is it enough for LC or NC and how?

[Serena1977]

After an awful visit from my DM yesterday, I can't take any more of her nastiness.

1. She makes it known that I am wrong to start teacher training because I am neglecting the kids because they now go to a childminder before and after school. DD10 and DS8.
2. I probably won't get a teaching job at the end of it anyway.
3. You won't be able to cope mentally with the strain of being a teacher (passed first term, no problem)
4. She laughs at my dh and makes nasty faces behind my husband's back, eg yesterday he miss heard what she said so he said pardon and she did it then.
5. She makes no bones of the fact that she thinks he isn't a proper man because his DIY skills aren't great.
6. She thinks I'm not a proper wife because my DH does the cooking.
7. She asked what we did the previous evening, I said I read in bed and my dh listened to a book on audible next to me. She was laughing at us saying we're a pair of OAPs.
8. She is jealous and nasty about my ILs if the dc spend time with them.
9. She has previously asked me how often we have sex.

10. She keeps saying in front of dd10 that she is going to be a handful when she's a teenager and she can't wait to watch me parent a teenage girl. As if I'm going to make a mess of it. 11. I need to lose weight then she brings me chocolate which I can't resist because all my life I've been a comfort eater. (I wonder why)

She is coming on boxing day and staying over.

For context, My DF died a long time ago to cancer so she has been alone since then, I have a DB but he doesn't contact her from one week to the next.

She leans on my for emotional support, I haven't seen anyone, I've watched that much TV, I've got a round arse!! I still ring her everyone as a duty since DF died in 2007. (before I met DH)

I've had therapy previously and it helped enormously. I feel guilty that after a health scarce she had a few years ago, it turned out to be benign. I feel so guilty but I thought I was going to be released from her.

I am dreading Christmas even though it should be a wonderful time with DH and DC and I've passed my first term!

I need to find the courage to deal with her.

Op she sound's so utterly miserable! Have you ever challenged her?

@Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas

Too scared to challenge:(

Ok

Gradually withdraw then.. You wouldn't put up with this from anyone else.
You wouldn't talk to anyone like that...

@Serena1977

After an awful visit from my DM yesterday, I can't take any more of her nastiness.

1. She makes it known that I am wrong to start teacher training because I am neglecting the kids because they now go to a childminder before and after school. DD10 and DS8.
2. I probably won't get a teaching job at the end of it anyway.
3. You won't be able to cope mentally with the strain of being a teacher (passed first term, no problem)
4. She laughs at my dh and makes nasty faces behind my husband's back, eg yesterday he miss heard what she said so he said pardon and she did it then.
5. She makes no bones of the fact that she thinks he isn't a proper man because his DIY skills aren't great.
6. She thinks I'm not a proper wife because my DH does the cooking.
7. She asked what we did the previous evening, I said I read in bed and my dh listened to a book on audible next to me. She was laughing at us saying we're a pair of OAPs.
8. She is jealous and nasty about my ILs if the dc spend time with them.
9. She has previously asked me how often we have sex.

10. She keeps saying in front of dd10 that she is going to be a handful when she's a teenager and she can't wait to watch me parent a teenage girl. As if I'm going to make a mess of it. 11. I need to lose weight then she brings me chocolate which I can't resist because all my life I've been a comfort eater. (I wonder why)

She is coming on boxing day and staying over.

For context, My DF died a long time ago to cancer so she has been alone since then, I have a DB but he doesn't contact her from one week to the next.

She leans on my for emotional support, I haven't seen anyone, I've watched that much TV, I've got a round arse!! I still ring her everyone as a duty since DF died in 2007. (before I met DH)

I've had therapy previously and it helped enormously. I feel guilty that after a health scarce she had a few years ago, it turned out to be benign. I feel so guilty but I thought I was going to be released from her.

I am dreading Christmas even though it should be a wonderful time with DH and DC and I've passed my first term!

I need to find the courage to deal with her.

First of all well done for going after a career you want, do your teacher training and get that job & prove her wrong, yes your children are having to have a little extra childcare but when they have a happy mum doing a job she loves working hard to help provide for them they will thank you in the future

Not all women do the cooking and not all men can do DIY, its none of her business who can do what, and what you do when you go to bed, or how you parent a teenager. If it works for you and your family keep doing what you are doing and ignore anything she says

I would speak to your mum (text/write to her if your not comfortable in person) and just explain that you don't need any negativity in your life, you deserve to have a happy life enjoying your family.
You are not responsible for her (remember she chose to have you not the other way around) so explain that you would love to have her in your life but if she cant respect you and your family going forward that you will be having less contact with her. It may seem harsh but you need to think about your mental health and your happiness around your children

Tell her how you feel and give her a chance to change or apologise. If she causes you upset again then definitely reduce contact to a bare minimum. Put yourself first.

hopeful bump

If it was me, I'd call her out and tell her what she's doing, how much it's upsetting me.
Her response;
If she doesn't like it and kicks off so to speak, I'd start to withdraw.
If she doesn't realise, I'd give her one more chance.

Why are you scared? The repercussions for you are nil if you go no contact.
Imagine you are dealing with a child, Mum, this is not a conversation I am having with you now. And when she continues give her her coat and bag and show her the door.
I was mid forties when I did it, it’s hard but it’s so worth it.