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Original poster

Dh and dementia. Worried.

40 replies

MumbleCrumbs · 17/12/2021 22:20

Full disclaimer I have pretty severe generalised anxiety disorder and health anxiety, but I am worried and just wanted some advice.
DH had has trouble concentrating for a while now. He can't focus on work and his memory, whilst never great, has been much worse. He'll forget a task he needs to do within five minutes of being asked to do it. Sometimes in the time it takes to just walk downstairs.
He is someone who never goes to the Dr and never worries about his health but has had a few tests now. The GP didn't even see him in person, just asked him a few memory questions over the phone and based on his answers says he doubts DH will be accepted as a referral to the memory clinic. Can he really be that sure over the phone? Does that sound right?
DH did suffer with depression last year but that has mostly resolved but he does have a stressful, unstimulating job and barely goes anywhere other than our home and shops.
Recent blood tests were fine but I'm just worried sick since I realised he was worried it might be early onset dementia. He's only 39 with no family history, how likely could this be? I'm in a bit of a panic spiral as I know early treatment is so vital.

OP posts:

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/12/2021 22:21

At 39
Vanishingly unlikely

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 17/12/2021 22:34

Do you think that was why the GP was quite dismissive over the phone? Because its so unlikely? I know its almost certainly just stress but his issues seem really quite pronounced at the moment .

OP posts:

AnImposter · 17/12/2021 22:37

The memory test (6CIT) has a score, the threshold is 12. Under that and the memory clinic do not accept the referral. That's the black and white of it.

Interested in this thread?

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Dementia & alzheimer's General health

AnImposter · 17/12/2021 22:38

12, where I live I should add, not sure if other trusts are different!

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 18/12/2021 06:54

Thanks, so I suppose that's why the GP was quite adamant he wouldn't be referred. It just seems so odd that you need to wait for it to potentially get even worse to be referred to have it ruled out? When warky intervention is so important.

OP posts:

HohohoCoughCough · 18/12/2021 06:56

Look into ADHD.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/12/2021 07:03

Sounds much more likely to be depression/stress related, or something like ADHD.

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 18/12/2021 07:04

Sorry, early not warky!

Can ADHD start up like this in adulthood? Like I say his memory has never been great but this inability he has to focus on anything is completely new.

OP posts:

Fairysocks · 18/12/2021 07:10

Stress can exacerbate neurodivergent traits. I would say ADHD, too. Add an unstimulating job into the mix, plus never going anywhere - he isn’t testing his memory / concentration day to day. I forget what I’m doing all of the time - going from room to room!

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 18/12/2021 07:20

Yes that does seem more likely Fairy. As I say he has zero family history of dementia either. I guess I'm just so used to him being so stoic that to see him worry has made me really worry. His quality of life is really so crap right now .

OP posts:

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 07:34

I would say ADHD too.

My DH has all the traits - it's hard but manageable once you know what you're dealing with. I would go to the doctor about his inability to focus and concentrate rather than just about the memory issues.

Saltyquiche · 18/12/2021 07:39

Chat to him about your concerns. What can be improved? Sleep, exercise, hobbies, socialising, stimulation, stress levels, nutrition? Work on the wider picture first and then approach the gp with a list of concerns if still worried after 6 months of developing better routines.

Saltyquiche · 18/12/2021 07:40

Second adhd

Saltyquiche · 18/12/2021 07:41

If adhd it would be good for him to look at coping strategies, how to remember things. I write lists personally

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 18/12/2021 07:48

@MumbleCrumbs
I've got gad aswel and it's really friggin bad at the moment

Constant battle in my head that's getting to me this week

Lots of stress building up and manifesting as things that really wouldn't be a concern as such normally.

Last week I was forgetting so many things and felt really disjointed to a point where I was concerned but it's dies down this week.

Could your dh be suffering with some form of anxiety under the stress op?

I say this as I've always been a really strong person the organiser the problem solver etc etc and had a lot of things come at me over the years and then suddenly anxiety hit me like a brick wall and it's been a battle

I never thought id be an anxious person yet here I am

PanicBuyingSprouts · 18/12/2021 07:51

I thought I was heading towards Dementia until I realised it's just my ADHD playing me up.

If he's depressed that will be making it worse.

Is he motivated to help himself?

passionfruitpizza · 18/12/2021 07:56

My dad's dementia started not long after that age although I think little signs were there for a while. No family history. They initially diagnosed him with depression as he was struggling at work and eventually lost his job.

MaybeAMoaner · 18/12/2021 07:59

I think at 39 he’s too young and it’s probably something else.
Does he have too much going on right now? Is he stressed or depressed?
Because that can cause lots of memory blips.

WhoWants2Know · 18/12/2021 08:02

Depression can cause what used to be called "pseudo-dementia" and affect attention and memory. It's treatable with medication and lifestyle changes.

Coffeesnob11 · 18/12/2021 09:01

My memory got so much worse at 43 I convinced myself I had dementia and was going to have to be put in a home. It turned out to be adhd and ptsd and the trauma had exasperated the memory issues. Counselling and medication have helped a bit.

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 18/12/2021 09:25

@passionfruitpizza

I'm sorry that's so sad

He says he doesn't "feel depressed" but his life is so monotonous. He is motivated to help himself I think but he never seems to have any real energy or enthusiasm about anything. He's always been a bit like this, but it's very much worse this year. On top of everything else he's also practically my carer and I feel just bloody horribly guilty that I'm adding to his stress. I just wish he'd be seen by the memory clinic so it could be ruled out.

OP posts:

TallulahsCurse · 18/12/2021 09:28

@MumbleCrumbs

Sorry, early not warky!

Can ADHD start up like this in adulthood? Like I say his memory has never been great but this inability he has to focus on anything is completely new.

No it cant just appear in adulthood. Also it's usually much more pronounced in childhood so if nothing was noticed then it's also vanishingly unlikely, if not impossible that he would just suddenly have ADHD traits now.

It's much more likely to be related to mental health issues as they can definitely affect memory and cognition.

MastieMum · 18/12/2021 09:39

Stress can impact executive functions in a very similar way to aspects of neurodiversity. If it's a recent thing then probably best to focus on addressing stress first?

Original poster

MumbleCrumbs · 18/12/2021 09:51

Yes I do doubt that he has ADHD but I've suspected he may be neurodivergent for many years and our eldest DD, the most like him, has aspergers.

And he is definitely very stressed

OP posts:

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/12/2021 12:03

Ok so it’s not ADHD as others have said...but very likely to be elements of neuro-divergence which have been exacerbated through stress.

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