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Original poster

How to help DD get rid of nickname she doesn’t like?

25 replies

SheLikesHerName · 19/12/2021 20:25

DD is called Isabel. She’s 7, year 3.

There’s 2 other girls in her class called Isabella and Isabelle. Isabella is known as Bella, but Isabelle is also known as Isabelle.

Recently I’ve noticed children calling her Isa (said I-sa) and she looked disheartened and upset by it. She’s also had Christmas cards given to her in that name.

When I talked to her about it she said she didn’t like her name being shortened as she really likes her name and thinks it suits her, but the children in her class kept using it. She says she told her teacher and the TA she didn’t like the nickname and they asked her what she preferred to be called and she said “Isabel” so they always call her that or call her “Isabel Smith*” but the children carry on. She says when she’s tried to tell them they say “Its so we can tell which Isabelle we’re talking to” they apparently shorten the other Isabelle’s name to Issy or Izzy which she also doesn’t like (and the teachers call her Isabelle or Isabelle Jones)

I really want DD to shake off this nickname she so obviously doesn’t like and also for the sake of the other Isabelle (whose DDs friend and DD is apparently one of only a couple of children who call her Isabelle, and DD says Isabelle calls her Isabelle as well).

What can I do to help her? She has some SN which causes confidence issues so I don’t think her just saying “My name is Isabel” will work for her.

*Not real surnames

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 19/12/2021 20:28

Could you keep role playing it with her? Unfortunately you’ve got years and years of this. My daughter has her name shortened and she doesn’t like it either. Unfortunately people will ignore you and say what they want - because people can be rude!

I’d keep working on encouraging her to speak up for herself, and also emphasise to her people who love and care for her will get it right.

ApolloandDaphne · 19/12/2021 20:31

My DD has a shortening of her name she hates. At school, when anyone used it she just ignored them until they got the message and used her preferred nickname.

Alayalaya · 19/12/2021 20:34

So there are 3 girls with Isabel names? If one is Bella and one is Izzy then why can’t your daughter be Isabel? I would take it up with the teacher if it upsets her.

Or could you help her choose a nickname she feels comfortable with for the remainder of her time at that school? Maybe based on a middle name or surname? There was a child at my school who shared his first name so he went by Smi (pronounced Smee) which was short for Smith.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families General education Primary education

Original poster

SheLikesHerName · 19/12/2021 20:35

@Alayalaya

So there are 3 girls with Isabel names? If one is Bella and one is Izzy then why can’t your daughter be Isabel? I would take it up with the teacher if it upsets her.

@Alayalaya so 3 girls in the class: Isabella known as Bella, then Isabelle and Isabel both like to be called Isabel(le) or Isabel(le) Surname

OP posts:

Waterlemon · 19/12/2021 20:36

Middle name instead of surname might make it easier for the other children to adopt? Isabelle Rose Rather than Isabelle Smith

Original poster

SheLikesHerName · 19/12/2021 20:36

Just to add when ExH and I chose the name Isabel we both liked all of the shortenings and would be happy for her to be Issy, Izzy, Bell, Isa if she liked it but she doesn't and wants to be Isabel.

OP posts:

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 19/12/2021 20:37

Remind the teacher your dd is effectively being bullied and how does school tackle that?

WisestIsShe · 19/12/2021 20:37

This happened to me when I was at school and being a very determined child I just point blank refused to acknowledge anyone who shortened my name.

SproutsAndCheese · 19/12/2021 20:38

I'd talk to the teacher, she's tried to tell them and they've ignored her wishes and it upsets her. Time to ask the teacher to have a word.

tokyodreams · 19/12/2021 20:39

This is so weird. My DD's besties are Hannah D and Hannah W, same has always been the case if there's more than one Jess (Jess B and Jess K) etc.

I've never known a child's actual name to be changed like this

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/12/2021 20:43

I'd talk to the teacher and tell them its upsetting her. My ds had a time in year 3 or 4 where the children started calling him Thomas , he doesn't have Thomas on his bc. He tried telling them he didn't like it but some children ignored him. In the end he refused to answer to it

amusedbush · 19/12/2021 20:50

When I was at school, there were 7 Craigs in my year. Craig obviously can’t be shortened so they were called Craig Jones, Craig Smith, etc. Isabel(le) should be treated the same way if that’s how the girls prefer it.

Your DD has my sympathy - I’m very much a Jess and I’ve spent my life correcting complete strangers who insist on calling me Jessie.

Original poster

SheLikesHerName · 19/12/2021 20:53

@amusedbush

Your DD has my sympathy - I’m very much a Jess and I’ve spent my life correcting complete strangers who insist on calling me Jessie.

She doesn't mind if the others call her Isabel Smith as she says that's her name, it's the nickname she doesn't like.

@amusedbush you have my sympathy from DD

OP posts:

invisiblereally · 19/12/2021 21:15

Your DD needs to be consistent and correct people, verbally every time .... 'Is-o-bel , it's not difficult ..' and ignore anyone that says Isa as they aren't calling her as that's someone else's name.

Any Thankyou cards say "PS my name is Isobel not 'Isa'. I wasn't sure this was meant for me as you put the wrong name on it, until you told me it was "

If anyone is rude and keeps calling her 'nickname she doesn't like' then she invents slightly off nickname for them they don't like and gets it to catch on.

parrotonmyshoulder · 19/12/2021 21:20

My DD had cultivated a very withering look by that age and refused to answer to anything other than her full name.
As a teacher, however, I would be correcting every time a ‘wrong’ name was used if a child didn’t want it, so do speak to school.

SuckIt · 19/12/2021 21:23

Yeah she needs to correct people every. Single. Time.
My name is Isobel.
I had a daughter who consistently told EVERYONE she was EleanOR NOT EleanER.
It does work! She just needs to develop a thicker skin and own her name.

Solongtoshort · 19/12/2021 21:25

There’s two ways you can make my name shorter, l like one but really don’t like the other and l don’t answer to it. When l was 9 l started telling people l didn’t like it, when l was 12 l would say to people but that’s not y name. When l was 15 l just stopped and ring to it. I think because l was a child people thought l was being rude, clearly wasn’t the after being told for years l didn’t like it.

I feel for your daughter.

dementedma · 19/12/2021 21:37

Just tell her to correct, every time. DS is Joseph. Not Joe. At school when teachers called him Joe, he would just politely say "My name is Joseph". He is 19 now and all his friends call him Joseph. You dont have to accept a nickname.

One teacher was a knob and continued to call him Joe, despite DS asking him not to. In the end DS just refused to answer, saying " Sorry, didnt realise you were talking to me. Thats not my name".

GoodnightGrandma · 19/12/2021 21:40

In this same situation my DD and another girl were known as their first name and the first letter of their surname.
So it was like Charlotte N and Charlotte P.

PositivelyFooked · 19/12/2021 21:46

Unfortunately it’s a case of DD finding her voice and confidence to say “please call me Isabel, I don’t like my name being shortened to Isa or Izzy/Issy. If you keep calling me by a shortened name I’ll stop answering you until you can learn to call me by my actual name”

It’s really annoying having your name shortened to something you don’t like. I made the mistake of shortening a colleagues name the other day.. and then asked afterwards “do you prefer to go by William or do some people call you Will?” He told me he prefers William so I apologied and know for next time. It’s not hard to use someone’s actual name and by refusing to after someone had asked is rude and it almost sounds like they’re continuing it as a wind up. If someone’s upset by something you change it, regardless of if it means 3 heads turn to see which girl is being spoken to. No harm in that.

I hope your DD finds the willpower to stand up to her classmates and be called what she wants to.

Laiste · 19/12/2021 21:48

Goodness we're going through this with DD4 right now as well. Same age/year.

DD comes home and tells me she's tried and tried to stop being called a short version of her name. I've asked if the teacher uses nick name and she says no. I've asked if TA uses it and she says no. All good.

So i've been coaching her to do exactly what a lot of pp's are suggesting: just ignore when your nickname is used. DD is 'strong' enough to do this.

This has been going on ages. I couldn't understand why there was still an issue.

Now it transpires that DD is fine with certain people using the nickname and not others I mean ... you can't tell other 7 year old's that only some of them can use a certain name and others can't ....

sigh.

Not much help OP sorry. But i sympathise.

ANameChangeAgain · 19/12/2021 21:55

Keep on at school about it, by all means, but your dd is going to have to learn to keep correcting people. The trouble with a name that can be shortened, it will be. People do it with my name - think Amanda = Mandy / Mand. It happens so often it doesn't upset or offend me, but they aren't my names so I always have and always will correct them every single time.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/12/2021 22:16

Ask for the teachers support on pulling kids up when she hears it, and work with your daughter to keep saying, it’s Isabel.

It will pass eventually so I’d also not make too much of a big deal of it.

ghislaine · 19/12/2021 22:26

My sons both have names that can be shortened. We never intended to use the short versions and have always corrected people who assume we use the shortened version. Both sons do also - DC2 will arrive at a club and announce “I’m James. Not Jim. Not Jimmy”. They also won’t respond to shortened versions. There are plenty of boys with the shortened versions in their classes who will!

You and your daughter need to be insistent about using her full, preferred, name. It may take a while but be persistent and will happen.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 20/12/2021 11:10

Get the teacher to do a class announcement to remind everyone to use the name preferred by the child. It is definitely something I could see happening in the class I volunteer in. Once the announcement is done then any child not using the correct name should be reported to the teacher who will then correct them one on one.

We have only ever had one incident of two children having the exact same first and second name, not common surnames either and not related and spelt the exact same way! Both were called Isabel. They used their middle initials which fortunately were different.

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