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Original poster

Mother-in-law never says Please

25 replies

BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 12:50

Just that really. She always says thank you.
I’ve been married to DH for 16 years and I don’t think she’s always been like this.....
Recently, it’s really started to annoy me but I’m not sure how to approach it.

Perfect example is if I ask her if she’d like a cup of tea, she would say Ok or yes, that’s fine. It’s very bad manners especially in a 73 year old!

Any ideas ??

OP posts:
Winterfellismyhome · 21/12/2021 12:51

Ask her what the magic word is

IsDaveThere · 21/12/2021 12:54

Why do you need to approach it? Accept that she is never going to say please and ignore it. At least she does say thank you so all manners are not gone!

Notonthestairs · 21/12/2021 12:56

So she always acknowledges the tea or whatever with a thank you? I couldn't get worked up about "please".

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BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 21/12/2021 12:56

She's in her 70s, do you think it seems worthwhile to cause a family feud over a habit she's most unlikely to change?!

AnnaMagnani · 21/12/2021 13:00

If she always says thank-you, ignore it.

Whole languages exist with no word for please. She acknowledges your effort politely with the thank-you.

IncompleteSenten · 21/12/2021 13:00

Would please be the correct word anyway when replying to an offer of something?

Would you like a cup of tea?
Yes, thank you.

Or
Would you like a cup of tea
That would be good/fine/nice
When it is presented, "thank you"

She isn't asking you for a cup of tea which would be may I have a cup of tea please (may I please have a cup of tea?? I'm not very good with word order ). She is accepting your offer of one, which requires a thank you. Which you get.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/12/2021 13:02

I don't think I do either Confused

I think I'd say 'oh that would be lovely, thanks'

Isn't that still conveying gratitude

TheFestiveFeminist · 21/12/2021 13:04

Centuries ago when I learned French I was taught that the cultural difference is "yes please" and "no thank you" so Me: would you like a cuppa?
Her: thank you

Is actually her turning down a cup of tea in the format:

Me: would you like a cuppa?
Her: no thank you

So I'm with you, it bothers me that the please is missing.

nicesausages · 21/12/2021 13:05

It's really not worth getting worked up about. It's a minor irritant
There are bigger problems out there

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 13:05

Ask her what the magic word is 🤣

BlameItOnTheBlackStar no, I definitely don’t want a family feud!

OP posts:
Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 21/12/2021 13:06

If this is the straw that beaks the camel back fine but if she's normally OK just ignore.

NdujaWannaDance · 21/12/2021 13:08

Is she from a different culture? Not everyone says please or thank you as a the norm in all social situations.

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 13:09

Apart from the usual mother-in-law niggles she is generally ok.

OP posts:
Dorismargaret · 21/12/2021 13:09

Get over it

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 21/12/2021 13:17

I think you need to just let it slide, it's not directed at you after all. People don't have to be perfect for you to love them.

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 13:20

Thanks all.
This has helped me put it into perspective.
I now feel more settled and there are definitely bigger problems out there.

Flowers Flowers

OP posts:
Rubycake · 21/12/2021 14:29

My mum does this! If I ask her if she would like a drink, her reply would be "yes, I'll have a cup of tea", or if I ask her if she wants to come over for lunch "yes, that's fine, I'll come". Drives me mad sometimes too!

She was brought up in a different culture though, so maybe that has something to do with it

ImperfectTents · 21/12/2021 14:32

Buy her a copy of the elephant and the bad baby

WhatsUpDrWhoChristmasSpecial · 21/12/2021 14:34

Interesting. I've realised I'm a bit odd with please and thank you. In your tea example I would say "yes please" but if I'm asking someone for something or to do something then I won't say please. Eg "please may I have that tea?". In my head the please is implying that they must give it to me/do what I asked, so it turns a question into a command. Whereas if I don't use please I'm asking a genuine question and am fine with a no.

Eddielzzard · 21/12/2021 14:43

My SIL does this and it really winds me up. The way she says it is so rude, so I think I react to her tone just as much. I don't get the thank you either tho.

I let it go, but it REALLY GRATES.

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 15:59

EddieIzzard no thank you either?!?!
I think I'd risk a family feud for that 😂

OP posts:
Purplefrizz · 21/12/2021 16:04

@WhatsUpDrWhoChristmasSpecial

Interesting. I've realised I'm a bit odd with please and thank you. In your tea example I would say "yes please" but if I'm asking someone for something or to do something then I won't say please. Eg "please may I have that tea?". In my head the please is implying that they must give it to me/do what I asked, so it turns a question into a command. Whereas if I don't use please I'm asking a genuine question and am fine with a no.
I’m the same!
Eddielzzard · 21/12/2021 16:36

BaconAndAvocado Right?!?!

We can think of each other over Christmas. I'm hosting her for a few days. This will be fun Confused

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 21/12/2021 19:30

EddieIzzard I have a 3 day limit.......

OP posts:
Eddielzzard · 21/12/2021 20:01

Hmm I shall be biting my tongue off

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