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Original poster

I've been out 4 times in the last week with the same man

16 replies

Alarmset · 22/12/2021 15:14

Starting to worry that "something" is going on. Or that he or others might think it is.

I'm fairly recently widowed and whilst he's a perfectly nice man, I don't want to let him think there's anything but friendship. I have no plans to be "involved" with anyone for the foreseeable.

Mostly we've spent so much time together because we're both on our own and wanting to keep busy and most friends are keeping to themselves ahead of Christmas, but in normal times I don't even have a best female friend I'd spend this much time with!

He had a do tomorrow night that's been cancelled, we could go out for cocktails, it was kind of jokingly suggested (by him) earlier. Would you make it happen or have a quiet night in on your own?

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2021 15:42

Go. What's the worst that could happen?

Original poster
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 15:58

Well he could think I'm throwing myself at him Grin

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 22/12/2021 16:03

Go out op and enjoy!

rrhuth · 22/12/2021 16:04

I don't want to let him think there's anything but friendship

Does he know this? It might be a good idea to explain that you have no interest in a relationship, you don;t have to be blunt, but you could drop hints. What is his situation - has he said he is looking for a new partner?

WisestIsShe · 22/12/2021 16:05

If you are both clear about the expectations and boundaries then go and have a lovely time.

BurbageBrook · 22/12/2021 16:06

I think you need to tell him if you aren’t romantically interested!

Somebodylikeyew · 22/12/2021 16:07

I think it’s fine to go but i do think you ought to be clear if you haven’t already. I think he’ll be assuming you’re interested in more otherwise.

ChimChimeny · 22/12/2021 16:07

@WisestIsShe

If you are both clear about the expectations and boundaries then go and have a lovely time.
This! But definitely make sure he knows nothing romantic is on the cards.
Orreries · 22/12/2021 16:07

I think I'd have seen enough of this one person if I'd ready seen him four times in a week, so I wouldn't, and if I were anxious to keep busy, I'd see someone else or do something absorbing by myself.

But your tolerance for one person's company that often may be far higher than mine!

Original poster
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 16:10

@rrhuth

I don't want to let him think there's anything but friendship

Does he know this? It might be a good idea to explain that you have no interest in a relationship, you don;t have to be blunt, but you could drop hints. What is his situation - has he said he is looking for a new partner?

No, he split with a longish term GF about the same time DH died and he says he's staying single FTB.

He hasn't done or said anything "inappropriate", but he did drunkenly tell me a mutual friend had been telling him to ask me out and he thought it was too soon. He then backtracked to say too soon for me to be socialising much, which could be what they both meant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 16:11

@Orreries

I think I'd have seen enough of this one person if I'd ready seen him four times in a week, so I wouldn't, and if I were anxious to keep busy, I'd see someone else or do something absorbing by myself.

But your tolerance for one person's company that often may be far higher than mine!

Normally yes, absolutely, but no one wants to do anything this week!

He's very easy company.

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 22/12/2021 16:12

In my experience, men don’t make as much effort unless they are looking for more than friendship.
I guess if you are very clear with him, go with what feels comfortable.

Original poster
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 16:16

@TwilightSkies

In my experience, men don’t make as much effort unless they are looking for more than friendship. I guess if you are very clear with him, go with what feels comfortable.
I'm not sure a lot of effort has been made! Just we're both at a lose end. Most of the arrangements have been made via a group chat, "does anyone fancy..." but it ends up just being us because others are busy with family and/or protecting Christmas.

I'd be really sad to let things get messy and lose the friendship/company though.

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/12/2021 16:20

He's good company and you're both at a bit of a loose end. Go. It sounds as if you're both just looking for company, rather than romance right now.

Xmasgetaway · 22/12/2021 16:24

I’m sure he will think there is potentially a relationship in the offing, but if you enjoy his company and make your stance clear and don’t invest in this friendship at the expense of others, go for it.

I have only just fully realised, at the age of 40, that all men, of all ages, attached or otherwise, always think a friendship will develop into something more if you spend lots of time together………. It’s a quirk of men, I think.

Pinkchocolate · 22/12/2021 16:25

Go and enjoy it for what it is. As long as your clear with your intentions you have nothing to lose. Like you said, it’s company which you are well entitled to.

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