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Original poster

How old were your DCs when you left them alone for an hour or two?

50 replies

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/12/2021 07:36

Just to clarify I'm not planning on doing this yet as I think he's too young, it's just a musing for the future.

I'm a single parent, DS is 8 and a half. I'd like to join a gym in the future and go to classes as I just can't get motivated to lose weight at home! He does go to his dad's house but only around 3 nights a month.

What age did you all start leaving your children for an hour to do stuff like this?

OP posts:

Cotswoldmama · 17/12/2021 11:02

I would trust my 8 nearly 9 year old for am hour or two but my youngest is nearly 6 and even when he's 9 and the other is 12 I think I'd trust them alone but not together! I think it very much depends on the child.

luverlybubberly · 17/12/2021 11:10

About 10?
He was sensible and able to ignoring a door knock and wouldn't start cooking or something random and potentially dangerous

KnottyKnitting · 17/12/2021 11:12

I left DD2 for about 15 minutes when she was 9 in order to drop her older sister at dancing and then same DD got herself to school in the morning ( left for about an hour) and let herself in after school from 11 ( alone for about an hour until her older sister came home)

Went out for the evening without having a babysitter when DD1 was 14 and DD2 12.- we were 10 mins down the road. They were both very sensible though so I think it can depend on the child.

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thedefinitionofmadness · 17/12/2021 11:15

Around 10 in the daytime for around an hour max
but not until 12+ in the evenings.
But that is responding to my children, their access to phones for socialising or help if it were needed. And that is with very lovely next door neighbours who would drop anything to help and have known them since they were babies.

LaTomatina · 17/12/2021 11:21

It really depends on the children, and where you live.

Here (small country in EU) nearly all children walk to and from school without adults (or take a school bus) from age 7 (2nd grade). By 7 or 8 I would let mine stay alone for half an hour or so. Probably an hour longer with each year. Mine started going to the shop round the corner together, without me when they were 5 and 7. I know that would be frowned upon by modern British standards, but over here it's very normal.

MissAmbrosia · 17/12/2021 11:26

10 - whilst I popped to supermarket.
11 - no school on Wed pm so occasionally she would have to stay by herself til I got home about 4.30 / 5 pm or so. Quite often she had a friend with her.
12 - Secondary school - same for Wed pm and after school - would let herself and get a snack. School holidays - when not on booked activties/dh and I off - all day. She would normally stay in bed til lunchtime though.

CatsArePeople · 17/12/2021 11:59

Once in a while - 8 should be fine. On regular basis - not such a good idea. Not that it would be dangerous, but might get into bad habbits when unsupervised.

I know that would be frowned upon by modern British standards, but over here it's very normal.
In Britain, you need to be careful with nosy neighbours and other busibodies. They can easily call SS over "neglected child crying home alone all day long"

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/12/2021 12:07

We leave our eldest DD (aged 10) for 10-15minutes.

However I have a volunteer role one evening (about 2hrs total) and she will be coming with me still although she's too old for a few more months. The general consensus was she's too young and our whole role is helping children develop life skills and independence.

WildStallyn · 17/12/2021 12:33

David Lloyd has an excellent kids club, so you can drop them off to learn a sport or play games for an hour or 2 whilst you exercise. Other high end gyms probably have this too.

I realise the cost may be prohibitive but it might be something you could consider. They'll probably have joining offers in January.

WoodenReindeer · 17/12/2021 12:35

David lloyd is soooo expensive! You could pay for childcare for that...

Original poster

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/12/2021 13:19

Thanks everyone, a range of answers! My problem is that I can't drive so my only option would be a local gym that's walking distance. He does go to clubs but I wouldn't have time to get to the gym then pick him up without a car.

I wouldn't leave him now at 8. When he starts secondary school he will have to come home one day a week and be on his own for about an hour and a half as I work later, luckily I work locally (as in 10 minutes walk from home) so I'll be nearby for emergencies.

OP posts:

JustLyra · 17/12/2021 15:49

It totally depends on the child.

I could have left one of my DD’s from around 6 (I didn’t!) whereas her sister I get nervous about now and she’s nearly 20!

Also depends where you live - where we live now I’ll happily let DD3 (10) stay out playing for half an hour while I collect DD4 or nip to the shops. It’s a safe street, we know the neighbours, lots of other kids play out etc. She could ask at 6/7 houses for help if she needed it.
Where we used to live when my older two were little - not a chance.

PugInTheHouse · 17/12/2021 18:22

Maybe age 10 but really depends on the child, the time of day and where you are. If at the gym I wouldn't necessarily be contactable so I would feel more nervous and I wouldn't have left mine at night at that age. After 12 for evenings, mine were maybe left at 13 & 11 as they were together and both really sensible (plus neighbours/family close by).

I am surprised at some of the posters on here mentioning a couple of hours max for 13/14 year olds. I would expect at that age they should be capable of being at home alone whilst you go out for the evening or all day whilst at work. I was babysitting for young children at that age.

elliejjtiny · 17/12/2021 18:26

I leave my 15 year old for an hour max. Not left my 13 year old yet. They both have SN though.

onewayandday · 17/12/2021 18:39

I think it depends on the child. My DD 12
for an hour. My DS 14/15

3peassuit · 17/12/2021 18:39

Secondary school so coming up to 12. Just long enough for a quick supermarket shop.

Hotelhelp · 17/12/2021 18:43

Following this thread as I should really be starting to leave mine for a while.

megletthesecond · 17/12/2021 19:42

Once my youngest was in year 6 I'd leave them for an hour or so to pop to town or go for a run.

They've been alone after dark in winter. But never for long and the latest I've been home is 8. (13 & 15 now). I have a ring doorbell too which really sets my mind at ease.

CremeEggThief · 17/12/2021 19:47

I think it was 9 for longer than a few minutes. DS didn't want to come with me to a hair appointment (as he had a cold) and as the hairdresser was in a precint 2 minutes walk from our house, I agreed. I did tell him to come to the salon if he changed his mind or needed anything and not to use the kettle, toaster or cooker or answer the door while I was away.

Billyliarohdear · 17/12/2021 19:49

I'm saying 1st Year of Secondary- 12yo.

Littleducks · 18/12/2021 11:13

For those who don't leave their teens for more than a few hours what do you do in school holidays if you work?

Hen2018 · 18/12/2021 11:54

Daytime - 14
Nighttime - 16

We’re miles from anywhere.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/12/2021 11:56

Around 13

elliejjtiny · 18/12/2021 12:11

@Littleducks unfortunately I can't work at the moment. My 13 year-old attempted suicide 10 months ago and I don't feel like I can leave him at all at the moment. Unfortunately the government don't recognise that he needs any more supervision than any other child his age so we can't get dla etc for him either.

Littleducks · 18/12/2021 12:16

@elliejjtiny so sorry to hear that, how awful for him and you. I'm not surprised that he didn't qualify for dla, it is certainly not for for purpose as a system but still so saddened to hear you not getting support you need.

I hope he is getting proper support from Camhs or similar and is on the road to recovery.

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