Having a huge wobble about a Christmas alone

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

I will be honest that this isn’t a new wobble but it’s exceptionally big today.

I LOVE Christmas, love it. Love all of it. Gift giving, being around people, the excitement.

Had never spent Christmas not with my family (parents, sibling) until last year then
Last year moved from U.K. to another country 2h away. Spent last Christmas with a friend who lives here and I missed them but it was v nice.

This year said friend is away and I’m dog sitting for her.
Friends all have plans w their family’s So it’s just me and the pup.

Another friend of hers has offered to have the dog for a couple of days if I want to fly back to the U.K. but I can’t afford it and went home for the first time since leaving in October and really struggled with my sometimes difficult relationship with my parents, friendships that have changed or not lasted and just a big feeling that it isn’t home anymore so I don’t want to go. Also doesn’t help how unbelievably lonely I am right now.

I was planning on buying myself some lovely food (do a roast for one with my favourite dessert and meats and cheeses on Boxing Day) and a nice bottle of wine and rent some movies I want to see and take dog for a walk but I am utterly utterly flat broke so I cannot afford anything like that this month. And I just can’t scrape any amount of joy or anything to look forward to and I am just so sad about it

Please know how much I know other people are struggling and how awful this year has been for so many but I don’t k ow how to get out of this rut. I came off anti depressants earlier this year and was really happy off them but I’m scared I’m going back that way.

That sounds really hard. It's only one day, but there is a lot of hype around it and it can feel very lonely and disappointing if it's not spent with people you want to be with.

Hopefully once Christmas is over and we're in the new year, you'll feel a bit better. Could you maybe plan a small, inexpensive get-together with friends for after Christmas? It'll give you something to look forward and chance to celebrate together.

I think the only thing you can do is face that it's a bit shit but nevertheless plan some things you can do that will cheer you up and give you a sense of achievement.

Make sure you get out in the daylight everyday, that helps.
Can you get to a charity shop and get a book or two. Cook something nice - check out budget recipes.
Give yourself an art task such as collecting and arranging dried plants from hedgerows.
Start making a patchwork quilt from any old clothes you don't want.

But also try to find out if there's any Christmas lunches going on run by churches or other groups.

It's tough if you feel miserable but try to relax and enjoy doing just what you want and see it as a chance to rest, recuperate and plan for the spring.

Would your parents/siblings normally buy you a gift? Probably too late now but could you ask them to contribute to having the day you originally intended instead of gifts?

Otherwise a church lunch might work if there's anything local. I hope you manage to have a nice day

Thank you for being so kind.

I would normally get gifts from family but I have debt to pay off so anything I would get goes to that unfortunately.
When I knew I was spending it alone I decided to embrace it and spend some money on some meat and some lovely picky bits and my fave dessert and pay to rent some movies I wanted to see but I’m on my knees broke now after some major unexpected costs and losing 2 jobs so that not going to happen. I know that’s not the be all and end all and I have a roof over my head but it just feels crap.

I have had a look to see if there’s anything on on the day but everything is v limited due to covid so there’s no spaces left but not sure how much I want to socialise with strangers tbh

I really appreciate your responses and am going to properly read through and try and change my mindset thank you again x

I'm not sure if this is up your street, but if you fancy a chat with other people in a similar position on Christmas Day, the thing Sarah Millican does on Twitter looks fab! twitter.com/SarahMillican75/status/1472183169847902208

I was going to suggest the Sarah Millican thing too. I've joined in with it in the past.

I dog sat over Christmas in a foreign country once. It was fine. I watched tv, ate what I wanted, Took the dog a long walk. Had lots of dog cuddles. It was quite a nice day. Christmas is weird for making you think you ought to be doing the big sociable bubbly thing. It’s a farce really. Makes people feel a bit sad when they shouldn’t.

I've done it a few times.

Lots of chocolates, pot of tea, good telly.

I also really enjoy the #joinin thing on Twitter.

Can you afford a tiny Christmas day budget? Just something over and above normal spending even if only a few extra pounds//whatever currency you are in. If so spend it on a few nice cheerful things you'll enjoy.

Some cheapo tea lights/candles or fairy lights? A pretty pot plant? A little mini bottle of prosecco and a squeezed fresh orange for a mimosa?

Even if inexpensive treat yourself to something you love eating and will enjoy. Or make it from store cupboard. For example I love pancakes but rarely eat them as don't eat lots of wheat (and gluten free are yuk). They are cheap as chips to make, with some golden syrup or ( cheap frozen) berries on top. Or budget vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce made from a small bar of dark chocolate?

Little things do make a difference and keep the glums at bay. Do nice free things you enjoy (bubble bath/snuggly blanket on sofa reading a book, whatever works for you ). Plus of course - walking with a happy dog who has no idea it's Christmas Day.

It's one day and all the hype is almost designed to make those spending it by themselves feel a bit lonely but embrace it, you'll make it though. And it sounds like you have had a tough time lately, maybe time to talk to people about that and even try the Anti-D's again.

Could you parents donate a bit so you can get some Christmas bits? Worth asking?

If not as PP suggests, search for cheap treats like pancakes and scones that you could make

Thank you, again appreciate it.

No extra budget unfortunately, not that could make any difference 😂

Pancakes is a nice idea. Think there’s some bacon in the freezer and Mable syrup so that would be nice.

Christmas Day dinner is probably just store cupboard pasta not but I do enjoy pancakes!

And the dog would certainly enjoy a big long walk!

Thank you

Can you volunteer to help feed homeless? (You would probably also get a nice meal) Or something similarly worthy, where you are helping others?

Popped to the supermarket today and they had massively reduced chickens so I’ve bought one and some potatoes and think I’ve got enough flour to make a couple of Yorkshire puddings so it’s a bit of an improvement!

Dog is excited for her festive walk and it’s supposed to snow on Friday so will be a nice wrap up warm walk.

Still struggling but working on my positivity!

Thank you again x

I bet you actually have a nice day. Pick something on tv that only you would like to watch and enjoy it. Have a lovely snowy walk and a nice meal when you get back.

What else is in your freezer/ store cupboard?
There are some amazing inventive cooks on MN.... maybe they could surprise you!

Op, it's possible to have a lovely day without spending a fortune.
This year there are only two of us because I'm isolating. So our 'feast' is a chicken, pigs in blankets, veggies, stuffing, bread sauce.
I'm not allowed alcohol, so warm ginger cordial. Cost about £10

Plus tv, a walk in the woods, a long soak in the bath, a home manicure, pedicure, lots of moisturising and general laziness.

Christmas is over hyped and is a crashing disappointment to lots of people. When I've been unwillingly alone in the past, I've played down the Christmas bit in my head and treated it like a lonely Sunday (but with better TV). Break the day into roughly 2-hr chunks and plan each bit - scrambled eggs for breakfast, shower and hair wash, read a good library book, watch a film, toasties for lunch, arrange a zoom call with family (but that could be a bit sad afterwards), long walk before it gets dark, soak in the bath (you'll be uber clean!) and then make some pasta (fry onion and garlic and then simmer with tin chopped toms and dash of sugar). Binge watch a box set on catch up and suddenly it'll be bedtime and the cheapest day ever. Forget it's Christmas Day - celebrate properly when your finances are healthier 💐

Christmas day can pretty good alone with a dog. You see a lot of people out walking their dogs too, so it doesn't feel as isolating as it would without a dog IYSWIM. And usually people are cheerful and say hi and stuff. I try and just treat it as a relaxed day 🙂

I think there's millions of people out there who struggle with chritmas for lots of reasons, I know that I do. Just try and remember that you're not alone in your situation or in how you feel. The day will come and go.

How about this - I if you find the word ' should' in your thoughts- remove it. I should be with my family, should be having a fancy meal, should be able to afford more etc etc
When I ve been down/ alone and missing people - my treat would be to make something for them - a long letter / photo collage / music mix / art and then send it. Doing something for them instead of feeling sorry for myself was uplifting. I'd then have a bit of a spa at home day - nice bath, style my hair and put on my fave clothes- curl up with a book or watch a film. Apparently the gift making was worth it - people still remember those ' special ' gifts even now ! It's not often we take the time out to do things like that and it generates and spreads a lot of love.

How did the day go @IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece ? Hope it was okay.

Thank you for checking in

It was ok! I don’t want to do it again and all my lovely friends that kept FaceTiming to say hello (and not so secretly check in on me ) weirdly made it harder but it was fine and on the plus side, I had a rip roaring success of a roast dinner, so much so that I started a thread about it 🤣

Today dog and I are having leftovers and cuddles and it’s actually lovely because there’s no pressure.

Hope everyone had the day the hopes and thank you all again x