Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Oh heck, is it OK if he sleeps on the sofa?

24 replies

Pamsresearch · 15/12/2021 12:13

On a whim I booked last minute bargain London theatre tickets for tonight, then had to find someone to come with me .

First couple of (female) friends couldn't make it so I asked a male friend (acquaintance really) who I know likes the show.

He'd love to come, but if we're back late can he crash on my sofa? He works near where I live but has an hour commute in the morning. I'm also an hour closer to the theatre than he is, so it does make some sense.

I've said yes and now thinking that was a bit rash...He's perfectly pleasant, I'm happy to spend the evening with him but overnight? My two adult sons will be here if that makes a difference.

We're both single, but I have no intention or desire to get "involved" with him.

Am I giving dangerous messages by saying he can stay?

OP posts:
Tee20x · 15/12/2021 12:18

If he's an acquaintance won't it be weird for him to sleep on your sofa. Might be weird for your adult sons to have a man in their living room who I'm presuming they don't really know?

How far away does he live, can he get a cab home from yours?

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 15/12/2021 12:19

I don't think you are giving dangerous messages.

Have you any reason to distrust this man?

Corbally · 15/12/2021 12:22

What exactly do you mean ‘is it ok’? Ok for whom? Do you not want him to stay? Have you any reason to think this man will view this innocuous request as an indication of sexual interest?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Original poster
Pamsresearch · 15/12/2021 12:39

@Corbally

What exactly do you mean ‘is it ok’? Ok for whom? Do you not want him to stay? Have you any reason to think this man will view this innocuous request as an indication of sexual interest?
Is it OK? was his question.

No I have no reason to fear the man, I've never spent any time alone in his company before.

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 15/12/2021 12:40

I really cant see where the problem is.

Original poster
Pamsresearch · 15/12/2021 12:40

Sons know him as well as I do. They've been at the same events I have when he's been there.

OP posts:
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 15/12/2021 12:40

Are your sons ok with it?

TeddyTonksGirlfriend · 15/12/2021 12:41

It's fine. You're overthinking. If he takes anything from it that is not intended just set him straight.

Original poster
Pamsresearch · 15/12/2021 12:42

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Are your sons ok with it?
I don't know, they're both at work and this was all very last minute! There's an open invitation for their friends to use the sofa though.
OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 15/12/2021 12:42

What do you mean is it ok?

We don’t know him. You do.

pjani · 15/12/2021 12:46

I would just message him ‘hang on just want to be totally clear, I’ve offered that you stay over but I very much mean as a platonic friend. I didn’t mean ‘staying over staying over’ if you get me 😂’

pjani · 15/12/2021 12:47

If he’s decent what could his problem be? Women have always had to be on high alert to ‘giving the wrong impression’ and that’s not our fault!

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 15/12/2021 12:50

Is it OK is a good question, from him. Reply, "Yes, the sofa is quite comfortable, the boys mates use it a fair bit."

BungleandGeorge · 15/12/2021 12:52

I can’t see any issue. He’s specified the sofa and it’s clearly easier for him. If you were on your own I’d possibly be a bit more wary but surely it’s normal for friends to stay over

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 15/12/2021 12:52

@pjani

I would just message him ‘hang on just want to be totally clear, I’ve offered that you stay over but I very much mean as a platonic friend. I didn’t mean ‘staying over staying over’ if you get me 😂’
I wouldn't do this personally. He's asked if he can 'crash on the sofa' - no reason not to take this at face value. A message like that might be quite insulting, as it suggests presumption on his part that might not exist.

As for the DCs having an open invitation to use the sofa for friends - not unreasonable for you to commandeer it for one night. The DCs friends could sleep on the floor if they were desperate.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 15/12/2021 12:52

I don't know, they're both at work and this was all very last minute! There's an open invitation for their friends to use the sofa though.

I would say it’s fine then.

Original poster
Pamsresearch · 15/12/2021 12:55

@pjani

I would just message him ‘hang on just want to be totally clear, I’ve offered that you stay over but I very much mean as a platonic friend. I didn’t mean ‘staying over staying over’ if you get me 😂’
He specifically asked about the sofa.

I think this is a throw back to my upbringing. My parents would have thought it most inappropriate!.

We also have friends who will enjoy a good gossip about it Grin

OP posts:
RogueV · 15/12/2021 12:55

I don’t know what the big deal is. You are over thinking

inthefrontroe · 15/12/2021 12:57

You're honestly overthinking it.

It's fine for someone to crash on your sofa if they are happy to.

Get a duvet and a pillow and a sheet ready for him.

BobbieT1999 · 15/12/2021 13:07

Definitely OK!

You are allowed to be seen in public with a man not your father or husband too Grin

MsJaneAusten · 15/12/2021 13:10

You’re overthinking it.

So long as you feel safe with it (and remember that you can change your mind at any point if you don’t feel safe with him being there) then it’s perfectly fine.

@HoardingSamphireSaurus has suggested the perfect text. It reiterates that the sofa is the only thing on offer - and that your sons will be there.

BungleandGeorge · 15/12/2021 13:21

Personally I think that text is really rude..

BungleandGeorge · 15/12/2021 13:24

To clarify, I’m agreeing pjani’s text is rude. The other one is fine although I’ve never slept on a comfy sofa🤣

1forAll74 · 15/12/2021 13:45

i am sure it will be fine, and makes sense really. Not sure why you are pondering about this minor issue...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page