Interesting set of responses!
@JohnSmithDrive - I do try to think 'How would I feel if my mum said this?' and it does help with a lot of it, but a lot of the time my mum would never say it in the first place. There are definitely some critiques where she has a point, but I draw a line at some of them.
I do actually try to look for the best in MIL and do like her in a number of ways too - we just had a lovely evening with her over in fact, but she can be hard work sometimes. I don't like feeling like I'm living in the cliche of 'difficult mother in law' sometimes, but generally I make the best of it because life is too short. But I do need a moan sometimes!
@Totalwasteofpaper - yes, mine does asks those 'But don't you have ....?' questions sometimes.
@ESGdance - DH is pretty good at having my back when she's being like this sometimes. She once came over before we had some people coming that evening and I had been cleaning for an hour or two and had just wiped down all the cupboard doors in our kitchen (which is quite big) and she was all 'Well, you'd better clean up if X is coming over' and that really upset me given I'd been at it for ages already. DH went to her and told her it was upsetting because I was already hard at it.
It's not that the domestic sphere is her only thing - she runs her own business too. But she is a lot more dirt-sensitive than me. She'll literally spot one speck and say 'Have you hoovered?' when I have done so, but just missed a speck or a corner! I'll admit, I'm not great at cleaning, I'm not someone who will clean everything to perfection, but it's enough and I don't think so bad it's worth commenting on.