Dreading seeing family at Xmas - anyone else?

[GreenEyes83]

If you aren't keen on spending Xmas with your family or in laws, how did you get out of it? Neither DH or I are close to our families. Both of our upbringings were strange / dysfunctional, but we both feel a huge sense of obligation around Xmas. We have had a huge win and managed to get out of Xmas day itself at last, since having our baby. We have said we want Xmas Day as a nuclear family so DD can spend the day in her own home.

But we have somehow obligated ourselves to Boxing Day till 28th with the families, involving travel. We are not looking forward to it and it's almost spoiling Xmas day for us.

I appreciate many people adore their families and love spending time together at Xmas. But if that's not you, if you find your families hard work, how do you get out of seeing them Xmas week?

I quite like my family and my husband's family.

Yet we have never ever travelled to visit anyone over Christmas, ever.

I don't understand why people do it if they would really rather not. Just tell them you'll visit some other time.

You don't make plans with them, say no if invited and say you are planning a quiet one at home just with you both.

You just don't go. Don't make plans. When asked explain you'd like to do it just the two of you, travelling and visiting is a lot and you want a less stressful year.

We had a Christmas so disastrous with my parents in 2015(?) that we haven't been back since. We live far away, so we just come up
with a travel related excuse.

DH's family are a hot mess (many divorces and warring factions) so we generally just avoid the Jewish holidays with them by saying we already have plans. OR we do a lower pressure visit right before/after the holiday.

Covid excuse? V handy for something at least!

Just don’t do it. We have one side of the family who like to (try to) make demands regarding how long we will see them for (hours not days) and tried to insist we went to them for Christmas dinner, but I quietly but very firmly said no all those years ago and we have stuck to it ever since. This enables us to enjoy our Christmas, we still pop to see family but we don’t allow them to take over and dominate the holiday. The family are very stressed individuals who end up arguing and creating tension, so I make sure that I don’t become part of that experience.
You have to stand firm but it is worth it.
I hope you get the Christmas you want OP.

I'd definitely pull the Covid excuse this year. Just be careful about ant social media posts.

I am with you op. Absolutely dreading another Christmas with my racist..homophobic and opinionated sil. I find gin is a great solace

I'd use covid as an excuse as well. It's an easy out.

Yes just develop a cough on Boxing Day morning and book a PCR…

(Obviously don’t really book a PCR, I meant just to say that you were!)

Can you visit now and get it over with?

Oh dear (cough)
We appear to have covid
Sorry!

No extended stays - ie, nothing overnight. Turn up at 11am, leave 7pm. When the PIL were being a pain we would get there later for boxing day and there came a point my mum couldn't deal with us there (dementia) so we would be there for 2 hours even though it was an hour and a half each way.

Oh no, you've had a positive lft. What a shame, definitely catch up with you all in Feb when things calm down. I mean, come on, if there has ever been a year when it's easy to get out of unwanted family visits this is it!!

Goodness I feel this. I find it exhausting and takes the love out of Christmas for me. Would love one to ourselves but feel obligated to be with family. Mil is retired and I think forgets sometimes how tiring the working world is. We have to spend the days running up to Xmas planning and tidying for her arrival. During her stay we have to wake up early and look after her and put up with her views and opinions. Sigh.

There is another thread running about just not giving a fuck about what other people think and choosing who you want in your life - and who you don't. It gets easier with age I have found though some people can manage it more naturally.

All this talk of obligation or fear of upsetting people. People you often don't even like, don't want to see, don't want to be friends with less alone related to, or are scared of for whatever reason and can't stand up to them.

So what if you do what YOU want? What's the worst that can happen i you just so no? Stick up for yourselves "That doesn't work for me" or more overtly "I don't want to" is a reason.

Seriously - what are afraid of? The worst fallout is they throw a few tantrums - quite survivable. Or even better cut off seeing you. Result achieved.

I don’t spend any time, at all, ever with family members that I don’t like. Dysfunctional is an understatement. Not worth the stress.

You have the perfect excuse. You have a new baby and you're exhausted and don't want to travel over those few days.

Yes, me, x eleventy million. I feel really anxious tonight about having people stay in my house at Xmas who are difficult. DD has chicken pox and with the covid risk and possible restrictions hovering over us, I really thought I was going to be saved by that but tonight I have realised it’s not going to happen. It’s too late to say no for this year but I have definitely realised that I never want to do this again. From now on I always want Xmas day at least home alone, and visits to one side of the family to happen at in between times. I am just going to calmly state that position and maintain it, as per pps who make that sound straightforward!!

I did a weekend in November and have acquired 2 puppies recently, so I’m confined to home, can’t leave them!

Just don't go.

Neither DH or I are close with our families. We never make plans with them over Christmas because we don't want to go.

Christmas for us is always as a nuclear family cell, and I love it this way!

I hate how Christmas somehow obliges families, who don't necessarily enjoy each other's company, to spend time together.

Let's just say I'd be perfectly happy to get covid in time for Christmas if it means I don't have to see family mil on the day

We live too far away for a day trip, I hardly ever get time off work in December or between Christmas and NYE so we just never do it.

There are 11 other months in the year to visit family if needed.