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To ask about your worst Christmas day ever

195 replies

sparklybluesky · 14/12/2021 19:47

Mine was 2010 heading towards divorce. Day spent at In Laws where I had to drive as ex couldn't. Not as though much alcohol was served.
MIL served up a tiny meal, gifts to me were freebies from Avon. Weirdo ex was obsessed with his video camera which he set up to film the day. His Sister arrived with her badly behaved children and the whole thing was recorded on this bloody camera set up in the corner. Ex bought me some yankee candles off of ebay! We divorced shortly after.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 15/12/2021 10:26

Christmas 1994.

I gave birth to DS1 on the 14th so it should have been the best Christmas ever. However my grandfather died really suddenly exactly a week later without even meeting him.

I got a phone call from my dad to say he’d had a heart attack but not to worry because he’d not even noticed but was in hospital as a precaution and my gran was going into have Christmas dinner with him. I sat down to feed DS1 when the phone rang again to tell me that he’d died five minutes after my gran had left. It turned out he had a burst abdominal aortic aneurysm.

We’d arranged to have Christmas at MILs because we needed to see DSS who lived in that area. So the next day we did a 3hr journey, plus stops, so I could feed DS1 and get him out of his car seat,. I’d had an awful birth so my stitches were killing me too.

Everyone was all joyous and happy while I was knackered, emotional and in pain. In hindsight we should never have gone. We’ve never gone away at Christmas since.

Gilead · 15/12/2021 11:27

The year I was 16 and my mother gave me a pair of socks and told me to lie to the guests stating I had loads more presents. I didn’t have any other presents. DS had loads and in fairness found being the golden child as difficult.,

BettyOBarley · 15/12/2021 11:39

When I was about 10 I had to sit upstairs on my own for most of the day as my sister had called the police telling them lies about my mum (she was a massive trouble causer, nothing had actually happened, think she told them my mum had tried to stab her while carving the turkey). Haven't seen her for 25 years now.

Jinkiesfredlll · 15/12/2021 12:25

My mum's been in active addiction since I can remember. Worst Christmas for me was when I was 13/14 we had family coming over but she was comatose from the night before and I was embarrassed so said she was ill. She didn't wake up and do anything until boxing day.

However, my uncle never got the message and ended up coming anyway. We had chicken and stuffing sandwiches from a petrol station that was open and took some photos in a forest about 30 mins away. That was really lovely and my favourite memory of us together

minmooch · 15/12/2021 22:23

My worst was 2011. My eldest son had been diagnosed with a massive brain tumour at the start of November and had had a massive op to try and remove what they could. I was living in the hospital with my son ( we were in there 6 months) and we had no idea if he would live. Christmas Day his chemo regime was particularly savage. We shaved his hair off. He had only just turned 16. Youngest son and ex husband came in briefly as did my parents. The rest of the day was my son and I. Him being sick and sleeping, me crying silently and making deals with the devil to save him.

He saw 2 more christmases before he died aged 18, and even though we tried to make them special for everyone they were incredibly painful as we never knew how much time he had left with us.

The first Christmas after he died I took my youngest to New York, flew on Christmas Day, to escape.

7 years on and Christmas is happier. But. There is expectation from others to have a lovely time, but for me the happy family times are often the hardest. It will never be the same again when my eldest child is missing.

Some truly heart wrenching stories on here. Love, strength and peace to everyone who finds this time of year even more painful.

For the person who requested happy Christmas stories - there are other threads out there, or start one of your own. On this one we can show love and support to those who find Christmas lonely/sad/triggering.

lollipoprainbow · 16/12/2021 07:30

For the person who requested happy Christmas stories - there are other threads out there, or start one of your own. On this one we can show love and support to those who find Christmas lonely/sad/triggering.*

So agree. I can't bring myself to read all the happy family Christmas posts as we have had losses and sadness. It's nice to share and read other posts and realise Christmas isn't amazing for everyone.

HeronLanyon · 16/12/2021 07:37

Two for me -
Shortly after my mum had died. In law Family did really lovely day and lunch etc. I was fragile - swerved from laughing to sobbing a few times. Felt out of body. We’ve all agreed it was a great and difficult day.
One when just with dp for the actual day I just got very drunk. Started drinking too early and didn’t stop. Went to bed around 3pm. Awful. Not sure why it happened. Very very unlike me. Never done similar before or since. Keep wanting to blame corked champagne or similar. Major and proper apologies - feel a bit sick even thinking about it.

FutureHope · 16/12/2021 08:01

Heart goes out to those of you who have experienced such trauma.

Mine was Xmas 2019. Had separated from abusive ex and had agreed to let the DCs stay in former family home over Xmas eve and morning. Spent Xmas eve alone. No one called or got in touch then or xmas morning (my parents knew I was alone).

I had always ‘made’ Xmas for the dcs. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to madness. Really, really felt on the edge.

Lunch with my sister saved it.

Quirrelsotherface · 17/12/2021 17:29

minmooch
My god, my heart goes out to you.

And totally agree with your comments about a previous poster asking for a 'happy thread'. An absolutely pointless post.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 17/12/2021 19:27

My heart goes out to all you super strong, incredible. surviving wonderful mumsnetters. I find you all so inspitational and brave, I wish you all peace over this holiday season.

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2021 19:53

I do agree that a lovely Christmas thread would be nice, but this one is also so helpful.

I remember being in my teens, university years and early 20s and when someone asked if you had a nice Christmas the only acceptable answer was 'yes, lovely' as it felt that EVERYONE else was having a lovely time when you weren't. It took so many years to realised that it's ok to accept that your parents are arseholes and it's ok to not see them and do your own thing with actual loved ones.

LuluBlakey1 · 17/12/2021 19:53

My mum died in January. I am an only child. By the next Christmas I was 38 weeks pregnant with DS1. I was terribly emotional and had spent the previous 3 weeks finding DH and everything he did intensely irritating. The midwife said it was hormonal but I was absolutely awful and he was so tolerant.

I hadn't ever wanted children but DH really did and I had said I would have just one. My mum (and dad) loved children and I was so sad that they would never meet our baby - I still feel tearful just writing it- and never be a grandma and grandad. My dad had died some years before her and it wasn't as raw.

The emotion started to unravel on Christmas Eve day and I cried on and off for throughout the day not really understanding why and all the irritation with DH disappeared and I was so sorry. He was just lovely.

Then on Christmas Day I suddenly started to cry in the middle of the morning and I absolutely sobbed- sort of silent sobbing for about half an hour which exhausted me. It was a really intense feeling of loss. I couldn't speak, didn't want to, just said 'I miss my mam' and that was it.
DH sat next to me on the sofa with his arm around me and let me cry.

It was more of a bad few weeks than a particularly terrible day.

DS1 was born on 30th Dec- our only child who is 7 this Christmas and 1 of 3 :) My mam and dad would absolutely love them- I like to think they can see them and watch them growing.

SoftSheen · 17/12/2021 19:59

When I was 20 I had flu ('proper flu') over Christmas. Spent Christmas Day lying on the sofa and trying to sleep, but alternately shivering and burning up.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2021 20:10

One year ds1 woke us up on Christmas morning by announcing he had been sick three times - he had some sort of 24 hour vomiting bug. He spent the day going through a cycle of vomiting, sleeping, waking feeling a bit better, having a drink of water then vomiting again - with the odd bit of present opening when he could stay awake.

I spent the morning cooking Christmas dinner, whilst dh tried to keep an eye on the three boys - not easy, as he was coming down with whatever ds1 had got, and felt dire - so the younger two dses were able to hoover up all the chocolate from their stockings.

Dinner rolls round and I dish up roast goose and all the trimmings. Ds1 was asleep on the couch, having just thrown up again, so he wasn’t eating. Ds2 and ds3 were full to the gills with chocolate. Dh had almost no appetite, though he tried, bless him, so I had gone to all that effort when I was the only one eating. Basically I should have done myself a goose McNugget and saved myself all the work!

Phrenologistsfinger · 17/12/2021 20:22

The last one - I was miscarrying and in a LOT of pain. Crying mostly.

lollipoprainbow · 17/12/2021 21:51

I do agree that a lovely Christmas thread would be nice, but this one is also so helpful.

There's lots of lovely Christmas threads already! This one is much needed I feel.

PlacidPenelope · 17/12/2021 22:25

Some of the stories on here just have me in tears.

Me too. Certainly puts things into perspective.

Flowers to all of you who have had such sad and difficult Christmases.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 17/12/2021 23:31

Honestly, I don’t know how some of you are still functioning adults after what has happened to you. My utmost respect to you all for still getting up in the morning and facing the day.

Timeisavirtue · 17/12/2021 23:40

Tbh I’ve had mostly great Christmas days, I remember 2 times they wernt as good as usual.
One year I was really ill, i think I was about 8, I can’t even remember what was wrong with me but I spent the whole of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day asleep on my nans sofa, didn’t eat, open presents.

Another time was when I was 16 my grandad went into a nursing home ( dementia and heart disease ) it had happened so suddenly it didn’t feel right without him at Christmas, my nan took him food to the home but the day all didn’t feel right.

Back in 2017 I had Aussie flu when it was doing the rounds, I had fever for the 5 days before Christmas Eve, still went to work, still sorted the kids out, because as a mum that’s what I do... was a lot better on Christmas Eve, it lasted 23 days in the end but I had a semi good Christmas because the kids were happy and that’s all that mattered

2020nymph · 17/12/2021 23:53

I'm so sorry so many of you have had such horrendous experiences. My heart goes out to you. Massive respect to you all Thanks

snowpiercer · 18/12/2021 00:16

I'm so sorry for some of the experiences you have lived through. My heart goes out to you all. And thank you @sparklybluesky for this thread as it's helped me get my act together after a Christmas moan I had this afternoon. Sending love to you all Thanks

CatrinVennastin · 18/12/2021 08:22

My worst Xmas was 1998 when my parents had just moved to the states and decided that it wasn’t worth coming back to the uk for Xmas.

I was in an awful relationship at the time (emotionally abusive, lots of door slamming and wall punching) and my sister was battling bulimia.

Spent it with my ex’s family. We went out for Xmas dinner and his dad and brother had a huge row and everyone ended up in tears.

My sister spent the day with her boyfriend’s family who don’t celebrate Xmas and they tried to make it a nice day for her.

I ended up at her flat the two of us sobbing and feeling like no one cared about us. My lovely Auntie scooped us up on Boxing Day and between us we persuaded my sister to seek help.

This is nothing compared to what others on this thread have been through. Your strength and resilience and how you make Xmas special for your dc’s is just amazing. I hope everyone can find some peace this Christmas.

lollipoprainbow · 18/12/2021 11:21

2017 we'd lost my sister the Christmas before and my mum was in a dementia care home. We went to visit her in the morning and then the staff took her off to lunch, we left her sitting at the table looking confused and I just wanted to scoop her up and take her home but she was too far gone. My mum was Christmas to me always at the heart of every Christmas celebration it broke my heart.

secretrugbyfan · 19/12/2021 06:49

Mine was a good few years ago....at the time I was working in A&E and it was Christmas Eve. We had an unusually traumatic shift that included three cardiac arrests and a sudden infant death. Two of the three arrests didn't make it...they were both in their 40s/50s...the one that survived was 80. The parents of the SID must have (and still) gone through unbelievable trauma, because they didn't see their child again once it had gone into resus. The doctors came and told them what had happened, and they got up and said they had to go home and get Christmas ready for their 5 and 7 year olds. They walked out. I cannot imagine their pain.....

The hardest thing was carrying that poor baby, wrapped up in my arms, from the department to the mortuary, through a Christmas party that was going on in a separate area of the hospital. That memory will live with me forever.

I can't honestly remember Christmas Day that year.....and I still think of those poor parents on the 24th/25th December.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 19/12/2021 08:34

Mine is a bit more comedy bad

We spent the first Christmas after my in laws divorce with MIL in our early childless days because we had agreed to alternate Christmas with each other's families after getting married.

MIL never gets anything fixed in her house. She always felt FIL should do it but he never did and then he left her. Therefore there were no functioning lights in the whole downstairs and we had to take a torch to use the toilet. The house was dark, cold, a bit damp and covered in a light coating of dog hair from her 3 dogs

We woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of teen SIL's pet rabbit being eaten by a fox. We rushed it to the vet as it was still alive but it had to be put down as it was so badly injured. No one felt much like opening stockings after that

MIL is not a person who cooks. She usually heats up Waitrose ready meals in the microwave but she somehow felt she had to try to do the whole works. She put the sprouts on to boil in the morning so the whole house smelt of them all day and they were horribly mushy. The oven hadn't been used or cleaned for a long time so when she tried to cook the turkey in it the kitchen filled with acrid black smoke. The oven door was broken and you had to hold it open with your foot to get anything out and risk getting burnt in the process. Then it transpired the only kitchen knife in the whole place was a cheese knife so DH had to try to carve the turkey with that.
What with those factors and the rabbit we didn't sit down to eat until late afternoon and it was definitely not enjoyable

The dinner table conversation defaulted to MIL complaining bitterly about FIL and OW and lamenting what they might be doing today, what might have been and his general shit behaviour. I had great sympathy but Festive and cheery
It was not.

Older teen BIL was in a horrible phase of life and angry about his dad leaving. He stayed in his room all day with his girlfriend like the ghost at the feast. They shouted abuse through the door when MIL tried to take presents or food up which made her cry.

The whole thing was made worse by the fact it was my first Christmas away from my huge lovely, happy extended family. My dad is an amazing cook, my parents have a big country house with an open fire and generally they give good Christmas. When they FaceTimed me to say Happy Christmas I nearly burst into tears.

After that I told DH that the alternating Christmas deal was rescinded and we always go to my parents and have MIL to stay at New Year (well we did until bloody Covid ruined everything).