Purpose of Christmas for you if you're not Christian

[Mayhemmumma]

Struggle with Xmas. I'm not religious so I feel I go to excess and then wonder why?
My husband did not grow up celebrating Christmas at all, so for the past twenty years he's just gone along with it for me and now our children.
Our families are small and hard work, I will make duty visits that no one wants to do and no one will particularly enjoy.
I make a big effort on the day for the children but can't get into the whole Xmas eve box, elf on the shelf, I drag myself to any school events (covids a blessing for me recently) my heart just isn't in it..
I like December, seeing friends and going out that's lovely but I feel increasing pressure for Christmas to be WONDERFUL and it just isn't, at work it's the hardest time as I'm a social worker and there's so much sadness and stress with the families i see, I think it rubs off.

I can't wait for it to be over, I hope my children love their presents and enjoy the nice food but... yeah I'm massively into my overdraft every time and I'm not sure why I do it??

Another atheist here. But I like the associated bits of living in a Christian country such as the carols. I think the key for me is to not go overboard (no elves and Christmas Eve boxes here) but to enjoy small pleasures such as the smell of the Christmas tree, wrapping up for a walk, enjoying food we don't have any other time of year.

Agree with all the comments about the solstice, DD and I usually talk about the days getting longer, sometimes we dry out oranges and hang them up with some greenery

I also work in a field similar to social work and see some real difficulty leading up to Christmas and the stress it can bring. It does make me grateful for what I have though

Agree with PPs about this - there's long been a winter solstice celebration in Northern Europe, well before Christianity appropriated it. The tree/greenery in the house is obviously about bringing life into the house when everything else around looks a grey, dull and a bit dead. The lights, food and conviviality are all ways to hold the darkness at bay and remind us of the months of plenty to come.

Actually I just listened to a podcast called You're Dead To Me about Medieval Christmases, it was great. Turns out they were very raucous affairs, none of this pious nonsense. Maybe you could use it as inspiration?

It’s a break from work for me, with sparkly lights and tinsel thrown in, and I love it for that! Very low key here, I dont put myself out, or get stressed - it’s just me and my partner enjoying some rest and relaxation time together with great food, and some nice films. Fab!

Christmas was highjacked by the Christians - it was never a Christian thing until they found that the ancients were celebrating the midwinter solstice with a great festival. Christmas evolved over the years - Queen Victoria and Prince Albert introduced the Christmas tree to the UK , other traditions just happened over time.

I'm an atheist but I love Christmas - the lights, trees, family getting together, and the magic times with children. No need to make it hard work - just pick out the bits you like and ignore the rest.

Not a christian so don't celebrate or acknowledge christmas. Take advantage of the work shutdown to have long lie, do some odd jobs, potter around enjoying the peace and quiet, order takeaway, take the opportunity to get enormously pissed if the mood takes me.

Not religious though raised in a very religious family . Childhood was a bit dodgy too . Christmas to me is about having a nice time with my nuclear family . Involving other family members is what makes it stressful . My aim as with most of my child raising is to make my childrens experience of family life better than my own . It’s an excuse to do some fun things with them

I am definitely not Christian.

Winter is cold and dark. A good winter holiday with lights, food, and celebration helps makes it less awful. In our culture, that celebration comes with the trappings we call Christmas so that is the way I celebrate. If I lived elsewhere, I would celebrate with different traditions, but the idea would be the same.

@MajorCarolDanvers

I'm not a Christian but I love Christmas and Hogmanay.

Family, food, tinsel, lights, presents, booze, 3 weeks off work, panto, parties, fireworks, tradition, Santa, magic - the lot.

How do you manage 3 weeks off work?! I want your job 🤣

Family. I don't believe in any of the religious stuff, but it is a lovely time to spend with family, seeing children enjoy themselves, eating a bit too much.

The value and meaning of experience is there for everyone, it does not need religion to add meaning.

Presents and magic for kids.

I’m a lifelong, devout atheist.

I do the bits of Christmas that I like. Tree, but no other decorations.

Nice lunch on Christmas Day but not always traditional. One year my children chose trout!

I do like choosing presents for other people.

I don’t do Christmas Eve boxes or the elf as they are stupid.

@RobotValkyrie

*Christmas as a consumerist cult is shit. Don't feel bad for not buying into it.

However there's a beautiful side to Christmas which can be meaningful to you regardless of whether you're religious or not.

To me it's about the very human need to gather with your loved ones as the year is at its darkest, lighting some lights, and sharing love in the form of comforting food, good company, a few presents, some feel-good songs and stories... And sharing a bit of that temporary domestic bliss outwards too, e.g. by visiting isolated relatives, donating something extra to the food bank, etc.

You don't need to be Christian to appreciate some of the universal (humanistic?) values symbolised by Christmas*

This is a beautiful post, and it sums up my feelings entirely.
However, neither DH nor I have extended family as such - those we do have, we're estranged from. By 'estranged', I mean people we've never kept in touch with over the years, not any sort of a fallout.

I'm an atheist, but it's still nice for DH and I to create our own traditions. DS1 will arrive home from uni on Xmas eve, my other two dc's will be delighted to see him, as will I.
We'll exchange gifts on Xmas morning, and we'll have a lovely Xmas dinner - I love cooking, so I'll be in my happy place in the kitchen. It's relatively rare for the five of us to be together these days, so we'll have a lovely day of it. Just nice food, a bit of telly, a dog walk at some point in the day.
No pressure on anyone, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sorry, bold fail 🙄

Thank you everyone this is lovely, makes me feel much less fake and OTT to enjoy some of the aspects of the holiday.

Darkness/cold/solstice- I like the idea of being at home keeping warm by the fire and enjoying our home and time together, even watching a film - we don't normally do that as it's not 'special' but we all love a good film so I'll do that this year.

Most years I make a point of involving the children in something charitable - this year I donated but felt this was me just spending money again to ease my Xmas guilt, I will return to this as even if it's linked to money it does show the children we try to think of others.

Simple, easy and relaxing is now my goal (with very expensive presents thrown in!)

And next year I'm taking more time off work!!!

Family and traditions.
I am half German so christmas is really the only time when my heritage can really show, with all its traditions and customs.
I really enjoy passing these down to my children, so christmas for me is about passing down a part of me to my children

I love the general messages of being together and of hope and of something to look forward to. I think those are things that everyone can benefit from religious or not. I love all the decorations and the lights amongst the gloom of winter and the feeling of closure as the year ends. A chance to reflect on the food and the bad.

Try not to let yourself get sucked into the hype. My DD’s had a few Christmas jumper days but they wore the same one to them as they only have one each. I’d rather buy them experiences like ice skating and panto. Spend on what makes you happy but only what you can afford.

For me it's memories. Carols, trees, fairy lights etc all bring back memories and remind me of happy times. The only time of year where a tradition follows a prescribed routine, always the same. This reinforces the memory, so Christmas time becomes more special. Everyone is more respectful and gentle at Christmas. But yes, more santa and zero Mary Joseph et al

I’m an atheist and DP is vaguely pagan, so there’s no Christian sentiment in our house. But I love Christmas, decorating, wrapping gifts, baking, getting ready to celebrate with friends… anyway, glad to hear you are sounding a bit happier, OP. Just to the bits you like and that work for you and your family. 🎅 🌲 🎁

Ok, at the risk of making any cynics vomit, for me it's about growing up and living in a culture that celebrates it. I'm an atheist, to me it's a time when the world either stops or slows down. Its quiet. There's a feast with loved ones, giving thoughtful gifts.
I love the cheery lights during the shortest and darkest days of the year. During the month of December I make sure my social contacts are with my most treasured relationships, which has the effect of making me smile and laugh all month. I love it very much.

Yule.

People around the world have been celebrating winter and spring a long time before Christians nicked them and said Jesus was born in December and died in spring. They took existing important festivals and layered Jesus on top.

You don't have to be a christian to celebrate festivals that predate christianity.