I've been awake for what seems like hours. I've got a lot of thoughts that won't pipe down. I just need to put them somewhere for a bit, so I can get on with the day.
Just need the headspace back to sort out last few seasonal extras. I have to remember to get star anise for the red cabbage.
I have a lovely 14 year old daughter - she is genuinely great but she is sexting with her 14 year old boyfriend. She promises that it's all talk and no action but I'm ambiently suspicious and anyway the messages are worrying enough.
I have a generally smashing 49 year old husband. We've been together over 20 years. His mum has just died. He is understandably very sad but prefers to keep that to himself. I don't know what to say to help.
He is self employed and working a lot including evenings and weekends and I try and keep the household under control to help him but that leads to me feeling just a little bit like there's always a reason why I'm doing more of the home stuff.
He isn't thinking about intimacy at all right now. I feel fat, middle aged and unattractive as a result. I didn't exactly feel great about my appearance before now and the peri-menopause has added an extra stone round my tummy and the inability to drink wine without night sweats and worry-induced wake ups.
My parents are in their 70s and are in pretty good health but their next door neighbour is waging a campaign of harassment against them - I think he has just gone wrong mentally in the lock down. They have had to involve the police and solicitors but they don't want to move and I am furious that he is spoiling their last years of good health and worried he will stress them into illness.
I have a good job but am about to be given a part in a high stress project in the new year.
Oh and you know, Brexit and the climate crisis, growing inequality and the pandemic!
I have a huge number of things that I am grateful for. I have my own activities that I take part in that make me happy. I am comparatively very very lucky. I do have friends to talk to but they also all have their own pile of worries to contend with.
Generally I am a positive person. I just get on with it. But this morning at 6am I was awake and tearful and couldn't stop everything just going round and round and I've got shit to do today.
So if you don't mind, I'm going to put this here for a bit writing it down has helped the swirling. Then I'm going to go and have a shower and a cup of coffee. Thanks for the space.