Confidentiality breach?

[An0n82]

Hi! In light of recent high profile events; I found it necessary to confide in the headmaster concerns around domestic abuse where mum is the victim and concerns for the step child's wellbeing (the step child has expressed to me, my child and Mum that they are scared of their step dad and that he physically disciplines them, amongst other things). The headmaster thanked me and was deeply concerned by the info passed and said they'd have a chat with the child about the dynamics at home.

By the end of the school day I had received nasty texts and had the Mum on the phone going ballistic at me. According to her, which has since been confirmed by the headmaster, he d "unintentionally" told her it was me that had passed the info! I am now extremely anxious and stressed out about doing the school runs :(

Can I make an official complaint about this?

That is awful and yes you absolutely should complain

Did the headmaster confirm it in writing that he did this? I would ask him to

Save all the texts too

So sorry you are in this situation when you were trying to help

Yes you should. Head teacher should have made a referral and should not have done their own investigation. Disclosing that you had raised a concern is unbelievably unprofessional.

Hi! Yes he has. She guessed it was me and he confirmed it. He's deeply sorry 🙄 Who do I complain to? Do you think different drop off/collection arrangements could be made in light of the distress he's gone and caused? Ie. Collect from a different classroom or something

@Seainasive

Yes you should. Head teacher should have made a referral and should not have done their own investigation. Disclosing that you had raised a concern is unbelievably unprofessional.

Your first statement is incorrect. Part of the safeguarding process is delegated to the school. Except in extreme circumstances, social services would expect the school to investigate first.

Disclosing that you raised the concern, OP - not ok. If it were me, I would ask to meet the headteacher and understand how that happened. If unsatisfied, follow the school complaints procedure. You will find it one their website.

Thank you for your help 🙏

Apart from feeling validated; where does complaining get me in terms of feeling safe when I attend the school to take/collect my child from school? It cannot be taken back. I especially don't need this as I lost my husband/the father of my child last year to cancer and so it's been an extremely emotional and stressful 12 months.

Did he actually confirm it or is she just saying that as she thinks it was you who reported but wants to make sure so is trying to catch you out?

I would suggest that you meet the headteacher (or parent liaison or similar, or another member of senior staff) first and lay out your concerns and ask for support in feeling safe (physically and emotionally - even if this isn't a physical threat, it is still valid) on pick up and drop off. Ask if there is a way they could alter pick up and drop off arrangements because you don't feel safe. Show them the messages that make you feel unsafe.

If they do make changes and these help, then you may feel you don't need to follow the formal complaints procedure.

A formal complaint would be very unlikely to lead to any specific changes that will help you. The headteacher has fucked up big time, but no one can turn back the clock on that.

The other avenue you may feel you have to go down to feel safe is the police. Store your texts from her. Threatening texts can be a criminal offence, depending on the nature.

Well done for doing the right thing and raising your concerns for the children. I'm so sorry that it has caused problems for you.

Yes he's confirmed it. He just keeps on making it worse because after I'd messaged him asking 'what the hell?' he spoke to Mum AGAIN about the phone call where she went ballistic. Without my consent or consultation. That's when I received the nasty texts calling me all sorts and making counter allegations. He was then in "meetings" all day when I tried to get hold of him on the phone. Then buggered off for Christmas :(

Look up the school complaints policy. This should detail that most complaints about a Headteacher are made to the Chair of Governors. What action the chair will take might not be available to you after your complaint, but this does not mean you should not complain.

The headteacher should be putting in every effort to keep you and your child safe. This includes acting upon the information you gave and not putting you in harms way. Different collection and drop off points should be arranged short term to help you, but your child shouldn’t be pulled out of school early etc to accommodate this, it isn’t fair.

As a chair of governors I would want to know if a head had done this.

Importantly though, what happens next for you. You need someone to act as an intermediary to ensure that the child concerned is safe, the mum is also supported without her anger being directed at you.

You’ve take a great deal of courage to do the right thing here. If the messages are threatening I would speak to the police. Hopefully there will be behind the scenes work being down which will distract her from who (rightly) made the call.

Ex-HT here.
In addition to complaining about him, you need to contact your local safeguarding hub because he has such a poor understanding of safeguarding practice that I would be concerned that he hasn't reported this and has just spoken to the parent.
While speaking to the mum is important, reporting low-level concerns can build a picture from several professionals and increase the level of concern in risk-assessing a case.

1. Complain to the Chair of Governors. It's their responsibility to investigate allegations of misconduct by the HT).

1. If you feel genuinely threatened, contact the Police.