Argh being autistic at Christmas

[TinyTimTim]

Fucking hell I can't hack it.

Anyone else? I always end up overwhelmed and in tears.

Drink too much to cover up the unease.

Hate Christmas. Next year I just want a duvet day.

From October to January it's sensory overload re Christmas. I'm recently undiagnosed autistic and this is the first year I've not had my Christmas meltdown....
because I understand my condition more.....and my family do too!
My extended family don't so it's still a challenge.

Thanks - interesting post. DD 14 going through ASC screening and this awareness really helps! Happy Another Day in December to you all

I'm not autistic (afaik) but I also find Christmas day overwhelming.

I'm glad that we only have one visitor, but it still all gets too much for me. My DH gets a bit manic, then gets too loud and drunk. This year 18 year old DS got drunk too. We played a board game but it all felt chaotic and shouty. Also DH gets carried away and buys too many presents.

Boxing day is my preferred day, I can stay in my PJs or joggers, and the pace is much slower. Nobody makes me get up too early for endless present opening, and I don't have to worry about our visitor.

Both my DH and I are autistic and I can relate to this. Neither of us cope with big family gatherings. It makes it easier that we don’t have kids so we tend to be left out of most Christmas stuff. His parents understandably want to be with the grandkids. My family live far away. So we spend Christmas just the two of us and it is really lovely. We do little things to make it special without being overwhelming. I would suggest avoiding busy family gatherings in future and do your own thing. Big gatherings will leave me ill and unable to function for several days or even a week after and I just didn’t find it was worth it. I understand that your family would be upset if you didn’t go but you need to look after your own health. If this was any other disability you wouldn’t expect to suffer this way and your needs would be accommodated. Eg if you were unable to walk your family wouldn’t book a meal in a restaurant that could only be accessed by lots of stairs. Your disability means that you cannot cope with these functions so the kind thing is for them to work around your disability where possible. It may be that they don’t understand as you cannot clearly see the effects of autism in this way, but you should explain best you can how this damages you. Any loving family would then try and understand/ work with you. If they still expect you to put your disability beneath their own happiness then you have your answer as to how much they really care and respect you

Great idea re splitting the "day" over 2 days. Presents on one and Xmas meal on another. We've had a tough day with DD13 and DS7 both on the spectrum.

Also when the storm calms maybe discuss as a family what you would prefer for next year. Think about what triggers can be reduced/what can reduce stressors.

@crackofdoom what a completely logical and articulate post. This year is particularly awkward for arranging social meet ups anyway.

We have all reduced expectations of ourselves with two autism diagnoses in the last year, and another one coming it looks like. Lots of breaks to be alone in room, no expectations to eat dinner, watching familiar TV instead of Christmas things, no need to get dressed. There were still tears by tea time, but that’s the longest we’ve lasted. I was feeling anxious by ten in the morning - I don’t like things to be different - so I just copied veg and listened to the radio, which are familiar activities for me. In fact I sought my diagnosis on the basis of 1/ my daughter being autistic, and 2/ never coping well with family gatherings, holidays, Christmas, birthdays - basically crying and hiding away every year… I think our first autism-friendly Christmas has been a success!

It's not up to you to provide other people with the Xmas they want.

I'm not autistic but I am an introvert. Pre COVID, DP and I would always go away for Xmas. Somewhere new and interesting every time. If other people were disappointed, too bad.

Next year stay in just you and Dh, maybe you could arrange to see family a different day when there isn't as much going on.

Copied from a friends FB page, she has two young autistic children:

I'm not autistic but I'll try my best to portray how it may feel for a child with autism during Xmas.

Weeks leading upto Xmas -

Everything looks different? Why is there shiny, sparkly things hanging from walls, door, windows, oh no they're everywhere it looks different. Why is there a tree inside? Trees should be outside? Oh look things to pull off it. No I'm not "meant" to pull them off? Strange boxes underneath that I can't touch? But they look like they should be touched. They look like they feel nice to rip. Everyone seems different. People dress differently, they are noisier and seem to always be in a rush?
The music hurts, why is there always music on? And why am I being taken to see a scary man in red who I have never met, why am I being pushed to take a photo with this man? I don't know you. Why are people staring at me. I hate people's eyes looking at mine. Parties everywhere, so busy, so noisy, and there's the strange man in red again! Why is everything so different? It smells different, looks different, sounds different, why does everything need to be different? My head hurts, I wish everything was back to the way it always is.

Xmas Day -

Mum and dad are being weird. Oh no, what is that? There's the paper that was under the tree they're now on the floor, lots of them. I'm confused? The things I'm not to touch under the tree are now lying around the floor. What am I supposed to do with them? They just look like strange colors of paper. Why are they here it looks too different! I want to run away to a room that looks the same and hide. Mum and dad are staring at me with a phone in my face. I don't understand, I want to hide.

I feel so sad and confused. I can't stand these clothes. I can't stand them touching my skin. I don't want to look nice mum, I just want to be in my own clothes, in my own room it's safe there. People, people everywhere. I hate going to lots of people's houses it's too busy. People keep talking to me but I can't hear with all the noise. And there's more of the paper things they keep telling me to open them, they're staring at me with a phone in my face again. Im so confused. Strange smells in the kitchen. I feel sick. I just want a mcdonalds. Mcdonalds never changes and never smells or tastes different. I want to go home. Nothing is different in my room.

#autismawareness
#christmasholidays

We all had dinner in different rooms. Forgetting what we should be doing, and doing what we want to do is best.