TLDR - have turned into inefficient fat lump, have failed many times to fix, advice welcome.
full version
hi
I honestly would appreciate a kick up the backside and suggestions for the vague fug I seem to be in.
This is not meant to be a self pitying rant but more a Statement of Affairs for my current life situation.
Need to return to work after 3 and half years out - not keen, never liked work, but needs must
hopelessly undisciplined around the home, not with DC but with my own stuff. DP pretty much keeping family stuff going.
very overweight and very disorganised. have been posting on MN to try to tackle both but everything seems to be a one minute wonder with me. So far all my organising attempts have involved moving stuff around. There is an element of too many of us stuffed into a small flat, but also I am crap because I don't do stuff like tidy as I go.
I tried TOMM, I even went for Swedish death clean before I realised I was about to take a bag of books to the charity shop that I will actually want to re-read in future.
I even have a good example right in front of me - DP being the sort of person who doesn't know how to make mess and also the sort of person who gets out of bed and does push ups.
Meanwhile, I am turning into the sort of person who says "ooof" when getting off the sofa.
it's bad...it's also a vicious circle because I feel like I must be more on top of things before going back to work or I'll stuff it up, but also I suspect I need work to motivate me.
so I need something to motivate me.
I hate to blame lockdown as I know I have to take responsibility for my own behaviour.
The only excuse I will give myself is that I get very bad SAD so it's always been the case that I under perform at this time of year. It's not a brilliant time to be trying big "sort self out" missions but frankly the ones I did in summer didn't work too well either.
I also have a lot of irritation around computers and I'm really dreading learning a bunch of new systems in any new job. It seems like life is an endless round of learning to use new tech and I hate it.
I would consider retraining but the most profitable suggestion for anyone retraining seems to be "learn to code". but perhaps I should consider that if it means less faffing about with people and working from home?
can anyone relate? Can anyone help me be efficient again? And less irritable?
thank you and well done if you read this.