoughts of how I wanted to kill myself was so overwhelming.
There is a list of pmdd symptoms I ticked everyone.

She put me on the combined pill ovreena. It has helped so much I am not having intrusive thoughts, or sobbing. The pill has been a life saver it has helped me be myself again. I hope you go speak to your doctor and start to feel better soon. My doctor told me if the pill doesn't help there are other options we could try.

@ilovetea14 hi there - thank you for writing your post! I also could have written that one myself. The amount of times I’ve booked doctors appointments in moments of turmoil and two weeks later when it gets to the appointment I felt completely normal again then like you say couldn’t remember how I felt so i would cancel the appointment. I don’t know whether it’s best to go in when I feel bad or normal. Right now I’m two days into my period and I feel clear minded, happy, energetic. Give it two weeks and I will be the complete opposite. I’ve tracked since my periods returned in April. I had a baby last year so haven’t had a period until recently but the symptoms are creeping back. In 2020 I went through hell with this and never saw a doctor as I’m so frightened they will laugh at me. My DH is very aware of what’s happening and supportive and he is going to come to the gp with me.
did you find also that when you went back to normal, you cant imagine feeling as bad as you sometimes do. It’s like childbirth, you forget the true extent of the pain.

also do you have a job that it affects and does your workplace have anything in place to support you if so?

kindest wishes x

Since been diagnosed with pmdd lots of things make so much sense now. I use to think I was going crazy. I felt the same thought they would laugh at me but my doctor was so understanding and listened to me.

I knew I had to go as I would be shouting and screaming at the kids for no reason I didn't want it to damage our relationship.
Yes when I got my period I couldn't imagine feeling so hopeless, and horrible thoughts going through my mind. I was also so tired I would wake up with ached and pains. I work from home but my family,friends and DH have been very supportive. I'm very open about how I struggled I now just get normal PM's symptoms. Don't be afraid to go see the doctor. I wasnt sure how I would say it I wrote down how I felt before my period and read it to the doctor.

@ilovetea14 oh you’ve been super helpful.
I will do just this - write it all down.
awww I’m so happy you have found a way forward.

@Busylizzymumma I'm glad I could help. Good luck with the doctor. If you ever need to talk just pm me x

@ilovetea14 thank you - that’s very very kind x

Hi @Busylizzymumma and @ilovetea14 I've just seen there has been some activity on the thread! I second the advice given here, track the timings of your symptoms with your cycles and write everything down. I too got a diagnosis from a lovely Dr who gave me time to talk and tried her best to support me (sadly we have moved away from the area now).
I hope you're both doing OK. PMDD is a literal nightmare for me. Although I'm currently having a rough time

@ChristmasAdam I'm sorry to hear your having a rough time is it due to pmdd? Since I've been put on the combined pill this time last year I've been doing really well, it has really helped more then I thought it would/could.

@ChristmasAdam i hope you’re ok. I recently had a period and felt so calm and serene but even as early as two days after it has stopped, I can feel the rage building up in me. Then I start wondering if I am imagining these symptoms etc. Can anyone else relate to this? Or the feeling of calm around period time?

@Busylizzymumma I can relate to the rage I could feel the build up of anger I felt like I could kill someone. That was the main reason I went to the doctor as it scared me how angry and hateful I felt. I couldn't cope anymore I felt I was pushing my family away. I'm very open about my pmdd now before I kept a lot to myself. I know I've had pmdd since I was a teenager but thought it was normal teenage hormones.

It took me along time to seek help as I thought I was depressed. But the calm after my period arriving its like a switch went on and I was back to myself.

@ilovetea14 its awful but fascinating how powerful hormones are. I’m the same, I have thought many times over the years that I am actually frightened of myself.
if you had seen me on Thursday last week I you would have thought I was seriously depressed. Then within a day of my period starting every single symptom disappeared and I was a new person! I have tracked my periods since they returned after I had my baby. Have been free of these symptoms pretty much while pregnant and breastfeeding since august 2020. I was dreading the return of my period recently as the way I felt before my pregnancy was just horrific. I have a nice life and still every single month was plagued by extreme uncontrollable anxiety, dark thoughts, depression and mood swings. I always used to wonder why I felt so energised when I came onto my period as was wondering to myself, shouldn’t I feel unmotivated because of the bleeding but instead, I get this feeling of liberation and freedom. When pregnant I don’t have these horrific symptoms. How about you?

It's weird talking about how I use to feel as I don't feel like that anymore, since I started taking the combined pill.

I'm not quick to anger, not bursting out crying, don't have suicidal thoughts, don't wake up with pains all over my body. I'm proud of myself that I took the first step to go speak to my doctor, because I would talk myself out of it and tell myself it's not that bad.

I know if I do start to feel like that again I can go to my doctor and look at changing what I'm taking.
@Busylizzymumma have you booked a doctor's appointment?

Ive not had pmdd confirmed but everything I've read suggests that I have it, as did my mother and possibly grandmother. I was told I was manic depressive at one point which seemed to fit, but lithium did nothing for me and the "cycling" of mood was 100% menstrual cycle linked. I got the contraceptive implant and that fixed me totally by accident. I was terrified when I had it taken out to conceive but I got through it and got a new one ASAP. I'm now hoping to keen renewing the implant until menopause time, really not sure how that's going to play out, so may need to see a GP then.

Wow thanks for this thread - i think i might have this. Never even heard of it! Every month at some point my mental health absolutely nosedives. I've just downloaded an app to track what's going on.

@ilovetea14 hi there, no I haven’t booked one yet. I keep hoping that I’m not going to feel that awful again. If I feel awful in a week or two then I know I need to book one.
it’s so difficult as when the symptoms are not there it’s difficult to acknowledge how awful the symptoms are. A docs appt is definitely on my mind though but I’m currently tracking mood every single day.

@Badqueen @DogDaysNeverEnd Its really interesting to hear from you both and thanks for sharing. Definitely keep tracking and will I research combined pill and coils too.

Oh I didn't realise I'd only posted half a post. So sorry (dodgy internet here!). It's not PMDD at the moment for me but a miscarriage, sadly. So I'll be back in the game PMDD-wise before long. @ilovetea14 that's amazing r.e. combined pill. So glad the symptoms are manageable now. I have good months and bad months I'd say, exercise helps a hell of a lot personally but that requires me actually getting off my butt and doing it! @Busylizzymumma you sound just like me. It's gotten worse though with each pregnancy but having some understanding of PMDD and of the hormonal changes during the cycle is the first step to dealing with all the crap that comes.

There are some really good forums on facebook if anyone uses it. Stories are shared along with research about PMDD. They're a really nice supportive community that all understand one another!

@Busylizzymumma I know what you mean when there's no symptoms you forget how bad it was and you convince yourself that if it happens again you will be able to manage it and sure it must've been that bad if I feel fine now. Keep tracking it and go to the doctor when you feel ready x

@ChristmasAdam I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss xx I find since going on the combined pill I have so much more energy and I find exercise really helps. It's so nice to be able to share with others who are going through the same experience and be able to help each other and to not feel so alone.