I am a shit cook

[toomuchturmericinwatermelon]

Please help me with this lump of beef I have bought for christmas. How can I make it not taste crap and be all chewy?
m&s roasting joint, 1.292 Kg, £17.90
there's 4 of us

Lump Of Beef! LOL! Sorry I can't help (am veggie) but your post made me giggle! Good luck!

Does it specifically say what cut of beef it is? How do you like it cooked?

Generally with meat low and slow is best.
As above the cut makes a difference.

I generally sear mine before it goes in the oven but it's tricky to do with a big joint.

Season well and add butter later to baste (not too early or it'll burn).

Loosely cover in foil for the first hour or so, depending on cooking times.

Bung some onions and root veg in with it at same time.

Just cook it til it's done

Pop a pic of it in - we can help from there

I disagree about low and slow for all meat, it would be fine for brisket but not a topside or silverside. Can you post a photo op?

I use this method for my beef. I don’t cook it to this temp but slightly higher as I prefer mine slightly more medium rare. Let it rest as long as you’ve cooked it is the winner.

Get a slow cooker.

Plug the sc in, switch on high, put beef in, put lid on leave for 4 hours.

Check if it is cooked, if it is put it on 'warm' until you are ready to eat, otherwise leave on high and check in an hour.

Right, by popular demand, here's a photo of the beast. Ideally I'd like it to taste tasty and not be chewy. Really, that's all I ask.
Slow cooker? Been there, twice, not happening.

I would season it well with loads of salt and pepper, place it in a deep roasting tray with some chopped carrots and onions, put foil over it tightly and in the oven on 180 degrees for about 3 hours. Take a slice off the end to check it's tender enough, if not give it a bit longer. When it's done remove it from the liquid it has been cooked it, strain the liquid into a pan to make the gravy with. You can cook it the day before, slice it when it's cold and reheat in gravy in the oven.

I missed out water with the carrots and onions! Fill it as close to the top as you can without spilling it or it spilling and burning you when you remove it from the oven.

I wouldn't slow cook it...such a waste imo. Just tastes like a stew

It's got instructions on the bottom!

It doesn’t actually say what cut it is which is quite unhelpful of them! A pot roast in a slow cooker with some veg and stock always makes for a tender result with a nice rich gravy. If you’re going to oven roast it then decide how well you like it cooked, the more well done the more likely it is to be tough. Personally I’d go for med-rare. You can rub a little oil into it and sear it all round in a pan first then pop in the oven for 70-75 mins at 200 degrees C. Make sure you rest it for at least 30 mins and slice it as thinly as you can, better to have more thin slices.

Check the instructions on the label but if it's a roasting joint I would season it with salt and pepper and rub with olive oil then in oven - usually do 20 mins at 200 deg c then turn down to 170 deg and then 20 mins per 500 grams (so about another hour) for medium. Let it rest out of the oven.

Two things will make all the difference to a joint like that:

Searing before you whack it in the oven. Hot pan, bit of oil, salt & pepper and sear on all sides to keep flavours in. Then pop in the oven.

Secondly, rest it for at least 30 min. Pop it on a carving board and wrap in foil so it doesn't cool. It will continue cooking for a bit this way too. I use this time to turn up the oven and do my Yorkshire puds.

Gordon Ramsay's Sunday lunch timings for beef have always worked a treat for me.

@toomuchturmericinwatermelon

Right, by popular demand, here's a photo of the beast. Ideally I'd like it to taste tasty and not be chewy. Really, that's all I ask. Slow cooker? Been there, twice, not happening.

Ocado provide these instructions for that joint on their website:

Instructions
Cooking Instructions - General. Needs Cooking. Remove all packaging, allow product to stand at room temperature for 30 mins before cooking.
Do not reheat.; Hob - From Chilled. To make a gravy from the stock place the cooking liquid into a pan on a high heat. Add cornflour, bring to boil and simmer for 3 mins.; Oven cook - From Chilled. Electric 240°C, Fan 220°C, Gas 9
Preheat oven and baking tray. Oil and season surface of meat. Place in oven for 20 mins. Remove joint from oven, add 4 tbsp of water and cover joint loosely with foil. Reduce temperature and continue to cook for remaining time.
Electric 180°C, Fan 160°C, Gas 5
Rare 14 mins per 500g
Medium 17 mins per 500g
Well done 25 mins per 500g
Baste joint occasionally during cooking. Remove from oven, cover with foil and rest for 15 mins before carving. For best results, carve thinly and drizzle over juices in roasting tray, or use juices to make a gravy.

Just reporting back, it turned out as dry and tasteless as I expected. The lump had shrivelled to half its size by the time I got it out of the oven, and because I let it rest, we ate it cold.

Love the update Realistif Christmases make me happy. Merry Christmas OP

What did you do to it op?!? It's pretty hard to cock up a piece of beef and if it was cold how long did you test it for?

The instructions should be under the outer label, where it says peel here.

Yeah, I did peel the label but the whole thing was wet and the instructions couldn't be seen. I take responsibility for 70% of the cock up, after all, as I said, I am a shit cook. However, I am not sure anyone could have got out much flavour of this overpriced lump. The pigs in blankets with stuffing were yummy though, and I didn't do too badly with the vegetables. The beef was surplus, next year I might not bother.

I feel like you are not supposed to cook roasts OP. They are not your forte. If people want roasts maybe they can take you to a nice restaurant for dinner in future.

I think you're right party, although my roast chicken is not too bad.