Is this it?

[MomentToThink]

It’s my first Christmas as a parent and I can feel all these tiny signals of parenting stereotypes that lead to the (far more uncool) middle-ages crisis stereotypes.

My partner and never have decent conversation (he’s an introvert and lower energy than me generally), neither so my friends as when we see each other they’re distracted with children, as are we. I like my job and colleagues but they’re younger and living a different lifestyle.

Our Christmas Day consisted of drifting along until a chaotic meal, brief highlight of gifts & wine, and then an early end as we need to do baby bedtime.

Our lives are pretty uneventful and then today has been equally so. I find myself thinking geez, is this it for the next decade or so, when we’ll have more freedom but no energy to enjoy it?

I used to be an interesting person but now just feel lonely, bored, frustrated. (As much as I adore our baby!) I can honestly see how one might become an alcoholic at this stage.

I think it's adjusting to the monotony & lack of spontaneity that having dc brings or at least that's what I struggled with. However DH & I can have a good laugh together, it's just making time for it.

Next few years will be all about dc but more fun once they understand and get to like it.

Christmas Day itself may be a bit meh but this is the time to build traditions and start going out for train rides, grottos etc. You need to find your people and do stuff in the build up.
Then

God it’s so lonely and depressing, I feel like I’m going through the motions without any real freedom to make our own traditions. My family are abroad and inlaws are lovely but ultimately will always feel a bit reserved and dull.

I’m going to go out of my mind if this is my future for the next 20 years!

Yes it is.
Welcome to the party.
I hear there is light at the end of the tunnel in approximately 10-15 years. Can’t confirm that though. It hasn’t hit me yet.

My DS has just turned 3, and this Christmas has been magical watching him opening his presents and spending the day playing with him. Completely different to life before being a mum, but wouldn't change it for the world.
I remember the first Christmas when he was a baby and it felt like any other day, as he still needed the same things and routine as every other day! It gets better every year.

I don't think the child is the problem. It's the lack of conversation and fun with your partner.

My partner and never have decent conversation (he’s an introvert and lower energy than me generally)

Is this because he's an introvert - do you come up with conversation topics as well or is it left to him? - or because you both don't have much to talk about? There's a difference, as I know even introverts have 'wild' and interesting conversations. In other words, do you think there isn't much connection/in common between you two?

I also noticed you didn't say much else about him and you mention being lonely. Are you both happy with each other and in each other's conpany? I think this makes a difference in your enjoyment of life and not feeling lonely when you have someone.

I remember thinking that Christmas was a bit of an anticlimax the first year- cut short because of bed times, baby didn't understand etc etc. But agree with PPs it does get better as they get older.

I found having babies and pre schoolers really dull and monotonous, so I hear you. But it gets better a lot quicker than you are fearing.
For me the years been 5 & 10 were really gorgeous. Kids are funny, anarchic, creative and endlessly surprising ( this was all a surprise to me as I’d never been interested much in kids till I had them). Just sit back and watch them unfold .
Until then it’s a bit like being a Neanderthal because it’s all about eating, pooing , sleeping and dressing, I kept sane by carving out as much time for myself as I could , telling myself that a happy mum = a happy family.

I think you need to make the bits you can special. I've toddlers, and the day is very much about them - getting them to eat reasonably properly, managing sleep, etc, but we fitted in a fancy breakfast, a nice cocktail before dinner, things like that, to make it nice for you too. And the older the kids get, the easier things like routines become.

However, I get on well with my partner, and we have fun together, so that's maybe the issue. In which case - Christmas really isn't the issue.

It will be better in the future when there are (hopefully!) fewer Covid restrictions, as that will mean you'll be able to visit family abroad easier and do all the traditional Christmas outings.

And you don't have to spend Christmas with family if you'd rather not - you are allowed to go away or stay home as a family if you want to!

Plus it gets more interesting once babies are old enough to get excited and engage more with it all too.