9 month old - never slept through!

[OliR93]

I don't know where to begin

My LO is 9 months old. He suffered with constipation early on, from about a week old. We tried various formulas. He was an unhappy baby from this age onwards really. The doctors said it was colic and that "babies cry" but this wasn't a normal amount and he was hysterical. The HV said it was reflux. They initially said CMPA so we went down the allergy route and tried a hypoallergenic formula but it was awful. We finally settled on kendamil formula, he has a small amount of omaperazole for the reflux and we add carobel to his feeds.

He has never slept through the night. He has, in earlier times (age 3 or 4 months ish) done 5 hours then awake a while then another 5. But this was always sporadic and would last a couple of nights then back to stirring constantly. Its now been about 4 or 5 weeks of virtually no sleep at night. Even before this, we would be lucky if he had an hour in his cot before stirring. He wants his dummy, or just wakes in general and cries even with his dummy. He never just goes to sleep for a block of a few hours, ever.

We managed to get a fairly decent schedule on the go when he was 7 months old (he didn't sleep through the night, this is just to show nap times):

5.30 - wake
7 15am - nap
8.30am - wake
12pm - nap
2pm - wake
5.45pm - start bath and bed
6.15pm - down in cot

He initially settled in his cot for an hour then wed put his dummy in, rub his back etc. Then again an hour later then he'd wake every 20 mins until I'd cave and put him in our bed at 11 or 12 out of exhaustion. He will now not settle in his cot at all. He screams endlessly and we've tried various sleep training methods over the last 3 months. He will literally keep going all night. We give up after 4 hours of him crying non stop as working full time it isn't feasible. He now doesn't even settle in our bed. My other half has been up in the living room with him the last few nights midnight until 4am. It's relentless.

I've been convinced since he was a couple of weeks old that there has to be issues with his tummy/bowels. He wriggles and can spend a long time trying to get one trump out. We have been referred to a pediatrician but I've seen one before and they basically said he's fine and will grow out of it. We're at our wits end, we can't function like this. At 9 months we should have our evenings back, baby should be happier after a decent rest but he's often cranky and cries all day as he's over tired. We've bounced from illness to teething to a cold and I wonder if its just constantly something like this unsettling him?! Or if it sounds like there is something wrong with his tummy? Or we just have a bad sleeper and that's that?! We know a lot of people with babies the same age and no-one else is experiencing this extreme sleep deprivation at this stage. My life consists of work all day and trying to get him to sleep all night. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours and its breaking me.

Any advice or wisdom would be much appreciated! X

Oh OP this sounds tough. Do you feed him when he wakes at night? He could be hungry, mine always woke up 2 hourly or so for a feed until well after age one.

By the way cry it out is not ever going to work of he is hungry or in pain. (Disclaimer: I am firmly against sleep training but I hear you are desperate and trying your best).

If he has a history of reflux, raise the mattress of the cot one end. This is 100% safe and has been advised to me by a medic on 111.

What does he wear at night, what temp is his room?

What's his feeding like in the day?

It might help to reframe your expectations. Five hours is the official definition of sleeping through, so actually your baby does do that.

It's also helpful to know that humans aren't designed to sleep for long stretches. Biologically we are meant to sleep for a few hours, wake, then sleep a bit more later. So your baby is doing what is right biologically.

My eldest didn't sleep a full modern night till safe was 5 years old, my youngest was more like 7 years. That is really common saved might help you with some perspective.

Having said that it's really tough! We bedshared which I find kept them asleep longer and enabled me to deal with them with minimal disruption to my own sleep. Obviously if you do this then read all the safe sleep advice.

Otherwise remember that this too shall pass. It's always just a phase, things will change, they will get better, sometimes they will get worse, but they will end.

Find ways to cope with the tiredness, accept the wakeful moments, basically I found that changing my mindset worked better than anything else because it's easier to change yourself than your baby.

Sorry for the typos. Hope it still makes sense

An article about human sleep www.sciencealert.com/humans-used-to-sleep-in-two-shifts-maybe-we-should-again

Best wisdom I can give you is don't let
your child cry like that in the cot. I've done that myself and have big regrets you tried it, it didn't work. You have to accept that your child didn't come out of a baby book and they might not behave like the "perfect baby".

My advice is just let them sleep in your bed 🤷🏻‍♀️ do they sleep well? Do you sleep well? Then don't fix what isn't broken. To be very honest, my sex life wasn't compromised by that at all. And our sleep was better DH was perfectly fine with it. What is your partner's opinion?

My children slept in my bed until about 2 years old and then moved to their bedroom. Yes, sometimes they would try to come back to our bed but only accepted after 5:30/6am

What is the reason for the carobel? Was he vomiting? A side effect of carobel is constipation. My little boy had silent reflux (no sick) and ranitidine as was prescribed back then changed him completely to be a more settled baby. Is the omerprazole dosage correct? Look online.

Thanks all.

We have never let him cry it out by leaving him longer than 5 to 10 minutes - we always go in, reassure him, soothe him and leave him. The 4 hours I was referring too means 4 hours of this. I'm not capable of just leaving him to cry, even doing this breaks me.

Regarding the 5 hours - he hasn't done this since he was 4 months old. It's now no more than an hour at a time, which isn't normal for this stage. I appreciate we are designed to wake etc, my expectations for sleep are very low! I just can't function on 2 to 3 hours of broken sleep every night and it can't be good for my son either.
Me and my partner have accepted it'll be a long time before we get our evenings back and any kind of normality. We put him first 100%, its just this constant waking and crying regardless of being in his cot, holding him, being in the bed. It isn't right and I feel helpless and burnt out.

He won't sleep in our bed either. We have literally tried everything. If he did sleep in our bed I'd let him stay there as many years as needed! Anything for sleep. But he just doesn't regardless.

Thank you for the messages so far.

We have raised one end due to his reflux, we were also told to do so by his doctor and HV.

He has a sleepsuit and a sleeping bag and we monitor the temp with a a gro egg. We have the heating on in the day but off towards evening so it isn't too hot or cold in there. I'm convinced its tummy issues :(

I’m afraid I have no advice but I have a 14 month old and I’m in a very similar position.
He isn’t sleeping through, will only feed to sleep. Won’t take a bottle or dummy so it’s all on me and I can’t even hand him over to get some respite.
It’s difficult and I’m hoping he will eventually sleep and I can sleep too.
Some nights he will wake up for 3 hours in the middle of the night, the other night he wouldn’t sleep so I had to hand him to my partner from 2-4am just so I could get a couple of hours sleep.
My day also consists of waking up, working, getting him to sleep at some point (could be 7, could be 10 as he will resist sleep) and then by that point I am so knackered I just get into bed myself and wait for him to wake up and come in with me. My partner has been sleeping on the sofa for god knows how long because all 3 of us can’t fit in bed comfortably.
I hope your nights improve soon because I know how difficult and miserable it is not having time to yourself.

It sounds really tough. I remember months of my eldest waking every 45 minutes and it was awful. I just slept whenever I could, when she slept in the day, when my husband could look after her, just literally whenever in order to cope.
It will change. I know it doesn't feel like that now but it will. Hang in there.

Please don't let your child cry alone. They don't know you're coming back, they think they've been abandoned. I know it's so hard but please be with them. These early years are crucial for setting they're brains up for life, they need to feel loved and comforted.

You're doing your best, keep on keeping on.

He doesn't sleep in out bed. He doesn't sleep regardless of what we do. I'd be more than happy for him to sleep in our bed if that was the answer but unfortunately he just cries regardless.

We don't leave him to cry it out - I was only saying we've tried the Ferber method where you leave them for set intervals of a few minutes before going in to soothe them again. We tried that and it lasted hours and didn't help at all so now we just try to comfort him and soothe/rock him constantly but that isn't getting us anywhere either.

He is far from a text book baby and I accept that. Its just not normal at this stage for a 9 month old to have 2 hours of broken sleep a night and its breaking us all. It isn't healthy for him. Its heartbreaking, I feel helpless and exhausted.

I really sympathise. Between the ages of 6 months and 18 months my son woke roughly every 20 mins. Started doing 2 hour stretches at about 2 years old when he dropped the day nap. It has gradually improved since then but he is still yet to sleep through the night consistently and he is now 4. We have tried everything. 2 sleep consultants gave up on us. We have had him checked for several medical / digestive conditions, full allergy tests, osteopath. We threw everything at it and when he was about 3.5 I reached a point of acceptance. Some kids (and adults) don't sleep through and the 'average' is just that. There are outliers, and we have one! My other child sleeps fine. It hasn't affected his development in any way. DH and I tag teamed to get through it, every few nights I would go to bed at 8pm as that evening stretch was his best stretch. It is tough. But it does get easier as they get older.

It's now no more than an hour at a time, which isn't normal for this stage

It's totally normal I'm afraid.

It's tough but I do think your expectations are off. Most 9 month old babies don't sleep through. Many will be up ever hour or two. Many will sleep worse than they did at 4 months old. Sleep isn't linear and I'm sorry that society gave you the expectation that it is.

Most children sleep through eventually but often it's years not months. Sorry.

Can you seek a second opinion from a paediatrician if you are still concerned it’s a medical issue? Can you go private?

I have heard cranial osteopathy can be beneficial for sleeping in babies, but I have no experience of this but it could be something worth looking into?

Sleep deprivation is just the worst, you have my utmost sympathy.

Sorry mine did that as well at 9 months. Bed around 9pm, woke every 90mins to feed, up at 5/6am

Now a year on he usually sleeps 9pm-6am, occasionally waking once and resettled. He didn’t start sleeping 3-4hrs+ until over 12 months unfortunately.

Just feed, resettle, repeat until a few more weeks pass

Our DD is a terrible sleeper similar to that described above so we swap nights. One night on, one night off. The 'off-duty' sleeps in a quiet back room with all the doors closed and is not disturbed.
We are lucky though in that our LO will take bottle-fed expressed milk or formula from me so I don't have to wake the GF for the witching hour feed. If she leaks from the breast on her night off than unfortunately she has to wake up to pump but that doesn't always happen and she generally gets good sleep on her 'off duty' nights.
Obviously our bedroom life suffers and it's far from ideal but it's better than no sleep and we both know it's only temporary. You don't look forward to your night 'on' but the recovery every second night is adequate and we are able to function day-to-day. OP have you thought about something similar? It's not everyone's cup of tea I know, but it sounds like you're in need of some solutions...

It's grim, but it is normal. It's not average, but unfortunately someone has to have the baby who is on the low end of normal as well as the ones who sleep beautifully.

I think the only thing that really works at this stage (short of hiring a night nanny if you're super rich!) is tag teaming it and making sure one of you gets some decent sleep, each in turn.

I'd also be the squeaky wheel with the doctors as you clearly are worried something isn't right and just for peace of mind, it's worth carrying on pestering.

Could you try another little nap later in the afternoon (a 20/30 minute one) and then put him to bed later? Then you may get a chunk of sleep at the right time?
When he wakes have you tried just offering a cuddle or water?

I'm convinced its tummy issues sad

What are his nappies like, what were they like pre weaning when 100% milk, wondering if cmpa/dairy allergy?

Was he prem?

Have you tried dentinox in his milk?

Solidarity for the sleep deprivation, it is the absolute pits.

OP my eldest didn’t sleep well till just before he started school it does happen . However he would always sleep in my bed - I think you should trust your instinct and get him checked out .