People not bringing presents

[Wickerwonder]

I know that I am going to sound like a grabby bitch but is it a thing now not to bring birthday presents when invited to a party? I have hosted 2 parties recently (not for myself but for family). Both of them were paid for by me and food, drink, activities provided. They weren’t really fancy events but I had saved up for them as I want people to feel looked after and enjoy the event without having to spend their own money. I am an average earner (so not poor but not really wealthy either). Things like family birthday parties are important to me so I will save up to be able to host fun events for significant birthdays. I don’t expect others to do the same as it’s not for everyone or affordable for everyone.

That being said I do think it’s rude when guests come to the party without a present for the birthday person. It’s not about expensive gifts, all it needs to be is a box of chocolates! I just can’t help thinking it’s rude to come to a party. Enjoy all the free food and drink and not make the effort to show you appreciate the occasion. Surely this is bad manners?

Definitely bad manners. I'd not dream of attending a Birthday party without taking a gift.
Are you sure the person who's Birthday it was didn't receive a cards or gifts prior to the actual party? Or maybe the attendees waited until after the party before giving the gift?

No gifts weren’t received before or after. I just find it so strange. I think people are forgetting basic protocols! I know in reality these things really don’t matter but it makes me a bit sad that people don’t care about manners. I know that’s probably judgey and old fashioned. I would never dream of attending a significant event without bringing a gift.

To be clear it wasn’t everyone, just a few guests at each event. I just found it odd!

It's really really bad manners.

Glad it’s not just me!

Just a potted plant or a bottle of wine in a fancy bag ( that is not for drinking at the actual party) it’s not hard!

I don't think is old fashioned. I'm only 32 and that would be standard for me too.

But I've also paid for my own birthday party once, and got alot of empty handed guests . So rude.

Expecting gifts is childish and bad manners.

Give because you want to, not to receive.

@50ShadesOfCatholic I know it does seem childish (they weren’t for me)! But don’t you think it’s one of those unwritten rules of party etiquette? Would you go to a birthday party and happily eat and drink for free without giving a gift? Yes it’s silly but aren’t these just the things we do?

It does seem rude to me but if it was my party I’m not sure I’d want an onslaught of wine and flowers. I wonder if there are a number of last minute cancellations because of no present - I’d rather my guests came empty handed than felt obliged to bring a random gift.

It’s bad manners.

Really very ill-mannered.

Yes, ill-mannered.

It is bad manners and rude

@NigellaBangBangTurkey yes I think it rankles more when you pay for everyone. It’s not about equal exchange it’s about the guest acknowledging the occasion.

People will judge me for this but I also think it’s a bit shit when people don’t pay as the host. I don’t mean meeting for a casual drink or meal but when people make big birthday plans and expect you to pay a fortune to join them. For example a friend wanted to do karaoke for her birthday but expected everyone to chip in to pay for the room hire. She is a professional in her 40s earning decent money. I think it’s embarrassing when you get to a certain age and expect people to do this.

I can't think of a situation where I wouldn't give at least a wrapped bottle of red or a box of Lindor to a host / birthday person. I wouldn't give anything big or thoughtful unless I was very close with them, but a token gift would be given as a gesture at least. Along with a contribution to the drinks or food table.
So YANBU.

I'm not sure ... I hosted a big party at home for my 40th, I did all the catering (I enjoy it) and we provided generous quantities of alcohol. I was honestly rather overwhelmed when every guest turned up with a gift, I genuinely wasn't expecting anything and 20+ gifts was a lot to deal with. I had another party for my 50th and clearly put 'please no gifts' on the invitation! I think a bottle/flowers/chocolates is acceptable ... but nothing more.

Yes I know what you mean @Ragwort with big events it can be a lot. The 2 events I hosted were less people. Mainly because I can’t afford to pay for big events!!!!

If I knew the host was paying I would definitely bring a gift.

But usually my friends expect me to pay for my dinner and we usually split the bill for the person celebrating their birthday. Most people don’t also bring a gift.

Are you sure they were aware you were planning to pay for them?

@PiffleWiffleWoozle yes I told them so everyone knew. To be clear I know it’s not really a big deal. I just surprised at people’s lack of manners. I had similar with a kids birthday party. People seemed to be really excited about the free meal part without acknowledging the reason for it! Some people just don’t have any sense of occasion

I wouldn't dream of showing up empty handed! It is such bad manners.

It probably is bad manners but doesn't surprise me

I would take a gift