Help me get over my best friend who ghosted me

primordialsuper · 2021-12-15T20:16:35+00:00

Just as the subject really. My best friend of many years ghosted me a few months ago after I moved house and moved away. We have both moved around quite a lot so it's not unusual for either of us, not like we both have only been in one place all the time. So no idea why this time it was different, but such is her choice. But I still miss her so much. I've done all the things that have been suggested. I've talked to other friends and family for support. I've joined a couple of clubs for sports. I've kept myself busy with work and other hobbies I have. I've practised so much self care I could write a book on it. I've even been seeing a therapist not just because of that but it is something that's part of it. It's not quite so hurtful and raw anymore, but it still plays on my mind. I think about her and the things we used to do. So many things remind me of her. Tell me it will get better? I can't think I did anything wrong as it were, but everything goes unanswered. She still posts on social media so I know she's alive and nothing bad has happened.

coodawoodashooda · 15/12/2021 20:20

If you can't think of anything specific you've done then id handle it by being angry.

Icantremembermyusername · 15/12/2021 20:21

Sometimes people just need space. It could be nothing to do with you at all. I still post on social media because it means that fewer people hassle me in person if I'm feeling uptight.
Just hang in there. And stop pursuing. She'll get in touch when and if she's ready. And if she doesn't, she's lost a really good friend x

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 15/12/2021 20:22

I would unfollow her on social media. Then you wont be reminded quite so often.

Its like a break up isnt it? So yes it will get easier over time.

A580Hojas · 15/12/2021 20:28

I withdrew from a friend I saw a lot of for no reason other than a switch sort of went off in my mind about her. I don't hate her and wish her well but I suddenly realised I would not be missing anything if I didn't see her. It happens.

SandysMam · 15/12/2021 20:30

It’s really painful Op, I feel for you. I had similar from a friend, she would take a week to reply really short answers. I could imagine her saying “don’t engage”. It really hurts but I just tell myself I know I haven’t done anything wrong, and it is all about her. Sometimes people just stop liking someone and there is just nothing you can do about it and no point trying to make sense of it.
Have you tried asking her directly?

Original poster

primordialsuper · 15/12/2021 20:31

Yeah sometimes these things do just happen I guess. I've been through the anger and sadness and acceptance and all the stages of grief kind of thing, but it still has a bit of a sting in the tail.

Just hoped it would have faded more by now, but I guess there's no time limit on it.

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 15/12/2021 21:36

@A580Hojas

I withdrew from a friend I saw a lot of for no reason other than a switch sort of went off in my mind about her. I don't hate her and wish her well but I suddenly realised I would not be missing anything if I didn't see her. It happens.

That’s really unpleasant.

Oblomov21 · 15/12/2021 21:44

I get how you feel. One of my 4 closest friends ghosted me last month, claiming I was transphobic about her now dd being trans. I'm so hurt, miss her, but so angry.

Are you angry? All the stages of grief bring about 5 or 6 different emotions. What stage of the process are you atm?

Theblacksheepandme · 15/12/2021 21:53

My daughter has a friend that only talks about herself. She is extremely needy and wants my daughter to do a lot of things for her. She also sounds like she can be quite jealous of her. My daughter was chosen to play a piece of music at a Christmas concert. Her friend plays the same instrument but wasn't asked. Anyway she played and went back. She said to her friend that she made a slight mistake and she replied that she knew and it was really noticeable. My daughter has told her numerous time that some of the things she says and does is very unkind. She takes it on board for a while but reverts back to her old ways. My daughter has now withdrawn and I can assure you that her friend can't understand why or what she has done. Sometimes people do need to withdraw for good reasons and the other person will just not see why and never will. Apologies for the rambling.

coodawoodashooda · 15/12/2021 22:01

@Theblacksheepandme

My daughter has a friend that only talks about herself. She is extremely needy and wants my daughter to do a lot of things for her. She also sounds like she can be quite jealous of her. My daughter was chosen to play a piece of music at a Christmas concert. Her friend plays the same instrument but wasn't asked. Anyway she played and went back. She said to her friend that she made a slight mistake and she replied that she knew and it was really noticeable. My daughter has told her numerous time that some of the things she says and does is very unkind. She takes it on board for a while but reverts back to her old ways. My daughter has now withdrawn and I can assure you that her friend can't understand why or what she has done. Sometimes people do need to withdraw for good reasons and the other person will just not see why and never will. Apologies for the rambling.

Yeah i understand this.

dotparker · 16/12/2021 11:40

Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason,
A season or a Lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will
Know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a
REASON, it is usually to meet a
Need you have expressed. They have come to
assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you
physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to
be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part or at and inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they
act up and force you to take a stand. What
we must realize is that our need has been
met, our desire fulfilled, their wake is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a
SEASON, because your turn has come to
share, grow or learn. They bring you an
experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable
amount of joy. Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and
put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is
blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Hang in there, OP. You will make new friends and life will go on. It's okay and perfectly normal to go through the stages of grief in the meantime

Theblacksheepandme · 16/12/2021 12:20

dotparker
Where did you get that out of?

Mybalconyiscracking · 16/12/2021 12:58

My NDN did this, I thought she was a friend. Now I have to pass her house every day and wonder “What did I do?”
Our children grew up in and out of eachother’s houses. It makes me terribly sad!

Original poster

primordialsuper · 16/12/2021 14:19

Oh thank you all for the replies. I've heard the reason season lifetime thing so many times and it really rings true, maybe we weren't destined to be lifetime friends like I thought!

I'm passed the anger and raw emotion, not even that sad anymore. Just think about it more than I perhaps should even though I'm doing all the things I keep getting told I should do. I guess these things don't just fade away so quickly and easily do they.

OP posts:

Oblomov21 · 16/12/2021 16:50

1)Ghosting takes it to a new level.
2)The R-S-L below makes sense.
3) The hurt. Of i) 'if you don't know me by now' - ie I thought you knew me/got me/ but clearly you didn't. And ii) you also weren't the person I thought you were either. So my own judgement skills are off. It's enlightening. But saddening. And hurtful. And you get damaged. Because a little bit of your trusting nature is now destroyed irreparably.

flowersforbrains · 16/12/2021 16:57

I've parted company with a long standing friend this year.

I was concerned about some decisions she was making but she took it very personally when I really had her best interests at heart (controlling/gambling partner). She's been distant ever since and when we did speak there was a horrible competitive vibe from her so I just decided to knock it on the head.

We'd grown apart and we're actually quite different people now. I miss the person she used to be but not who she is now. She probably thinks the same about me.

Ilovetheseventies · 16/12/2021 18:35

A friend did this to me and at the time I was upset and it can be painful and not really recognised as a thing. I had alot of other friends and so although it hurt I was able to move on. You may have been over reliant on this relationship and need to focus on other areas of yr life.
It does leave you wondering but after a while this fades.
She then wanted to be friends again after three years. It strikes me