To Think My Own DM Should Want To Spend Time With Me Over Xmas?

[IAmMeThisIsI]

It was arranged for weeks that I would see my DM and her DP for Christmas on boxing day. My little nephew was going to be there and I was to visit with DH to see them all. Well, two days ago my DM told me that my nephew wasn't going there anymore on boxing day, and her and DP were going out instead. Fine I thought. I'll leave it. I was a bit miffed but I didn't want to cause a fuss or stop her and her partner from having a nice boxing day drink. Even though I wouldn't have minded having a little Christmas drink with them!

Anyway, fast forward to today. I tell her I need to drop their gifts off tomorrow. I haven't finished shopping for them yet. I've got an appointment tomorrow morning at 10:30am. Then I plan on grabbing some gifts. I asked if I could drop them down tomorrow afternoon. She says she wants to come to pick them up in morning. I explained I wouldn't have enough time for this. She's panicking now. I text back saying that she needs to talk to DP and find a time to slot me in over Christmas. I have given her tomorrow, Christmas day and even reminded her boxing day was our original plan! Well! There's a fuss! She's now pushed back her Christmas Eve plans to see me (just to drop off gifts very briefly) Christmas Eve.

I just want to know if IABU to want to actually see her and have time with her over Christmas without feeling like she's making excuses. I feel as if she's trying very hard to NOT see me. What mother hasn't got time ALL over Christmas to see one of her kids for a few hours? And she's going out on Christmas Eve (with my other sibling). I feel left out. I feel like she's not even trying to make time for me. I get that her and her partners Christmas should be good and happy for them. But I just watched to see her properly over Christmas and I feel hurt.

Mods can delete this I've accidentally posted it twice.

I’m sorry OP, she does sound thoughtless.

If you usually have a good relationship then I’d tell her you’re hurt. If this is standard behaviour you might be better off concentrating on your other relationships .

Thanks for replying. Yes. I've got fantastic parents in law and we're going there for Christmas dinner and we'll have a drink there. I do miss seeing her over Christmas but I think you're right. And no, it's not just over Christmas. She's forever making excuses that she's too busy to spend time with me. I don't have children. But she goes above and beyond for my siblings kids. I get it. Kids sometimes are more important but I feel really left out and like I'm forgotten. And it's embarrassing in front of my DH when his parents do so much for us. I'll concerne on them instead.

I wouldn't be happy about the change of plans for Boxing Day, although I'm unclear whether the plan was for you to visit your DM and stepfather, or whether you were mainly calling in because your nephew was there.

However Christmas Eve is a busy time, and if morning suits her better I would stick to that. It is not unusual that she is busy later, and it is not her fault you are still doing your shopping on Christmas Eve (no judgement, I will be too).

Yeah. I can't see her in the morning though because I've got to have an extremely important medical appointment that cannot be changed and I'm still shopping. The reason she's busy is because she's still shopping too. The reason I'm still shopping on Christmas Eve is because that's when my payday just happened to fall. I simply haven't got money until then. It couldn't be helped. I made sure I got my siblings and the kids stuff last time I had some money.

Well, I wasn't really JUST going because my nephew is there. I was going to visit on boxing day. Then she said he's not going and said they're going out. She didn't even ask whether I wanted to go anyway. It was just cancelled.

Sorry for confusion mods. Don't delete this one as I'm getting responses from people here.

I'm a DM and a D Mil. I love seeing my kids at Christmas, but I do recognise that we all have lives and appointments, etc. So I always try to plan a get- together away from the actual day. Can you do something similar ? If you stop thinking that you MUST see each other on one of those three days, suddenly everyone relaxes. You can have a great day together on another day, no hassles or stress.

@ShippingNews

I'm a DM and a D Mil. I love seeing my kids at Christmas, but I do recognise that we all have lives and appointments, etc. So I always try to plan a get- together away from the actual day. Can you do something similar ? If you stop thinking that you MUST see each other on one of those three days, suddenly everyone relaxes. You can have a great day together on another day, no hassles or stress.

Actually, that's a really good idea. I think I'll try that! I'm going to drop her gifts off as planned tomorrow and then mention that we visit on another day that's not CHAINED to one of the three Christmas days. I think she would be more relaxed about this too. Thanks!