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Original poster

Christmas- children home from university - what a disaster

49 replies

zita99 · 18/12/2021 20:02

It is Christmas and both my kids are home from university. The fire works has started. They hate each other. My daughter and son both at university fight . My son calls my daughter a ‘ bitch’ . It never ends . I basically hate both of them because they cannot just get on while they are in my house. My husband does nothing and lets it all happen. He just walks away. Christmas is a nightmare . I hate it so much. Actually my family is a nightmare. I have two children who basically hate one another and cannot be in the same room. Why I don’t know. My son is 21 does not have a girl friend and never has. My daughter has never really had friends at school. I want to walk away from both of them. I will make dinner tell them to get their food and take it to their rooms and leave me alone. I can’t stand them.

OP posts:

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 18/12/2021 21:16

Why are you putting up with this?
Tell them they are civil to each other in your house or they leave.
It really is that simple

Etherealhedgehog · 18/12/2021 21:18

I feel like you should post this on the 'Is it sad to only have one child' thread that really riled me, and I imagine many others, recently

Original poster

zita99 · 18/12/2021 21:19

Yep you said it all Summerfun54321 . Ok I sat them down tonight and had it out. Apparently they love each other. Let’s see how it goes. I think as parents it never ends. This god forsaken mess with covid is not helping.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

21 years old Families

Goldbar · 18/12/2021 21:23

Tell them to do their share of house chores and take turns cooking dinner, otherwise they can take themselves off to their uni accommodation for Christmas. They'll have less time for sniping at each other then.

fuckoffjournalists · 18/12/2021 21:53

Your children sound really unhappy, have you asked them why? Maybe their childhood wasn't as 'happy' as you think.

Bringonsummer19 · 18/12/2021 22:03

That great OP, equally they start arguing them work away. I find I’m too quick to get involved and I don’t seem to effect change.

OnAWinterMorningFarAway · 18/12/2021 22:04

@zita99

Thats's good, it's a start.

Re the poster's advice, I would start insisting they find work and there’s lots about at the moment even picking up deliveroo shifts for your son - why do posters so often suggest this at the moment? They're home for a few weeks for university. My DC already have jobs in pubs/food that they're worried about losing because of the impending restrictions. It took them many weeks post-applying to be processed to get those jobs.

HeddaGarbled · 18/12/2021 22:10

Not having had a girlfriend at age 21 isn’t that remarkable, but never having had any friends at school is.

So there’s something else here, not just aggro between the two of them.

sillysmiles · 18/12/2021 23:32

Also, stop getting involved.
If bickering is their "love language" leave them be. I don't think it's right to moderate or referee the way adult children communicate.

Joinedforthis2021 · 18/12/2021 23:41

Get on booking.com reserve a hotel, leave the confirmation on the table.. Grab your keys and off you go.

Sharp shock tactics required!

BHX3000 · 18/12/2021 23:47

@sillysmiles

Also, stop getting involved. If bickering is their "love language" leave them be. I don't think it's right to moderate or referee the way adult children communicate.

Well no, but it’s also not right to make your parents’ life a living hell when you come home as an adult.

I dared pull this crap once when I came home for Christmas after my first term at uni. My parents said I was welcome to stay if I behaved like the adult I was, or I was welcome to go back to my halls and have Christmas there. Just because I was home didn’t mean I didn’t have to respect people living there anymore. Not once again did they have to remind me to be polite and respectful.

liveforsummer · 19/12/2021 06:49

Mine are way way younger but I can see this being the case in the future as they are already at it. It's easy to say stay calm but it's so wearing and unpleasant to have constant sniping and arguing. Dd2 is a little wind up but Dd1 speaks in such an unpleasant tone it's rage inducing. I put them in separate rooms just so I can get a beak from it. I've even sent them separately to their dads on occasion instead of both going together at their arranged time. I think at this point I'd be sitting them down and saying they'll have to alternate years if it doesn't stop as you shouldn't be feeling this miserable in your own home especially due to 2 adults. I feel for you OP

Roselilly36 · 19/12/2021 06:59

That sounds really difficult, do they usually get along ok? I have two DS 20 & nearly 19, they get on really well and are best friends, if they ever fall out which is very rare I hate it. Not sure what my advice would be, as they are adults you can’t make them get along, but why isn’t their dad helping? I know my DH would speak to our boys particularly if it was upsetting me. I hope things settle down OP

GoodVibesHere · 19/12/2021 07:43

All my sympathy OP. I hope things get a bit better for you all today. I expect they do love each other really.

My teenage girls don't always get along, it is extremely draining to be around them. They have a lovely home, parents who love them and provide for them, why can't they just get on 😭

AuntieMarys · 19/12/2021 07:53

Mine don't like each other ( mid twenties). Never speak to each other.
They have their own houses and I don't invite them at the same time.

cptartapp · 19/12/2021 08:00

Does your DD have friends at uni?
If they're both so bad, why tell just your DS to go back? Nothing wrong with him not having a girlfriend. He may have, but just not that you know of. DS1 is at uni and I suspect I don't know the half of what goes on.

THisbackwithavengeance · 19/12/2021 08:32

I'd be booking Christmas dinner for 2 at your local pub for you and your DH and leaving them to it.

urbanbuddha · 19/12/2021 10:02

My usual way of handling it is yelling and then walking away.

So, learned behaviour then. Bit late but children learn by example. Maybe try changing the example you're giving them.

sillysmiles · 19/12/2021 20:13

Well no, but it’s also not right to make your parents’ life a living hell when you come home as an adult.

I agree, but if the OP doesn't engage or referee the rows and just ignores them-how is it making her life hell?

BHX3000 · 19/12/2021 20:18

@sillysmiles

Well no, but it’s also not right to make your parents’ life a living hell when you come home as an adult.

I agree, but if the OP doesn't engage or referee the rows and just ignores them-how is it making her life hell?

Am I the only one who would be bothered by other people screaming, bickering and constantly arguing, in my own home? I’m sorry but my house isn’t the place where others can come to shout. It’s not as easy as ignoring or not engaging… it’s going to affect you, hearing constant shouting and rows in your own home, don’t you think?

PatchworkElmer · 19/12/2021 20:51

My brother and I don’t get on, never have. It wasn’t great at Christmas when we were both home from uni, but we were civil and didn’t ruin it for our parents and grandparents.

… Things are better now we’re not under the same roof 😂😂

mumofEandE · 19/12/2021 21:01

My 2 DC also have never got on!
DD is 16 and DS is 23
DS moved out 2 years ago, which helped
I have no advice but it does make me a bit sad.

sillysmiles · 20/12/2021 07:49

it’s going to affect you, hearing constant shouting and rows in your own home, don’t you think?

She has talked to them and they don't hate each other, so no they being at each other wouldn't bother me when i know that there is no real animosity behind it. If they're was actual animosity behind it, i wouldn't be able to deal with the fighting. But just bitching at each other I'd easily ignore.

WoodenReindeer · 20/12/2021 07:56

I'm a bit concerned at what your son calls your daughter and the fact she has no friends.

I wonder too if they think they've had as happy a childhood as the OP thinks/what their OP would be?

I know of situations where one child is nasty to the other/other is fed up of the other being mean/argues back yet parents say "they bicker."

Im aware of families where children don't feel as happy as parents think and they act out. Parents blame the kids...

Did the kids always get along until they were at uni?

When did you stop liking them?

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