Living with a negative person

[55mirabeau]

My OH has had depression in the past and is very prone to looking on the down side of things.

It’s exhausting.

Today it’s been the end of the world about 5 times, once over loose-leaf tea because it’ll be “such a faff”. I’m not stupid, our teapot has an infuser part that the tea will happily be contained in. It’ll be no more hassle than it is now. But he simply “couldn’t understand why” I would want to “make life so difficult”.

We have 2 kids, both work full time, various animals and a busy family life, the kids go to bed between 8 and 9 so it can be 10 sometimes before we sit down for the evening. He stays up till 1-2 am because he “needs the time to himself”, then moans that he’s tired, but he will have a nap most afternoons. Then he insists that he’s in bed for midnight, but I know he’s not cause I’m still awake.

Tomorrow his family are visiting but he is taking them out because I will be “stuck in the kitchen baking all day”. My only job tomorrow is to whack some royal icing on the christmas cake. It’ll take me 20 mins, 30 tops.

Everything feels like a dig and I’m just knackered with it all. I love him, deeply, but his negativity is just so wearing.

What can I do??

OMG same here OP. It really is draining. The simplest of decisions take so long, while he runs through all the potential disasters. No advice, but you have my sympathy.

OP Does he know he is like this? Does he admit to being negative?

I think he does. I have asked him to try and think through his negative thoughts to check if they are valid before he voices them.

It’s taking it’s toll on the kids too, who feel like they can’t do anything right because everything they do, or want to do, is spoken about so negatively.

I've got one like this and feel like having this tattooed on my head...

I want solutions, NOT problems.

It's beyond exhausting isn't it? Don't know about you but I feel that I also have to be doubly upbeat to compensate for him, so our child doesn't think his way of thinking is necessarily ok.

Same here. Sucks the joy out of everything.

Music on downstairs? He will come down and turn it right down or off as its doing his head in (hes not into music)

We were having melted chocolate with dips today with the kids and there was plenty of chocolate left so me and the kids had spoonfuls of it - he just remarked “gosh thats so much sugar to do that etc”

He finds it boring doing childrens activities and doesnt like doing to planned events with them. He will go for so long before he wants to get back as hes had enough etc

Solidarity, if nothing else!

Today, I thought the youngest must have done something awful while I was making the sandwiches as he came in from collecting his Argos order (not a christmas present, but something for himself and because the email said he could collect it, he had to, even though it could have easily waited for a day that wasn’t Christmas Eve!)

He walked in and went “oh my god what has happened”.

Nothing had happened. A toddler had played with her toys. She’s a tidy toddler! There were maybe 6 things to pick up - the way it sounded was like she’d been at the kinetic sand.

He did make an effort to engage positively for most of the day today, which was good.

I’d just like the occasional day off!

I feel like this it’s extremely exhausting. He’s a massive fun sponge. When we met he was so lively and gregarious and now he’s a grumpy old man. But I’m only staying with him as he’s neglectful of my kids and staying with ensures their safety

Another one here. Constantly swearing or muttering under his breath. He used to be fun, we used to laugh but lately it's just moan, moan, moan. I had to do an emergency brisk walk on my own yesterday to get away from the negativity. He walks around in a cloud of grump that affects the whole house when he's in.

You do have choices

My husband has had depressive episodes and has been like this at times so I sympathise OP.

My dh is mostly ok these days, hope yours cheers up a bit for Christmas l. I know exactly how exhausting it can be.