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Original poster

How would you take being told you lack substance?

18 replies

rosesarereddish · 20/12/2021 17:17

I had an interview, which I put in a lot of preparation for and felt went very well for a more senior role. I even said to my friend afterwards that if I didn't get the job atleast I knew it wasn't anything I did, as I'd really put my all into the interview and had prepared for the questions they asked and felt it went very well. I didn't get the role, which I understand, and that's not really what I'm upset about. I'm upset about the feedback. They said it was a really strong interview, that I had obviously come in to it well prepared and answered all of their questions clearly and gave some very strong situational examples, but that they felt I lacked substance and couldn't offer the department the stability it needs.

I'm really upset. I've been rejected from a few jobs in the past year, it doesn't overly effect me other than being a bit miffed for a few days. I've been in tears over this. Being told I lack substance has really knocked my confidence, I googled it thinking maybe I'm misunderstanding and all that came up was vapid, pointless, shallowness, emptiness. That has just offended me to my core. I understand perhaps saying that, if for example asked a question such as tell me a time you've worked to deadlines, if I'd just yes this is part of my current and previous roles I'm confident working to deadlines, you know that would be lacking substance perhaps. I didn't do that however, I gave clear related examples to all situational questions and they even said in the feedback I'd had good examples for these.

How would you take this? Am I over reacting? I just feel hurt by it, to be honest. The comment about being unable to offer stability is a bit offensive too, as it seems a thinly veiled dig at me potentially having more kids. I am, but they didn't know that.

OP posts:

flowersforbrains · 20/12/2021 17:27

I would be upset but I think it reflects on them more than you. It's not particularly kind feedback and I would view it as a lucky escape personally!

I was told I was a bit too quiet during one interview. Err........ that's because the Director didn't actually ask me any questions and didn't pause for breath. There's two sides to every story!

Yousexybugger · 20/12/2021 17:28

I expect it's just a badly worded, and therefore quite personal sounding way of saying you haven't shown quite as much managerial/ subject matter/ whatever is applicable experience as the successful candidate therefore you haven't proven yourself quite as much as them at interview.

I can understand why that's not a nice thing to hear and to be honest, doesn't give you
a lot to go on. However, I'd either go back and ask for clarification, or take solace in the positive feedback and for the future, try to provide either more specificity in your answers or evidence of leadership/ decision making and that kind of senior experience.

I wouldn't take it as the definitions you give- vapid, shallow etc. I'm sure they didn't mean to suggest you were those things.

MrsMoastyToasty · 20/12/2021 17:29

After initial disappointment I would think "f@$k you, it's your loss."

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BobbieT1999 · 20/12/2021 17:35

Try not to take it to heart, that's really poor and quite insulting feedback.

It's also contradictory to the rest of their feedback. I suspect someone doesn't really realise what "lacking substance" means and just thinks it sounds good. They also should have expanded on what they meant by this.

It sounds as though you made the shortlist but the job went to someone with more experience (or they already knew!).

You could ask them to expand on it if you like but I think it's better for you to just let it go.

100problems · 20/12/2021 17:36

It is a more senior role and they were looking for leadership qualities; how you will bring the team together, convey the vision and drive the strategy and it's delivery. It's a very hard set of qualities to convey in interview, but I'm guessing it's not something they've seen in you in your current role.

I'd suggest you read up on leadership skills and then ask as part of your appraised objectives to be put in charge of a project or initiative that enables you to demonstrate that you've got more in the tank.

TheCovidHalfStone · 20/12/2021 17:37

Any chance that this was ‘unconscious bias’ in any of its insidious forms (aka sexism, racism, ageism etc)? The feedback itself lacks substance which always makes me suspicious of this. See also ‘team fit’, ‘we didn’t click’, ‘wouldn’t be able to deal with the board’ etc.

TellMeDinosaurFacts · 20/12/2021 17:40

I was going to ask you how old you are after reading "couldn't give the department the stability it needs", then you mentioned the 'having more children.' Just wanted to reassure you that you're not mad for wondering if that's what they were getting at- it immediately sprang to my mind.

Scarydinosaurs · 20/12/2021 17:41

It sounds like the person is misusing the word - I would never give someone feedback like that.

If your IDEAS lacked substance, fair enough, but you as a person? Far too personal.

5thnonblonde · 20/12/2021 17:42

Don’t take criticism to heart from anyone you wouldn’t take advice from! They clearly need to work on giving better feedback that’s more specific and considered. Imagine if you’d got the role and had vague subjective comments like that to work on during your probation

Original poster

rosesarereddish · 20/12/2021 17:43

@TellMeDinosaurFacts

Yes I'm very suspicious of this, if I'm honest. I'm a mum to one, I'm 27 and I had time off for a miscarriage so they probably had an idea it was on the cards. I actually found out I'm pregnant again on Saturday. I didn't know when the interview was scheduled. So they were bang on that I can't offer the department the stability it needs as I'll be off on mat leave (hopefully) within 7/8 months. He didn't know that however, and I feel that prejudice definitely plays a part in it. I really want to ask him to elaborate on what he meant by it, but I was a bit stunned by the lack of substance comment and just got off the phone as quick as I could.

OP posts:

Original poster

rosesarereddish · 20/12/2021 17:46

Overall it's for the best, I was only saying this morning I don't know what to do if I'm offered the job, as since I applied I've found out I'm pregnant and this job is more hours and much less flexible than my current role, which fits brilliantly around young kids. It was however a lot more money and would of been a big help. It's not actually not getting the job I'm upset by, it's just the feedback! It came across very personal.

Thanks for reassurance and constructive ideas - means a lot.

OP posts:

flowersforbrains · 20/12/2021 18:58

These things have a habit of working out for the best!

Imagine if you'd got the job and they were beating with you with a stick about the hours, flexibility and management stuff. It's probably not what you need right now while you're pregnant or with a new baby.

Be glad you didn't get it. Seriously!

Dozer · 20/12/2021 19:03

Your OP was unclear, but it seems this was for an internal role and that the people interviewing you know you?

The feedback seems discriminatory. Was it delivered in person, verbally? Any witnesses?

Sadly, probably not a lot you can do. I might email stating the feedback you were given, in the words used, and ask for clarification. That might be useful in case you face discrimination later.

PartyPrawnRingGames · 20/12/2021 19:09

Yes sounds like a non contestable way of saying too young and a woman.

thatsallineed · 20/12/2021 19:14

They might have been looking for a hard-nosed ballbreaker, and you were basically too nice a person for it.

Bushkin · 20/12/2021 19:14

I’d have guess at young and female- see also ‘lacking gravitas’ - it’s not you, it’s them

Candleabra · 20/12/2021 19:17

And this is the start of where women’s careers begin to diverge from men’s.
I wish you a healthy pregnancy but there is no way you shouldn’t be considered for a more senior role on the basis that they suspect you are pregnant or may be in the future. That is discrimination.
The feedback is unprofessional and I don’t like the undertones. To say you lack substance personally is an insult.

cansu · 20/12/2021 19:24

it's probably just a way of saying they preferred someone else. They maybe also thought that you were not confident or aggressive enough. Many senior jobs look for people who are generally not especially personable. It could also be sexism and thinking you might have a maternity leave soon. Try not to think too much about it.

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