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Partner is making me ill while pregnant.

12 replies

steph3190 · 16/12/2021 17:16

Hello, I don't know where to start, I was a single mother of a 2 year old ( past father non existent and abusive while on relationship) I decided after 2 years of being alone with my little one to start my new love life after getting therapy and focus on myself i was ready. I met this guy who seem so funny and my soul mate, he knew i had a 2 year old and her father wasn't around but still decided to want to be with me, he wanted me to move near him to be together ( he has 2 kids from previous relationship and had a toxic past too) i didn't want to judge him as i also had a toxic pass, i moved to be with him and he just moved in with me. at first everything was good but after a while he expected me to pay whole rent, bills and moan if i said we needed food. things go deeper when he decided to go drinking with friends all the time and expecting to use this house as a hotel and me as a maid or a PA .... his money situation wasn't great his van broke down too many times and i ended up lending him two thousand pounds over the course of 1 year which has not been paid, I felt i've been the shadow of his past relationship he will always bring ( all woman do this and that) he would say i don't work but ask me always for money when he needs while he works full time. he seem jealous of my toddler and says she is difficult its been a year now i am pregnant with his baby and he disappeared a weekend to drink no communication i ended up hitting rock bottom his behaviour is the same of his ex behaviour towards him when they were in a relationship. he blames my child but lives rent free and bills free.I had to look for therapy to be a better person for the sake of my kids and i dont trust him as he broke that trust. he promised me he would make it better but all he did was being covid to this house ... i ended up looking after him, my toddler and try to look after myself while 8 months pregnant while this time he was promising me he will do anything for me, he will get help and he will put his head down and work really hard to mend his debts BUT after 2 weeks seems to come back to the SAME OLD i am 9 months pregnant now, my toddler is sick, i've been poorly that i can't even go outside for a walk on top of that he is battling in court to see his kids as his ex has refused him to be with them for 8 months which i've been helping him with all paperwork.
He comes home to tell me he is bored and seems its the same everyday , that we cannot go out because i have a toddler and made me feel yet again like he prefers to go drinking with friends and no be responsible than accept the hardships like I had for the past months.

I am physically sick nearly giving birth and all the stress as affected me and the baby i don't have family members to support me only me and my toddler ... i don't know what to do but i don't feel happy either that he brought so much debts in this relationship and has made me not have my money because i've helped him so much.

I've been cooking and cleaning still and not seem to much of a help from him but i just carry on... i feel this might be the end of us and its sad... : /

OP posts:
VanCleefArpels · 16/12/2021 17:20

Whatever you do, and there are many things you can do when you are ready, do not put this person’s name on your new baby’s birth certificate. Once you are strong enough after the birth you can seek advice on how to get free of this parasite.

Palavah · 16/12/2021 17:22

i feel this might be the end of us and its sad

It's a lot sadder to stay with him. Chuck him out and put in a CMS claim now. He's a cocklodger and he's taking you for a ride. He is not a partner. He does not have your best interests at heart nor those of your child.

ProudThrilledHappy · 16/12/2021 17:25

I very much doubt his ex was the problem in their relationship. He was probably exactly the same with her.

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gobbynorthernbird · 16/12/2021 17:28

You need more therapy, your boundaries are completely fucked.

Also, stop helping him with the court stuff. It sounds like his ex is completely right in not wanting him to have contact with their joint DC.

melissasummerfield · 16/12/2021 17:34

Move back to where you were from originally and don’t look back!

Embracelife · 16/12/2021 17:37

You would be mad to stay with him.
Get him out now.

Sn0tnose · 16/12/2021 17:42

If this is the end of your relationship, it will be the best possible scenario. You have gone from one abusive shitbag to another, and you haven’t recognised any of the warning signs. Everything you’ve described from meeting him right up to today should have been screaming at you that things weren’t right.

Chuck this man out. Do not put his name on the birth certificate. Move back to where your family and friends are so you have some support. Do the Freedom Programme. Stay single. If you do these things then you stand a reasonable chance of eventually meeting someone decent and having a good life together. If you don’t, you’re going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. That would be fine if it was just you, but you have two babies who will be watching everything you do.

Queenie6655 · 16/12/2021 17:48

He is a total BASTARD

There I have said it

How fcking dare he !!!!

Awful

Value yourself and look after your toddler or he will end up hurting her too

What a scummy man

Get him out

WonderfulYou · 16/12/2021 18:03

If you don’t work and he works full time how are you affording all of the bills?

Where was he living before?
Could he go back there? Whether you separate or not is up to you but you definitely need to live apart until you get things sorted.

Scrooge89 · 16/12/2021 18:06

What a total
Utter twat. None of this is acceptable - horrible selfish alcoholic - Cocklodger.

Cut your losses and get away

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/12/2021 18:33

He sounds awful. What is he bringing to the partnership? Honestly I don’t think you should feel sad for a second that it is ending, think you should feel delighted that your eyes have been open and that you can start to free yourself of this man and this unhappy relationship.

Queenie6655 · 18/12/2021 21:33

Op what happened??

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